peeling an onion -- all rights deserved

[shadowplay]

rayburn scans the daily news
front page: Failure to Heed Omens Leads
to Untimely Death -- Ignore the Warnings to your Peril!
Study Reveals the Mating Behaviour of Swans
Closely Resembles That of Whiny 40-Something Humans
Inexorable Slideshow of New Free-Range Slaughterhouse
New App Detects When Friends Start to Ignore You, Delivers 2000-Volt Shock Through Their Mobile Phone
Report: Privileged Whites More Likely
-----turns page----
Toaster's Crumb Tray is Full of Sprinkles
How Did This Happen???
Local Woman Posts Online Photos Relentlessly Hoping to Attract a Stalker
Nobody Wants to Watch Last Season's Conclusion to The Walking Dead

headlines inspired by 'The Onion' copyright 2015 -- not intended for readers under 18

[Doreen Peri]

Why the "all rights reserved"? Is that an "Onion" joke?

I gotta come back to read this later.. it's too late for me.. the Initial Caps make it hard for me to read. We usually (in the typesetting business) only use Initial Caps for titles not text... gimme a few minutes.. I'll be back

[the mingo]

right off the bat I gotta tell ya ... I forgot - ya know this kind of thing is like putting all the portable heaters away in the spring and trying to remember where you stored the fans of summer - this is also sweetly addictive so you go running around to try it yourself & for awhile it's wow-wow-wow - then something else grabs the attention - when it snows in March it's winter saying goodbye - so I wave back - Thx, shadow -

[shadowplay]

Thank you, Ton, you sumptuous beast
I'ma look at your link later, cuz I'm sure it's full of good shit, mmm hmmm

Doreen -- yes the initial caps thingie was meant to portray news headlines. I puzzled over how to do it so that it would be readable. I tried italicizing the headlines, but then noticed that didn't help much. I thought of capping all of the words, but that looks kinda dumb and I need no help doing that. -- maybe I should eff around with the line breaks --
I changed the 'all rights reserved' reference --

hey mingo, I luv stuff that grabs the attention -- yeeeaahhh...thank you!

[shadowplay]

I'll see your 2 cents and raise you an Amen.

Thank you Ton. I'm considering what you said very carefully because it went wayyy over my head.
but not really
seriously you really give excellent advice, appreciated
will revise or edit or whatever they call it, and expediently so
just in need of another coffee jolt right about now --

((((loves))))))

[Doreen Peri]

Hi shadowplay... sorry for the delay. I was busy helping my friend move and then I had to wash my hair. Again.

I'm assuming you wrote the headlines yourself? Am I right? You say they're inspired by The Onion so I'm guessing they're not actual Onion headlines, right?

Anyway, it's an interesting piece ....to a degree... but to me I'm sorry, maybe I'm a taco short of a combination plate. I'm not sure I get the point of what you're trying to do. Some of the headlines were rather amusing. I DID like the last one a lot... very funny. Might be funnier if it were zombies who didn't want to watch the last episode.

Who's "rayburn"? heh ... Hey, I told ya, I'm not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.I'm trying here, but I'm not getting much from this and usually I get more from your pieces. Maybe it's just the style that eludes me. I donno. I liked the Whiny 40-Something headline. I just can't seem to connect them into anything cohesive but that's OK. I think it's cool that you're exploring experimental styles.

Apologies for not "getting" it. Keep posting more! My brain actually kicks in from time to time when it's not being soaked during the shampooing or drying out in the aftermath.

[columbus]

I think the writers at The Onion are among the best currently working. Right up there with the people who wrote for the late/great Colbert Report.

[WIREMAN]

.....for some strange reason my eyes are watering big time now....enjoyed the ride blue shadow

[shadowplay]

Doreen, you didn't fail to understand my 'point'....I failed to make an actual 'point' and that's pretty Ok with me for the time being

I just chose the name 'rayburn' because I like it..plus remember Gene Rayburn used to be a game show host --

the headlines I used were not actual ones from The Onion...they were inspired by it. Like there was a headline that said something like "Only 40% of Celebrities Marry Their Stalkers' or something like that....I just made up the thing about Local Woman Posts Photos...etc...

I gather Ton's point was to integrate the content into a 'bigger picture', essentially making some kind of cohesive point....and...I didn't really do that. Probably I should have had all the headlines leading somewhere rather than dropping everyone off at the reference to zombies...I have only just now sat down to the computer and just drank a glass of sparkling wine so I'm pretty useless at the moment...plus I still have other shit to do before I even get to go to sleep....so this will have to wait.

fading fast................