Indie, Jess, John and The Squits

[ephraim crud]

Indie, Jess, John and the Squits
were a rock band down in the pits
till a promoter named Pete
met them out on the street
busking for peanuts and writs.

Mr Grunt foresaw their potential
for which they were most reverential
but their first proper gig
at the Whistle and Pig
saw Indie lose her eyebrow pencil

refusing to step foot on the stage
Mr Grunt bestowed her his rage
'if you don't comply
i'll blacken your eye'
-this scene of course ensued offstage

and most for the best that it did
as Jess, flipping this, that and lid,
parted Pete from his shoes
that imparted a bruise
and brought about a breakage to Sid

Mr Grunt being built like a house
and Sid muscled much as a mouse
when the two impacted
wee Sid were compacted
too tight-lipped to tender his grouse

Sid saxophoned for The Squits
and, at this stage, were well short on wits
yet dazed and confused
he wasn't excused
his groping upon Indie's tits

a microphone stand to the guts
and a stilletoed heel to the nuts
saw his hands rescind
and him short of wind
and bleeding from testicular cuts.

meanwhile, the promoter and Jess
were busy introducing a mess
at the back of the curtain
each determined and certain
the other be at a state of undress

John, who were not known for sports
yet clearly loved boxer shorts
hovered the scene
the true drama queen
while Sid squeamed, quite out of sorts.

at this point the police muscled in
to abate this mayhem and din.
Pete and Jess were now nude
Sid prone and subdued
while John lay committing a sin.

The rest of The Squits did a bunk
as John, renowned not for his spunk
were mighty relieved
Sid bodily agrieved
and Pete the promoter punch drunk.

Indie Skreet, too, disappeared
with a poet sporting a beard.
Pete and Jess were arrested
as were John, who protested
maintaining that Sid volunteered.

what became of John's in the air
much like Jess on a wing and a prayer
-earning a bob
'sa helluva job
as a deckchair attendant in Ware.

as to Pete Grunt, the promoter
he now bums and thumbs Minnesota
bemoaning his woes
while gathering foes
and some to suicide on a rota.

as a hippo in glorious mud
(who wouldn't being stuck to e.crud)
Indie sings off her feet
to mr. crud's treat
since relieving wee Sid of some blood.

i've heard she has sexual tourettes
(recorded on ferrous cassettes)
by neighbours who've mind
to get her confined
or best, put down at the Vet's.

Indie, Jess, John and The Squits
never got to recording smash hits
in fact, not one song
were composed by that throng
oh, and Sid guts for nuts at The Ritz.

atween washing of pots, pans and dishes
he cuts, guts and prepares the fishes
and, when a-sweat not at work
he'll perspire and jerk
while skyping Marie from Mauritius.

It seems I have made a faux pas:
From a studio near Leamington Spa
they did cut a track
that was bought by Mustaq
a goatherdsman from Southern Qatar...


'GAVISCON' BY INDIE, JESSS, JOHN AND THE SQUITS

Gaviscon, oh Gaviscon, how you stilled the winds a-blowin'
stilled the fire that kept me throwin'
up my acid tum
since I took Gaviscon

Gaviscon, oh Gaviscon, how you stilled the pan a-splashin'
While I wretched, the innards thrashin'
you clean my gut
like a dream, oh Gaviscon

I can feel your alginated soda
putting back the laughter into me
with your antacid tea
like bleach to a bacterium

Gaviscon, oh Gaviscon, I was so afraid of dyin'
When my stomach was a fryin'
afore your minted sea
went flyin' through my tum

Oh Gaviscon, oh Gaviscon

[Doreen Peri]

Hahaha! An indie rock star limerick story! Gotta love it!

Follow it with "Gaviscon"? heh..... this is great... too funny!

[ephraim crud]

Thank you, Doreen. as ever, muchly appreciated. i get very carried away with me poetry as you will see if i'm on AT long enough! i've been gagged the last two days and am getting rather peeved. some of me posts have at last popped-up, but of those they've bowdlerized them and others have just been dismissed! seems one can't say anything to upset Lord fucking Gibbon!
mind, they've allowed a long reply i did to him on 'clapping in the church', though the git hasn't replied yet! anyways, THANK YOU! eph