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Solitary Enigma
Posted: March 25th, 2009, 1:49 pm
by goldenmyst
Solitary Enigma
I used to think I was too serious
And at a loss for words
My demeanor hobbled
A prosthetic personality
Unfit for the social circle
My bumbling babbling
Repelling tentative touches
Awkward silences strung
In gaping data gaps
Realization opened like a warm hand
Grasping my fragile ego
In clasp of knowledge
That my dissonance differs
From the chronically normal
I am a solitary enigma
Dipping in and out of the global village
Like an interloper in a foreign land
Seeking a language to speak
Whose words are understood
Posted: March 25th, 2009, 6:20 pm
by Yejun
"A prosthetic personality"
--I like this.
"That shy reticent souls roam the world
Like flocks of sheep seeking home"
--I don't understand this. I don't see how it fits.
"Dipping in and out of the global village
Like an interloper in a foreign land
Seeking a language to speak
Whose words are understood"
--'interloper' is a powerful word. Is that the word you want? And while I don't know how much I can get away with here, I think ending with 'understood' and dropping the last two lines would make for a more powerful finish.
But that's probably just me.
Posted: March 25th, 2009, 6:41 pm
by goldenmyst
Yejun I took your advice to heart. Your changes have been implemented. I agree "interloper" is a strong word. However, it expresses exactly my intended meaning. Thanks for reading.
John
Posted: March 25th, 2009, 8:49 pm
by Lightning Rod
like the poem John
(isn't the singular of enigma an enigmum? or is my Latin rusty?)
Posted: March 25th, 2009, 9:12 pm
by constantine
as a proud member of the misbegotten majority, i found your poem to be most satisfying.
Posted: March 26th, 2009, 3:46 pm
by goldenmyst
Lightning Rod, I can't remember, which is pretty sad having been a member of a Latin honor society in college. Thanks for the read dude.
Constantine, if the majority weren't such an exclusive club I might join. But then I would never join a club which would have me as a member. lol Thanks for the read!
John
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 10:11 pm
by hester_prynne
I like the hum of this, it's universal but personal.
Enjoyed reading it
H
Posted: March 28th, 2009, 10:14 am
by goldenmyst
Hester, "universal but personal." I like that.
Thanks for reading.
John
Posted: March 29th, 2009, 8:18 am
by theirishsea
Old friends on a new site.
We are all
Dipping in and out of the global village
these days.
Posted: April 3rd, 2009, 11:04 am
by goldenmyst
theirishsea, yes but some more so than others. lol Great to see you here.
John
Posted: April 3rd, 2009, 12:30 pm
by stilltrucking
"That shy reticent souls roam the world
Like flocks of sheep seeking home"
I liked that too,
I think I was born to follow.
I liked it all
a stupendous poem
Posted: April 23rd, 2009, 9:38 pm
by goldenmyst
Stilltrucking, I was born to follow too. Thanks dude!
John