series of 5 - title needed ... suggestions?

Post by **Doreen Peri** » January 17th, 2009, 5:22 pm

1.

It was nothing but a brush of dust,
a quick ice trick, fickle as
a lover's glance. I ventured out,
took a chance, arrived uneventfully.
No fear here, no restrictions,
a mere prediction without substance
or evidential must.... a dust of
a blushed brush on a canvas –
wintered, over like spring
sings a truth delay.

2.

the wish is the most conniving trick,
each wicked hope, each cropping of an
imaginative mantra, each saunter from
one platform to the next, each blowing out
of a candle, each trip around the sun

stunned we are, i know, by the differences
when halos vanish, when crows caw, when
morning arrives on an eyelid whim

and i have dim recollections of various
resurrections as i'm sure you do too,
each and every chapter a new
verse, a new possibility

damn the commands!
open the dams to allow a breath
rested easily, rested easily,
rested easily, rested firm,
solid as an idea

do you know what i think?
of course you don't.
do you know what i think?
of course you do.

you see me. i see you.
let us synchronize the view
of the periscope!

look! look again!
i know you do and will...
there are subtle changes to the will
of the sky and i, for one, see the dance of
constellations doing spins and leaps

and the way i keep these
secrets with myself is ridiculous, my dear,
i dare say now, and so i share them with you
like sharing a meal

let us break bread

3.

i would never rid the line,
the twine that binds each stanza, verse,
nor curse the various sequences, each
syllable or worse, each thought.

No, if I did, I would be caught
between the coalescence of each inhale and
each opening of lung to blow, ridiculously assuming
what i know and what i do not quite know
as of yet
have somehow
coincided

and so, before i must forget
i went this route, i never doubt
the journey

i simply walk

one foot
then the next

taught only by the sole
beneath my
shoe

4.

i liked the second one more than the first one
but then again who was i to judge?
the first one represented love of the word.
the second represented the absurdities.

and then there was the third.
the truly absurd.
the trigger pulled.
the pulse.
the beat of a complete
but somehow never complete
composition.

i often resist the better.
i edit headers and footnotes.
i trade myself for regrets, write letters
never sent, tiptoe on the top of black ice.

i am used to a fall
from winter, a spring
from a summer idea,

twice my feet,
twice

i do have two
to carry me

5.

we can need
as much as we need,
each knee in a walk push,
each plead to transcend,
each representation
of a step met by
a sigh or a moan,
home being our most
precious refuge
once we sit,

legs of the journey
and turned ideas
finally

gloriously
elevated
.
.
.

dp.1.16.09

Post by **hester_prynne** » January 17th, 2009, 6:34 pm

I'd call this periscope. It's wonderful and it's sort of like looking into one, and it's got your name it it! It's an amazing look-thru...
Bravo!
H

Post by **Doreen Peri** » January 23rd, 2009, 9:57 am

Thanks, hest!

someone else suggested the exact same title

very interesting! heh

Post by **K&D** » January 23rd, 2009, 2:26 pm

masterful!

not for a name, i just think this is something i could read over and over again...and have!

Post by **Doreen Peri** » January 23rd, 2009, 5:03 pm

thank you, K&D ... you're too kind

If you figure out what it means, let me know.

Post by **K&D** » January 23rd, 2009, 5:23 pm

can my response be in poem form?

Post by **Doreen Peri** » January 23rd, 2009, 5:25 pm

Of course! Absolutely!

GO!

just sayin'... i have no clue what it means... looking forward to finding out

Post by **justwalt** » January 28th, 2009, 8:52 pm

I'm gonna git out the microscope tonight

and give this a real hard look.......

..how much space do I have for a suggestion??

just joking...but I'll come up with something better than.

......my marriage

Post by **Lightning Rod** » January 28th, 2009, 9:14 pm

ok, I waiting
show me something

Post by **alienpoet** » January 28th, 2009, 9:58 pm

i love this ,as i said on some other posting of it! i dunno...phoenix uncomplete ...but other suggestions are good ...better really.

Post by **justwalt** » January 29th, 2009, 2:04 am

academia
dissimulation
(money for nothin')

Post by **Doreen Peri** » January 31st, 2009, 11:02 am

Thank you all for your title suggestions and your kind comments to this piece.

I decided to use this title ....

"disconnected views from a remote location"

(sorry I didn't select any of your suggestions.... I appreciated you all taking the time to make them, though, and there were some good ones)

Post by **justwalt** » January 31st, 2009, 11:16 am

the five, read to me as a
dissatisfaction of you college
years, with maybe a side of
diced life decisions that needed
more MSG.

Post by **Doreen Peri** » January 31st, 2009, 11:30 am

hmmm... interesting

Actually, they were all (except the first one) written spontaneously in reply to other people's replies to a thread on another site. I can't even remember the theme of the poem or the topic.

Somebody said a word .... "wish" for instance... and I started riffing on it.

Somebody said something about needing rest and putting his feet up... and I riffed on it.

It wasn't about anything really, except a spontaneous word eruption ....

which is way cool ... 'cause now I see people are reading so much more into it than I originally intended. And I LIKE that.

I've been battling with the difference between clarity and being vague.

Both have their place.

Thanks for your comments, walt.

Post by **justwalt** » January 31st, 2009, 11:36 am

mixing the water with dirt!!
use it to frost a cake...
perfect.

Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

series of 5 - title needed ... suggestions?

series of 5 - title needed ... suggestions?

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