To Aim Forward

[.Lucy.]

I was sipping my morning cup of tea,
8:54 a.m.
Shuffling around senior caseload profiles,
waiting for the computer to load.
These minutes before the craziness begins,
I contemplate
a multitude of things.

Yet this specific Tuesday morning,
8:54 a.m.,
I am hit by a cinder block
of realization.

What am I doing here?

I know why:
I love helping seniors,
I love social work,
I love helping those in need,
assisting them to my full capacity.

But what am I doing?
Here, and in my life?

I've asked myself this question before.
This, however, this time
is different.

I enjoy what I do.
But I want to do
More.
The homeless on the icy streets,
the poorly clothed children on the train.
The overworked busboys who have no notion
of what a sick day or vacation feels like.

What am I doing here?

My parents fought to make it here,
struggled against adversity,
racism, poor work conditions.
They worked for a better life
and they've provided an incredible one
for myself and my younger brother.

Instilled in me
a love of hard work,
dedication and pride in one's labor.

When I graduated college,
the priceless look in their eyes-
this is what drives me.

Now close to 29 years of age,
I feel I haven't done Enough.
True, I've taken on a variety of roles
that help others.

But I want to do More.
More than set volunteers up with needy seniors.
More than run the monthly senior Club newsletter.
More than offer telephone reassurance
to my large caseload of seniors.

There are so many in need.
I know I can't help everyone,
but I want More.

Is this wrong?
Is it wrong to want more out of life?

I don't mean money,
or even personal happiness.
But at least a sense of
satisfaction perhaps,
in helping those without a voice.

Those like my parents, who had no voice
for so many years.
Those like my parents, who fought for a voice
when they finally took on professional jobs.
Those who work uncounted hours
and still can't pay rent.
Those who attend schools
with disinterested teachers and poor curricula.
Those who walk for miles and miles to and from work
because they can't afford a metro card.

I've contemplated teaching,
a passion I discovered after graduating.
I've contemplated licensed social work,
communications associate for not-for-profits
that help those in need.
A world of opportunities.

This agency, wonderful as it is,
has no wiggle room for personal growth.
Try as I might, I've been hitting
a creative and professional wall at every turn.

Tuesday, December 7th,
8:45 a.m.
I've outgrown this position
and I want More.

LT
12-17-2010

[saw]

there's nothing wrong with wanting more lucy, especially as you describe it..

empathy and compassion are needed more than ever as greater numbers slip away, away from the middle class, slip into poverty....the lower classes lower...( we won't mention the rich ).....this is not what your poem is about

it's about helping those that are suffering, those that need.......real bad...

it's about paying homage to your parents that sacrificed and toiled so you could do better

heartfelt rendering........

[.Lucy.]

Thank you, saw.

I'm going through a transitional phase- I'm not sure where I'll end up, but I hope in one way or another, I can contribute to society. I have this feeling in my heart sometimes, a sense of heaviness for all those who suffer...I feel helpless, I just want to do something...

[justwalt]

You have the gift of giving... not just a little , but a great amount.
And in the joy that comes from giving, you can sometimes get lost
and forget to give a little bit to yourself.

A little self-neglect is healthy, as long as you also have self-respect.
You are at the top of the list, like it or not.

And "not knowing where you'll end up"... is a negative thought. All,
all, all thoughts need to be positive.

Know that you will succeed, in whatever you do and wherever you go.

MERRY WHATCHAMACALLIT,
and HAPPY NEW YEAR
to YOU

walt