Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

Limp spines
wobble,
like springless
stems,
in these wintery
cold lies
of power.
Our picture,
hangs frozen in time,
like sleeping
beauty.
Dare I leave
this dying
frame,
of all that is
familiar?
My paradise,
once sideless,
glares now,
from flattened corners,
shines bright,
in a new coat of
wickedness,
antiquated
notions,
varnished
in instincts,
useless now.
As I prepare
to make my jump,
into netless,
parachuteless,
I beg you to come
with me,
for I will be
lonely,
out there,
drifting,
safe and sound,
beyond the fall.

hester prynne wrote:As I prepare
to make my jump,
into netless,
parachuteless,
I beg you to come
with me,
for I will be
lonely,
out there,
drifting,
safe and sound,
beyond the fall.

The ending here is definitely the solid foundation of this poem. The poem started off in a bit of a (what seemed to me and no pun intended) wobbly way. I found myself reading it and relating to it, but not necessarily engaging myself in it. However, from the quoatation above, I was knocked flat back. Strong writing! It made me go back over the whole poem and rethink my approach to how I had read and understood it. Well done.

i am here
hold my hand
together we shall
make the fall
freely in the hands
of powers that be...
our trust will not fail
that the breath of
nature will suspend
us and allow you
to experience freedom
from pain and despair
so the seeds of love
will again sprout
within and be your
lifeline to existence

Thank you Joel, and Mightymind, from the bottom of my heart.

Joel, you are right, it was a wobbly beginning, in a space of love and anger, mixed with confusion. It strengthened for me as I went with it too. I'm glad you jumped with me.

Cec, you made me well up with hope. It's not the first time......

Thanks again.
These days, I'm a monkey, swinging on a vine of independence and neediness, at the same time. Weird place.
H

Hiya Hester,

I have to agree with Joel and say it did start out wobbley, though not the very beginning, I thought the first four lines were well thought out and intriguing,

"Limp spines
wobble,
like springless
stems,"

However, this next section is really cliched and slapped together:

"in these wintery
cold lies
of power.
Our picture,
hangs frozen in time,
like sleeping
beauty.
Dare I leave
this dying
frame,
of all that is
familiar?"

I only say this because I've followed a bit of your work since being here and it doesn't seem to be as personally worded as some of your other work.

But then you get back into it with some decent word choices and progress the poem nicely....

"My paradise,
once sideless,
glares now,
from flattened corners,
shines bright,
in a new coat of
wickedness,
antiquated
notions,
varnished
in instincts,
useless now."

And end it fairly strongly with:

As I prepare
to make my jump,
into netless,
parachuteless,
I beg you to come
with me,
for I will be
lonely,
out there,
drifting,
safe and sound,
beyond the fall.

Though I have to admit I'm not too keen with parachuteless, it has a really clunky sound to it...although the meaning works for the poem, was wondering if there is a better way of saying it, or even leaving "netless" speak for both? Just an idea. Anyways, enjoyed the read, thanks for sharing.

Trev

exploring
the within
i found
an abyss

where
the soul
was supposed
to be

but for
a life line

i almost didn't
make it back