By Accident
Posted: June 3rd, 2015, 8:32 am
BY ACCIDENT
This morning, 4:54am
(I get up early because sleeping is
like an engine on idle, and I hate to be idle)
I was getting dressed and somehow pressed
(by accident)
the button on my car remote
that had buried itself deep
within my pants pocket
and
as if in a bad dream I heard the scream
of the car horn going off in the garage
honking in continual repetition
wonk wonk honk honk
over and over
on it went
till you wanted to tear your hair out
in the meantime my wife wakes up
(not in a good mood I may add)
comes running in and YELLS
___________!!!!!!(censored)
TURN OFF THE DAMN CAR HORN
now I know I've done it
I am in big trouble
(she loves to sleep)
and so I fumble around and try to find
the keys in my pocket and the remote gizmo
the only thing is it's dark in the room
pitch black because it's 4:54 AM for chrissakes
and I'm pushing buttons trying to turn off
the dang car horn but
I hit the "Other" Car's remote (again by accident)
and the concert begins
now I have two cars honking simultaneously
back and forth
answering each other in wild crescendo
a cacophony of ear-splitting sound
two asses braying
serenading each other
this compounded by the natural echoing effect
of the closed garage
each car trying to outdo the other
wonk wonk honk honk
WONK WONK HONK HONK
dogs start barking
the neighbors lights come on
I see a shadowy pajama figure
appear in the doorway across the street
I search again for the remotes
keep touching buttons
(like reading Braille)
until I finally find the right one to click
until the final note
the symphony ends
the agony is over
meantime my wife has gone back to bed
pulled the cover up over her head
and refuses to speak to me
it will be a lonely life
for a while
but the memory of it is sweet
sugar to those of us with
a warped sense of humor
and oh
by the way
if they find my body
interrogate my wife
although...
she will probably claim it was
BY ACCIDENT.
~d.knape
This morning, 4:54am
(I get up early because sleeping is
like an engine on idle, and I hate to be idle)
I was getting dressed and somehow pressed
(by accident)
the button on my car remote
that had buried itself deep
within my pants pocket
and
as if in a bad dream I heard the scream
of the car horn going off in the garage
honking in continual repetition
wonk wonk honk honk
over and over
on it went
till you wanted to tear your hair out
in the meantime my wife wakes up
(not in a good mood I may add)
comes running in and YELLS
___________!!!!!!(censored)
TURN OFF THE DAMN CAR HORN
now I know I've done it
I am in big trouble
(she loves to sleep)
and so I fumble around and try to find
the keys in my pocket and the remote gizmo
the only thing is it's dark in the room
pitch black because it's 4:54 AM for chrissakes
and I'm pushing buttons trying to turn off
the dang car horn but
I hit the "Other" Car's remote (again by accident)
and the concert begins
now I have two cars honking simultaneously
back and forth
answering each other in wild crescendo
a cacophony of ear-splitting sound
two asses braying
serenading each other
this compounded by the natural echoing effect
of the closed garage
each car trying to outdo the other
wonk wonk honk honk
WONK WONK HONK HONK
dogs start barking
the neighbors lights come on
I see a shadowy pajama figure
appear in the doorway across the street
I search again for the remotes
keep touching buttons
(like reading Braille)
until I finally find the right one to click
until the final note
the symphony ends
the agony is over
meantime my wife has gone back to bed
pulled the cover up over her head
and refuses to speak to me
it will be a lonely life
for a while
but the memory of it is sweet
sugar to those of us with
a warped sense of humor
and oh
by the way
if they find my body
interrogate my wife
although...
she will probably claim it was
BY ACCIDENT.
~d.knape
...enjoyed snapshot of your morning.....