my story

[Bryan]

last night when you left
I was a little upset
I should not do this
it's something i'll regret
or so thats what I thought
so I stayed up for a while
just thinking about life
days when I knew how to smile
then it occurred to me
how Inconsiderate I used to be
and now I'm going back there
to the darker stages of me
when I dont bother to care
do unto other...before they do to you
what a very cynical outlook
but it worked for me...it was easy
like reading a childrens book
I'm not hurting anymore
so then I cut myself...just to see
to be sure I was still human
I wanted to know if I'd bleed
I did bleed but it did not hurt
so again I cut...a little deeper
and still I just didnt feel
so then I cut myself yet again
just to see if pain was real
I tried but I could not feel it
so I drew myself a bath
and wallowed under water
hoping the feeling would come back
but it never did...I felt nothing
so feeling lost I thought i'd go out
so I dragged myself to the bar
it was a long and thoughtless trip
though 2 blocks is not that far
well I ordered myself a drink
and sat silently at my stool
just thinking about my life
and how I've been such a fool
and just then it happened
a man bumped into me...did not apologize
so I hit him again and again and again
hoping it would make me feel something inside
but it didnt, and I was thrown out of the bar
left without emotion or hope
I walked myself back home...home
home silly word, funny joke
nothing more or nothing less
now I lay myself to bed
not feeling or thinking
just pretending i'm dead