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Crave
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 8:09 am
by hester_prynne
I rise lethargic,
out of sloth's
big comforting arms.
I pull verse
out of dead gardens.
My heart isn't in it.
My heart, is nowhere to be found.
Swaddled, loosely,
in lingerie silk,
I expose my soft,
pliable fields,
in candlelight.
I crave some fresh seed.
I crave it planted deep, in my underground.
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 8:46 am
by Dave The Dov
A harvest of verse
can be found in the ground
when you dig down
_________________
Honda CBR600F2
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 9:51 am
by Doreen Peri
mmmmmmmm
oh yeah! get some, gurl!
*wink*
sexy write..... i love it!
i'm going back to bed for a while.... i'm going to dream up some erotica and come back and write it down.
you've inspired me!
bravo!
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 2:35 pm
by Zlatko Waterman
A powerful erotic, yet not vulgar, poem, Hester.
The lines preceding the "seed" ending are very strong, but so is the whole.
If I were revising this, and if it were my poem, I would pull out one line that seems not to deepen, but to depiliate the surface so keenly built:
The second "My heart . . ." line. While the novelty of "nowhere to be found" is strong and lends the poem some power and whimsy, I think the starkness and "classicism", not to say minimalism of the poem is better served without that line.
But look at me-- it takes me ten years to write a poem.
Beautiful . . . girl
Zlatko
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 4:16 pm
by hester_prynne
Crave.
cravey.
craven.
A crone's fallow cry.
Invulgar jiggles,
erotic mumbles.
Vulnerable vulcaness,
meets vague humaness,
creeping up,
in the dark middle,
of the night.
Dave, Doreen, and Zlatko, thank you for attending to such bold shyness, so kindly.
H
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 4:42 pm
by perezoso
The winter field
shaven of stubble
ripe for the foison
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 5:10 pm
by hester_prynne
Fellini foibled
fanciful feasts,
flora and fauna
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 6:15 pm
by Dave The Dov
Feast for at least
it will stay the hunger
of the beast
_________________
Honda Big Ruckus
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 6:46 pm
by mindbum
i'm with zlatko on the second heart line.
and i'd say drop 'in my' in the last line. gives a little more ooomph.
nice.
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 8:52 pm
by hester_prynne
I rise lethargic,
out of sloth's
big comforting arms.
I pull verse
out of dead gardens.
My heart isn't in it.
Swaddled loosely,
in lingerie silk,
I expose my soft,
pliable fields,
in candlelight.
I crave some fresh seed.
I crave it planted deep, underground.
much thanks zlatko and mb, I like it this way too.
H
Posted: January 9th, 2005, 9:03 pm
by Axanderdeath
it is funny
deep in the ground
it is funny
I would not want to leave it there
seeds are annoying
and when they sprout
they make you
not want to garden again for a while...