tales from the lizard dreamer

[creativesoul]

i was sleeping at the farm again. after the warmth of hawaii was back inside my soul, i returned to oregon to the coldest cold i had ever felt, went through the walls. finally after that cowboy truck driver came by and started to tell me naked, " that latte s were "spendy". " such a fool. he did not know that earlier i was wanting to take an axe to the pantetoni, fucking italian christmas cake, torte whatever.
i decided i had better sleep some more.
in my dreams i was asking them what to do
i had been in this little town ;called here---- from a pretty nice little life in hawaii to fix this house, and whatever was broken inside of me
there was alot that could not be repaired.
i had asked the sky to take me home several times,and now finally i was being released.
moving forward
the spirits sometimes give odd instructions
i had asked them how to integrate what seemed like two lives, sometimes three
all of them somehow belonging to me.
and what they told me to do did not really make sense but i did it anyway, explaining to my roomate to leave the thing alone
she obliged me, and i slept on it again
my sleep is a powerful thing
when i woke up that cowboy truckdriver had left a sweet stocking made of hide with a starbucks five dollar cup of coffee in it
i guess he thought about it
i had to explain to him that i do not smoke, take drugs or drink, you arent going to take my lattes.
dont deal with fucking control freaks
so i am moving
leaving the ranch
cant stand loggers truckdrivers mill workers
i dont want to talk to people that wear plaid, carhart clothing, and have sleep disorders from working strange shifts
disconnected from thier inner workings the clock ticks from the mill
while they demonstrate the human body being poisoned
i am off to the big city
to paint my nails, plant quaint little flowers up the walkway
and put french doors along the back wall of joes house
my dogs will go to school with me
and the cats will knock stuff over in the big city house
the gym and meetings
and all the art i can choke down like a fat lady at a spagehtti feed
dreams are powerful i tell you
let me paint the wings on your angels many colors
and let me light the lanterns in your heart
or leave me to squander the hours the way i see fit
knit a scarf for a friend that looks like my grannys poodle
so heavy
the shadows under her eyes
wrinkled hands
she touches me from the other side
where she is laughing and young again
she smiles when i come to the city
she knows i will be happier here
my grandfather loves her
watches over my sons
who i am enstranged from
they are hostages of my x husbands money
sometimes that is not very funny

i went to the jail today
i signed up to be the one that a woman finds when she is released from prison
funny you would not think i knew what that felt like
but i do
i loved someone like that once
now it shines like experience out of my horse like nostrils as i sweat and snort and make my way around the race track
hoping that this will become more interesting
less difficult, and perhaps i can even imagine the world the way it is supposed to be the dawn like morning breathe
betting on peace and precision

[mnaz]

powerful stuff, creativesoul.

searching, careening through different geographies, inward, outward...

It will take several more reads...