Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

(this is for some of the people that comment that I know very little about love--on other post of mine.)

It is all in spit now
I have to drink the coffee
have my smoke
read the book I started
there is like 34 pages left
I am not in to it
i read on
I do not care what happens to the protaganist
but I like the writer and
I hold on the the dream that
it would be as good as the last one
but they keep geting worse.love poems

love poems shriek
like starlings &
carry me away on
disgruntled waves
to where the
hopeless pine away

Red velvet,
or was it black velvet,
under a moonlit night
the stars danced
like kisses.
My soul, my soul,
my broken heart
bleeds.
I remember now.
It was black velvet,
red blood and
something about ashes,
fire and destruction.
Screams of pain,
torment,
and promises.
And don't forget
to remember forever
eternity.

Axanderdeath wrote:It is all in spit now

Love:
It’s all in spit now.
Love,
Its all: in spit now.

Love poems or romance?

I don't like romantic poetry

Well nothing much since 12th century France

" the eyes go reconoitering for what is pleasing to the heart"

sounds like love to me Geoff. thanks

Hello Axanderdeath. Most love poems are severely lacking today, I agree. Just my opinion, but I think you can enhance the poetic quality of the piece by omitting some of the 'I''s. Redundancy and too much repitition often tire a reader. EX:

I am not into it
i read on
I do not care what happens to the protagonist.

I am not into it
yet read on,
do not care what happpens to the protagonist.

It avoids the rat-a-tat-tat of repetition and the 'I' is still implied anyway.

The last three lines seem a bit contradictory to me too. If you dream that it would be as good as the last one yet state you already know they keep getting worse, well....

I would also omit 'love poems' at the end line and just use it as the title for greater effect.

I am also left a bit confused about 34 pages left and the 'protagonist' when the end line implies that you are reading a book of love poems, one of which is 34 pages long? It feels as if you have weaved two poems into one here somehow. Anyway, please take this in the spirit in which it is meant, constructive critique and appreciation of your work. I expect no less when I post my work.

Peace,

lenny

i like the repetitive i
o my
it expresses personal feeling

dont mind it without i either
yet so analytical
deduction not seduction

i go my the more personal
to err on the side of spirit
not calculated

even ambiguous yes
a book of love poems
a book of dreams
a protagonist going down
his dreams all around
leaves falling in spring.

none of you got the poem--that is the thing--I was saying that love sours with time and love does not last forever---Have you ever been reading a book and at the start you really love it--but by the end it is a pain just to finish----love the "reading in to my work thing tho--and jimmy jimmbo--you know I love hearing from you, DICK!!!

Really tho thank you all for reading I take it as a compliment that you would take the tim


geoff

Yeah well, I like love poems that are not directed to occupant.

Just because you wrote it don't mean you can tell me I did not get it.



http://greatamericanpinup.blogspot.com/ ... -pill.html

Love Poem

It's so nice
to wake up in the morning
all alone
and not have to tell somebody
you love them
when you don't love them
any more.

It was such a lonely feeling for me to wake up to next to someone after a night of pretty good sex and not feel a got dam thing for her except for wanting to get the hell out of there. . A brave new world you live in. The idea that a woman might feel the same way is pretty rnew to me.

I work from a pretty distant memory of these things.

and jimmy jimmbo--you know I love hearing from you, DICK!!!

that's WillyDick, man.
I gotta check you out now and agin,
it won't be th last, matey,
hey, I, er,
like see what ya mean,

kinky friedman ties me up
laughing
then the ending is schmaltzy
alwayz advance
amigo.

it's a groove being married
and on the edge.
and know that if you fuck up
sweet streets are waiting
to fry your soul,,,,,.

why i like to get into that blues jazz mix sometimes.
makes me appreciate my wife, er, life.
manyana the Latin quarter in Tampa.
old corner cafes
the cuban breadsticks leaned up against the door
waiting to open the place
and smell the place up
fresh cuban bread and coffee
i bleary eyed take theback streets
into the jewel mine
where pidgin espanyol emanates from my jaundiced soul
like little butterflies of childish gibberish
a comfort to the old lady who tellz me that I butcher her idioma.
at least she smiles
so for you
i hope the same, amigo, way north,
living in the French quarter
of North America.
Bon vivant!

Hey, Jimboloco...you make me want to move!!! You're killin' me man. Closest thing I've got to a latin companion is my hand rolled Dominican cigar! ls.

Be well,

lenny

Jim I was not being rude there to you it was a joke. thanks for reading--i don't read your stuff because i don't enjoy reading it--you must like geting in arguments with me or just rip fests--I am tired with a sore throat--worried about cancer. anyway I found the time to write this...

Geez, man, you don't like my stuff?
forgetabout it, I know you was kidding, in your youngblood way,
lenny, where you are at?
Hand roolled what?

Geoff, I gotta check you out every once in awhile,
It would piss me off if you got down, man,
dig?

Hey, Jimboloco. Virginia, northern part of the state. And I really meant hand rolled cigars from the Dominican Republic. I just like a good cigar - full leaf, no chopped - every now and then. Always smoke them outside and never inhale. It's just relaxing...maybe not as much as what I 'used' to roll, but nonetheless. Take care, man.

Be well,

lenny

i keep wondering when a dominican rolled hurricane is gonna wrap it's way up into chesapeake bay, mon.
mercy, ceegarz, mercy.
i be well if'n th crik don't rise.
how's springtime?

geoff i work in a cancer unit
what i call the jewel mine.
jaundiced eye don't mind,
sail on.