The cruiser and the [i]email[/i]:
Posted: June 26th, 2005, 11:36 am
had to get this of this board
This strikes me as having a lot of potential. The story has two strong directions and I think they juxtapose nicely together--
1) Timbo's apparent carelessness and sensual needs;
2) Timbo's hopeless devotion/obesession in hearing back from "someone".
For readability, I think you could pull the grammar a bit more together. I'm not attacking poetic license, but I found some of the grammar hurt the transfer of information from a good story to my confused head.
Despite all that, I enjoyed reading this and really think it's a succinct way of looking at the duality in a person's approach to needs and independence.