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Gone
Posted: July 5th, 2005, 6:29 pm
by faithmairee
prove me right
or prove me wrong
it will not matter
once i'm gone
prove me weak
or prove me strong
don't wait to love me
'till i'm gone
Posted: July 5th, 2005, 7:07 pm
by iblieve
I loved this poem, said so much my friend. You need to bring this one to darc.
http://akashanetweb.com/darc/index.php
"C"
Posted: July 5th, 2005, 7:29 pm
by joel
I think the meter in this piece lends it both a good rhythm and a natural flow. I like your use of few words to express larger thoughts--simple and open-ended.
One editorial comment on the last line:
I'm all about poetic lisence, so disregard this at will.
In the rules world, I believe
until=till='til
Technically the apostrophe before a double-l "till" (e.g. " 'till i'm gone ") is unneccesary. But that's just rules.
-joel
thank you
Posted: July 5th, 2005, 7:33 pm
by faithmairee
i appreciate both of your kind words...thank you for taking the time to both read and respnd to my work
faithmairee
Posted: July 5th, 2005, 8:49 pm
by iblieve
LMAO poetic license means rules are meant to be broken and DARC is dedicated to breaking every rule in the book as long the message is unadulterated. "C"
Love Ya Joel but leave the rule book at home, J/K