Lyric of A Mixed Metaphor Maker

[theirishsea]

thoughts tumble down
splat on the empty space of silence
they aren't square or cubed formulations
they don't gust with rhythmic sounds
my fault
my genetics my leaning my patience
are not up to corralling them into a pen
whipping the fat off them
they still stink with the less than ideal world
they wallow in
and they are unrestrained though pent up
they grunt
like me
at all the storms and clearings
and dandelions

[saw]

very visual
the hog metaphor seems right
the messiness of the sty vis a vis the messiness of putting thoughts together
in some cogent, neat, gussied up way
a little less stinky...more melodious

the first two lines are great and set the pace for what is to come... in a visceral way

[mtmynd]

thoughts tumble down
splat on the empty space of silence
they aren't square or cubed formulations
they don't gust with rhythmic sounds
my fault
my genetics my leaning my patience
are not up to corralling them into a pen
whipping the fat off them
they still stink with the less than ideal world
they wallow in
and they are unrestrained though pent up
they grunt
like me
at all the storms and clearings
and dandelions

Hell yes!