That's close to the bone

[hester_prynne]

Vibe rations,
are distributed
once a year.
Leaves bow out,
trees undress in a hum.
That's close to the bone.

Dark shadows
dot haunted mornings
at busstops.
Fall's a burlesque show,
to we believers.
That's close to the bone.

Hyroglyphs
appear on your canvas
like graffiti.
Sharp comments,
cheers of despair.
That's close to the bone.

[goldenmyst]

Hester, the connotations are blooming here. Seasonal poetry at its finest.

John

[mb]

oh, I believe...

cleverishly done and no less than this season deserves (it is the best of all times,sez me)

-mb

[Barry]

I like the piece quite a lot, but if I may offer a critique?

Drop the repeated line until the last stanza.

Just my suggestion/opinion is all.

Peace,
Barry

[K&D]

Fall is a burlesque show isn't it!

ah I love your writting too. Just finished commenting on Perdida's and I just want to say that your work and her work i really look up to. I think you are talented. in that way that "talented" people don't get you know...true to something ineffable!

[Perdida]

Vibe rations,
are distributed
once a year.
Leaves bow out,
trees undress in a hum.


Dark shadows
dot haunted mornings
at busstops.
Fall's a burlesque show,
to we believers.

Oh man, i would've loved this at the "Table" for our Fall Retreat Word Jam.

You've got it babe, love your work.

trees undress in a hum

damn i love that!

[hester_prynne]

I want to thank you all for your comments so much. And Barry your suggestion is well taken, I agree the line could be dropped to the end. It just sort a kept coming up....with different intonations each time.
Again thanks for reading me....appreciate your feedbacks more than you know.
H