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Playin' For Keeps

Posted: June 20th, 2011, 9:44 pm
by ButterflyKiss
My friend, you’re busy puttin’ up a front, a little show,
things you’re sayin’
you don’t know the kind of games you’re playin

These people pick up revolvers
that’s what they consider to be their problem-solvers.

Aren’t you afraid?
These aren’t like the childish games
you once played.

These people are playin’ for keeps.
The word play, I use loosely,
you’ll see.

When the crew that surrounds you
are sent six feet down.
They’re relocated, but not to another town.
Underground, six feet down.

They’ll be sleepin’
but they won’t be countin’ sheeps.

That’s when you’ll know
these people are playin’ for keeps.

I promise you’ll know
the day a stray round
from that HK takes your friend to the ground.

You’ll never forget the day
you stand before a dirt mound.

You’ll look around
and realize…
You’re one man,
one friend down.

Re: Playin' For Keeps

Posted: June 21st, 2011, 8:14 am
by dadio
Good solid poem.

Re: Playin' For Keeps

Posted: June 24th, 2011, 7:29 am
by emel.scott
I like the tone of this a lot, do have a little problem with the following stanza though,
When the crew that surrounds you
are sent six feet down.
They’re relocated, but not to another town.
Underground, six feet down.
I don't think repeating "six feet down" helps much as it's not that difficult to understand and sounds like you think you're not understood. Maybe a rewrite of L2 would help. Something like:

"When the crew that surrounds you
cannot be found.
They’re relocated, but not to another town.
Underground, six feet down."

Just a thought

Re: Playin' For Keeps

Posted: June 24th, 2011, 5:58 pm
by Arcadia
yeah, it reminded me my grandmother´s voice talking alone while doing her chores... the idioma it´s different but the ritmo it´s similar... I enjoyed reading it I´d love to listen to you saying or singing this, gracias for sharing it!!!! :D