Christmas Eve
Posted: December 24th, 2025, 1:01 pm
Twas the night before Christmas
I was deep in a dream
A crash on the roof
Caused my girlfriend to scream
She kicked me quite hard
And I fell to the floor
She yelled to get moving
Go check the back door
The lamp and my glasses
Flew up in the air
I hit deftly upon them
With my bare derriere
As I grumbled and moaned
Picking shards from my bottom
She said to yell up
As soon as you've got 'em
Now blind as a bat
I groped down the hall
Knocking portraits of relatives
From spots on the wall
The noises were coming
From inside the house
A big flash of red
This wasn't a mouse
A white bearded burglar
Who looked pretty tough
A sack full of items
He was stealing my stuff
He ran down the staircase
In the blink of an eye
Dove through the window
And ran down the drive
I grabbed for something to hurl
From the table in the hall
Found a solid heavy ring
I threw my fastball
The ring sailed on target
Hit the robber in the head
He twirled like a dancer
Fell hard and was dead
I ran quickly to open
The door to my Jeep
Grabbed my spare pair of spectacles
to examine the creep
Oh the horror I saw
Made a terrible mistake
I'd just killed St. Nicholas
with mother's fruit cake
I was deep in a dream
A crash on the roof
Caused my girlfriend to scream
She kicked me quite hard
And I fell to the floor
She yelled to get moving
Go check the back door
The lamp and my glasses
Flew up in the air
I hit deftly upon them
With my bare derriere
As I grumbled and moaned
Picking shards from my bottom
She said to yell up
As soon as you've got 'em
Now blind as a bat
I groped down the hall
Knocking portraits of relatives
From spots on the wall
The noises were coming
From inside the house
A big flash of red
This wasn't a mouse
A white bearded burglar
Who looked pretty tough
A sack full of items
He was stealing my stuff
He ran down the staircase
In the blink of an eye
Dove through the window
And ran down the drive
I grabbed for something to hurl
From the table in the hall
Found a solid heavy ring
I threw my fastball
The ring sailed on target
Hit the robber in the head
He twirled like a dancer
Fell hard and was dead
I ran quickly to open
The door to my Jeep
Grabbed my spare pair of spectacles
to examine the creep
Oh the horror I saw
Made a terrible mistake
I'd just killed St. Nicholas
with mother's fruit cake
