The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

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judih
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The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by judih » December 10th, 2021, 12:54 pm

hi friends - this started many many years ago and i wanted to re-write it. Please offer opinions, how to make it more effective or whatever. Thanks

The Channeler

faded khaki backpack
sliding off slim shoulders
‘Dear ones, do not fear…’
emaciated specter
rasping portents
'Arise. Have faith. Believe.
All is for a purpose...'
A shudder, a thud
A heap on the sidewalk
his message
etched in our minds
ch 1 (online-audio-converter.com).mp3
(603.59 KiB) Not downloaded yet

saw
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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by saw » December 11th, 2021, 9:29 am

I cannot listen to the audio, but I like the images with its rather mysterious encounter that lends itself to many possibilities

the message, though a bit eerie, is positive......from beyond the ordinary ....and thus stands out as something important

and I like the economy.......no need to be verbose....... 8)
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading

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judih
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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by judih » December 11th, 2021, 12:18 pm

thanks, Steve. Sorry you can’t hear the track, but it’s not essential

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by judih » December 11th, 2021, 12:41 pm

saw wrote:
December 11th, 2021, 9:29 am
I cannot listen to the audio, but I like the images with its rather mysterious encounter that lends itself to many possibilities

the message, though a bit eerie, is positive......from beyond the ordinary ....and thus stands out as something important

and I like the economy.......no need to be verbose....... 8)
i just uploaded a different sound file. Maybe it'll work

saw
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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by saw » December 12th, 2021, 1:11 pm

It's not your recording, it's my brain judih ......that hears most everything as muffled noise.....

but I like the words !
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading

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judih
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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by judih » December 12th, 2021, 2:05 pm

thanks. And a tip of the hat to your new way of experiencing sound.

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by sasha » December 12th, 2021, 4:06 pm

I'm not quite sure what to make of it
subtlety & nuance often elude me
but I get a dark & ominous vibe
somehow reminiscent of HP Lovecraft's "Nyarlathotep"
though this is much quieter
and open-ended
it ends with a ?
not a !
.
"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by judih » December 12th, 2021, 11:08 pm

good observation, roy. Actually everything ends with a '?', or in other words, so far there's no absolute surety to anything.

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by creativesoul » December 13th, 2021, 12:24 pm

I need more details
I am pretty much sure that the field is wide open..

Conduit
Chandler
Vassal
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by sasha » December 13th, 2021, 2:13 pm

sasha wrote:
December 12th, 2021, 4:06 pm
...
but I get a dark & ominous vibe
somehow reminiscent of HP Lovecraft's "Nyarlathotep"
...
I should have said "sinister undercurrents"
the darkness is implied, not stated
or at least that's what my iiteralist's antennae pick up
.
"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by creativesoul » December 13th, 2021, 4:27 pm

Kaleidoscope
Fractured vision
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by judih » December 13th, 2021, 10:55 pm

sparse details because i didn't want to cloud the arena, but perhaps i'll take this piece into different directions. (haiku writing has taken a toll!) Thanks jana, roy, steve for reading and deliberating and commenting.

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by stilltrucking » December 18th, 2021, 8:15 pm

channeling
st jean k.
a purpose or a porpoise
spooky voice of childhood innocence
and thats all i got to say about that says the jackofnightmares circa 1944
thank you for sharing the experience.
double plus 8)

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by judih » December 18th, 2021, 11:06 pm

thanks, jack for reading and deliberating!

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Re: The Channeler - please critique (not kidding)

Post by stilltrucking » December 18th, 2021, 11:52 pm

more like a spontaneous reaction
to the pervasive voice of purpose
by my heretical faith :oops:
porpoise of purpose.jpg
porpoise of purpose.jpg (25.04 KiB) Viewed 734 times
I resist that.

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