gypsy inside

[SmileGRL]

i ignored her then, the gypsy's call
to whales & pottery wheels
when i was 22 & had the perfect chance
blinded by what good girls do
responsibility. bills to pay
put one foot in front of the other
away from silly dreams

i've ignored her for years
to paint in "france." never had the chance
but i saw it clear. stealing beauty clear
vineyards & orchards
summer dress & sun on legs
old dog following me around
around a big old kitchen table,
people talk & eat. soul
dance by firelight
make art
make love because it feels right

tears keep spilling
over these fairy cheeks
it doesn't take much these days
this gypsy call never goes away
sometimes it just fades
but it always returns
to haunt my soul. then overflows
it's in my blood. i got it from my dad
thirsty soul. hole in my heart

she's calling again...find the sun
not just sun on legs, but sun inside
clay on hands. paint on anything.
dance. find the soul inside the girl

but how?
the urge doesn't erase the real
will it always just be
an unanswered call
this gypsy inside my tear

[mtmynd]

but how?

there is no how
when there's now
and here is where
you are with these
words you've thought
and shared with those
that read this piece...

the gypsy inside your tear
whispers again and again
just so you know you are
here now doing what you
do without the imagined
scenery in foreign countries
that you want so very badly
but deep down you know
you really don't need to be
way over there where nobody
can see you and hear you...

what a shame that would be.

[Doreen Peri]

it's hard to ignore the gypsy when she is so much part of you

lovely piece of writing, MJ

[still.trucking]

lovely piece yes
lovely reply by mtmynd too

[SmileGRL]

Thanks Cecil

...maybe I should clarify something. I don't believe my happiness lies in foreign places. Not at all (although I'm sure I won't say no to a trip to France or Italy or Spain ). This is not me saying...oh my life is so sad or I can only find myself somewhere else. No. I think I'm just in that stage of my life where I'm thinking about the opportunities I didn't grab (like the whales and the pottery wheel. I actually worked part time in a pottery shop while studying and looking back I'm sure I could have just asked the owner and she would have let me work at her studio in a small coastal town and let me learn her craft for a little while after I got my degree, instead of just blindly jumping into an 8 to 5 job because that was what was expected of me). And then the wondering if this is all there's ever going to be to my life...if I will ever realize the dreams deep within. The gypsy in my poems always represents my yearnings, yes, but also my dad, from whom I've inherited a certain restlessness. & when I say "france" and describe a fantasy place, it embodies a feeling for me...a warmth or a coming home.

Of course there is sadness behind the tears falling easily. Yes. And yes, there is a question mark behind how to reach the "coming home" (or finding the balance) because right now I only see reality and it has never been compatible with the dream...it has always been the practical choice when my soul yearns for the whimsical. And right now I am struggling with the question, should I let go of dreams that only make my reality uncomfortable and make peace with what I have (which should be good enough) or should I stop ignoring the call? (how important is it really?) and how? and then what?

Also...I know that I have grown a lot without all that. Just being me. Here. And I do appreciate all the beautiful friends I have made, specially online, that support me and care for me and hear me. And I never share these thoughts of mine lightly. In fact I have never shared these particular thoughts before now, which goes to show that I trust all of you more than you think. And maybe I'm throwing a "little" MJ pebble in the water to see what the ripples will be...

[SmileGRL]

doreen & truck...thank you very much. (what a surprise to suddenly have two more replies!)...and yes, it is hard to ignore. i need to find the balance. thank you for reading and enjoying, both of you.

[mtmynd]

In fact I have never shared these particular thoughts before now, which goes to show that I trust all of you more than you think.

Your honesty is refreshing as an iced lemonade on a hot afternoon. Who would refuse that..?

[hester_prynne]

I hear that gypsy loud and clear myself.
An incredibly good read from you, again.
My own tears, as I read this, that you brought out of me, feel so good.
With all my heart and soul, I don't ever want to lose my dear gypsy....
much thanks for this very reviving piece.
H

[justwalt]

...if I will ever realize the dreams deep within...

I only see reality and it has never been compatible with the dream...

...should I let go of dreams that only make my reality uncomfortable

of course, I disagree...alice

freewill leads us to where we are...
these dreams, are desires, and we all
have to deal with compromise...
choices come with strings attached...

these dreams I know, but it's reality
that I have a problem with lately...click this~

walt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukbFvxusMMI

[judih]

or...come visit a kibbutz and see what gypsy thinks....

[Nazz]

I jumped right into everyone else's version of responsible reality for myself too, and suddenly years and years later, after a vacation road trip to Vegas, one day I just said, "what am I doing?" "This can't be right." So I gave a few months notice, got rid of most of my useless stuff, made various arrangements, and just left for the desert Southwest-- with the intent to bum around for a good long time and eventually find a place to live.

Everyone thought I was nuts except for my sister the artist! And the day I finally jammed whatever I could fit into the back of my truck and actually started rolling was September 10, 2001. True story. And what happened the next morning cast a long shadow on the trip for quite a while. I struggled early on, but it was ultimately an amazing and liberating experience. Not that I recommend it to everyone necessarily. Your writing just brought it all back to me-- that "gypsy spirit" of sorts, or wanderlust... I miss it in some ways these days... Enjoyed the write. Thanks.

[judih]

ha,nazz! wanderlust chimes in at the same time.

and yes, smileGRL, enjoyed your work as a salute to dichotomy

[revolutionrabbit]

no gypsy inside
no gypsy out side
only the gypsy that
surrounds you

in magic
like a scarf
of faery-light
swirling you
around

in you
within you
you following it flowing in you
the gypsy like a wild butterfly
like the gypsy-moth drawn to
the lips of the holy-sun-flame

no tears to cry
for the gypsy to cry
for the gypsy to cry
is to be seen
to tears
like gypsy-earings
like gold rings
and coins of silver
that vanish in the night
like the gypsy

gypsy exists
between leaves of green
and leaves of brown
between the Lorca moon
and the gypsy wedding gown

between the lightning flamenco cry
and the ruby flowing eyes of sound
weeping from the fiery guitar
what the gypsy said to the word
said to the wind dancing free

the word said to the tree-place
where the gypsy was
where the gypsy was
where the gypsy
the gypsy was

[SmileGRL]

cecil (thanks you for reading all that), hest (big hug sister), walt (strings, yes. thanks for the clip), judih (dichotomy. cool word. kibbutz...maybe one day) nazz (thanks for sharing all that) rabbit ("like a gypsy moth"...yes. enjoyed the poetic reply) ...thank you so much for all your beautiful replies. each one has touched me deeply.

honesty
sharing
choice
kindness
authenticity
creativity
compassion

these are the things that i got from all this...gifts that you gave back to me...thank you so very much.

[the mingo]

Ya got things growing inside of you. That's why the gypsy. She always has the same two words on her lips. She never says go here go there.
She never says be this or be that. She never ever says choose. She never gives directions. Ya got things growing inside of you & the gypsy always and only says "MORE ROOM, MORE ROOM!!"