Mouse Droppings! Sounds bad but don't be dissuaded!

Post your poetry, any style.
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mousey1
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Mouse Droppings! Sounds bad but don't be dissuaded!

Post by mousey1 » February 18th, 2005, 1:06 am

Image

I intend to post my shit here

So hold your nose

Because much of it is indeed crappy!

But it's my joy!

<:3

I am computerfried
Similar to stupefied
But in no way a good way
WTF
WTF
WTF
I should be outside
Listening to the sounds of nature
Or with my face so buried in a book that I can taste the words
But not sitting here
And thinking
WTF
WTF
WTF
Is it just me
Or have we all lost our minds.



Anyway, please critique if you are of a mind to.....good, bad, or indifferent, I appreciate the read and the comments. I write for fun, but I try to improve, always try to improve, so.... if you notice glaring, or unglaring things you'd like to point out I want to hear it. NO matter how hurtful I find it, sniff, sniff.......just kidding, let her rip.

I may hate you in the morning but, please, help me find my sweet spot. :) I'm sure I have one. :shock: Let's find it together. 8)
Last edited by mousey1 on April 14th, 2005, 12:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » February 18th, 2005, 1:08 am

I'm trying to find my way

Aren't you

Our lives

Untidy packages

That bleed



<:3
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » February 18th, 2005, 10:06 pm

It's funny. Life I mean. Really funny.
It drives me to tears. You know the kind
The ones that won't dry. Always refreshed
Always renewed, like waves beating against the shore
Wet, upon wet, upon wet. And the
Sun beats down like a smile of regret, warm
Until you get too close
You'll burst into flames you know
Charred remains, crisp and brittle
As black as the days of hell.


<:3
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » February 18th, 2005, 10:16 pm

I have always admired those
Good with words
Shuffling their wisdom
Tossing out truths
One by one
Face up and leering

Each past indiscretion

Each error of life

Each weakness

Each promise

Each lie

The imperfect hand


<:3
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Doreen Peri
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Post by Doreen Peri » February 19th, 2005, 12:17 am

I never met you until I met you here and I love you already.... your voice is beautiful and clear.... thank you
I have always admired those
Good with words
Shuffling their wisdom
Tossing out truths
me too ... and you are one of "those"

(sorry to get corny on ya, mousey1... i'm just like that sometimes... i appreciate you)
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ADannon
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Post by ADannon » February 19th, 2005, 2:26 pm

It's funny. Life I mean. Really funny.
It drives me to tears. You know the kind
The ones that won't dry. Always refreshed
Always renewed, like waves beating against the shore
Wet, upon wet, upon wet. And the
Sun beats down like a smile of regret, warm
Until you get too close
You'll burst into flames you know
Charred remains, crisp and brittle
As black as the days of hell.


I loved this piece........you know, I am terrible at critique....poetry either speaks to me or it does not....this did......brought tears to my eyes~
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » February 19th, 2005, 11:52 pm

Hi Do, thank-you for your kind words.
And you can get corny with me anytime. I love da corn. At the risk of sounding corny myself, I believe everyone should be corny, or corne if you want to be a sophisticate. Maybe if we were all a bit more corny the love would flow freer and easier.

Now, one good corn deserves another......so
Truthfully I say, I have nothing but respect for your writing and read you with pleasure and relish. :)

ADannon, thank-you for reading me. I'm pleased you liked this. I also am unabashedly pleased to have made you feel a tad weepy. High praise, high praise indeed. I love a poem that makes me cry or at least teeter on the verge.

As for critiquing, I know what you mean. For me, it's nice to have the view of a fresh pair of eyes, often they can see what the nearsighted one, meaning me, has missed, so feel free to practise your critiquing skills here. :)
Nice to meet you, by the way.
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » February 19th, 2005, 11:57 pm

The Dead Season


Rotted roots push upward from the earth

The aged tree leans towards it's final rest

Gnarled limbs, once strong and supple

Now bend and break at every breeze

Rainsoaked, weatherbeaten, gray with decay

It has always been

A matter of time
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » February 20th, 2005, 12:45 pm

Image
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Post by mousey1 » February 21st, 2005, 2:37 am

If I could just move
Not be frozen with fear
I'd step it out now
And be gone from here
I'd dance in the daylight
Turn my smile to the sun
I'd bask in the notion
Life has finally begun
I'd walk to the ocean
Stand on mountains high
My silhouette you'd see
Against a moonlit sky
I'd sleep in her glow
Make love in her light
I'd catch shooting stars
And release them each night
Every wish would come true
Every dream would be real
If I could just move
Not be frozen with fear
If I could just move
Not be frozen with fear


<:3
Last edited by mousey1 on March 16th, 2005, 5:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » February 21st, 2005, 2:40 am

Life's serpentine trail

Leading everywhere

And nowhere

Begins

And ends

With you

This tired sojourner

Desolate of will

Remains

Standing still


<:3
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » March 16th, 2005, 5:30 pm

I'm sorry

she said

the sun-faced child

who carried light

like a plate

before it broke
I used to walk with my head in the clouds but I kept getting struck by lightning!
Now my head twitches and I drool alot. Anonymouse

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v475/mousey1/shhhhhh.gif[/img]
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » March 16th, 2005, 5:34 pm

You'd better arm yourself

Truth like that

Must be defended

So righteous are you

I

Dare

Not

Disagree

But somebody will

Someone

Stronger than me
I used to walk with my head in the clouds but I kept getting struck by lightning!
Now my head twitches and I drool alot. Anonymouse

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v475/mousey1/shhhhhh.gif[/img]
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mousey1
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Post by mousey1 » March 16th, 2005, 5:37 pm

Diminished


In your eyes

I stand small and weak

A mere bug

To be crushed

By superior feet

In my eyes

See a fool
I used to walk with my head in the clouds but I kept getting struck by lightning!
Now my head twitches and I drool alot. Anonymouse

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v475/mousey1/shhhhhh.gif[/img]
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hester_prynne

Post by hester_prynne » March 17th, 2005, 6:12 pm

Well, Mousey, despite the fact that you tried to talk me out of it, I think your poetry is quite wonderful.
Who would of thought a little mouse could write poetry with such big feeling..........not to mention clarity.
More! more! please!

H 8)
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