A Short History of My Musical Career
Posted: June 9th, 2006, 11:33 am
A Short History of My Musical Career
When I was about five
the toy xylophone
the mallet had batteries in the handle
I played The First Noel
Then in my grandmother's attic
I found the old Silvertone
Sears & Roebuck guitar
once belonged to my uncle
had been aging like whiskey
under dry Texas eaves
since 1945
It was an old arch-top instrument
they don't build them that way anymore
thank god
the strings stood about a half an inch
above the neck
I couldn't make a note
So I removed the arch and took the larger piece out
and just put the nut back in
now the strings were too low
so I put a nickel and a dime under each side
perfect action
I called it my thirty cent guitar
In those days everybody played the guitar
If you couldn't at least play the bass line for Satisfaction
you were a social retard.
Ah, my first wind instrument, the clarinet.
I had signed up for the band, sixth grade
Benny Goodman was my hero
I had seen the Steve Allen movie
we both wore glasses
But I had no clarinet.
The first day of band practice
and I had no clarinet
I sat in the school cafeteria at lunch
brooding because I had no clarinet
there was a nudge on my shoulder
I looked up to see my mother
she had a case in her hand
It was a brand new Normandy clarinet
I showed up at the first rehearsal, instrument in hand.
I was in the band
I was forced to learn music
I mean the reading and writing kind
It was just another type of arithmetic
math with colors
I marched in the school band until I broke my tooth
the inside corner of my front incisor
it was a pool accident, left a nerve dangling
the clarinet became torture for me
the vibrating mouthpiece on my naked nerve
like fingernails on a chalkboard
plus I hated marching band
I went back to the guitar
I didn't change the strings on that old Silvertone
for two years. I would scour them down with a Brillo pad
when they got too rusty to make the notes.
I had my Bob Dylan Songbook.
In college, my room mate
hijacked my musical sensibilities with Coltrane
and Sun Ra and Miles Davis and Roland Kirk
Pink Floyd didn't help and there were these new things called synthesizers.
Enter: The Flute
Ok, none of the following really happened
but it seems as if it did
A big green peyote-headed monster-god named Mescalito
hit me in the head with a flute and said,
"Here kid, figure this pipe out."
And he handed me the flute.
The fingering was no problem, much like the clarinet.
It was the embechure that gave me problems.
I know, its just like blowing into a bottle
but yoga had taught me the importance of breath and it's subtleties.
I spent ten hours a day for the next three years
wore out two Gemeinhart flutes
by way of taking Mescalito's challenge
now the flute is my signature.
Did any of this happen? Maybe.
Oh yeah, the piano was in there somewhere.
I beat my grandmother's spinet to death.
a spastic theolonius. It's the mother of all instruments.
It's all right there in front of you in black and white.
In my next life, I'll play the violin.
but for now it's the flute
When I was about five
the toy xylophone
the mallet had batteries in the handle
I played The First Noel
Then in my grandmother's attic
I found the old Silvertone
Sears & Roebuck guitar
once belonged to my uncle
had been aging like whiskey
under dry Texas eaves
since 1945
It was an old arch-top instrument
they don't build them that way anymore
thank god
the strings stood about a half an inch
above the neck
I couldn't make a note
So I removed the arch and took the larger piece out
and just put the nut back in
now the strings were too low
so I put a nickel and a dime under each side
perfect action
I called it my thirty cent guitar
In those days everybody played the guitar
If you couldn't at least play the bass line for Satisfaction
you were a social retard.
Ah, my first wind instrument, the clarinet.
I had signed up for the band, sixth grade
Benny Goodman was my hero
I had seen the Steve Allen movie
we both wore glasses
But I had no clarinet.
The first day of band practice
and I had no clarinet
I sat in the school cafeteria at lunch
brooding because I had no clarinet
there was a nudge on my shoulder
I looked up to see my mother
she had a case in her hand
It was a brand new Normandy clarinet
I showed up at the first rehearsal, instrument in hand.
I was in the band
I was forced to learn music
I mean the reading and writing kind
It was just another type of arithmetic
math with colors
I marched in the school band until I broke my tooth
the inside corner of my front incisor
it was a pool accident, left a nerve dangling
the clarinet became torture for me
the vibrating mouthpiece on my naked nerve
like fingernails on a chalkboard
plus I hated marching band
I went back to the guitar
I didn't change the strings on that old Silvertone
for two years. I would scour them down with a Brillo pad
when they got too rusty to make the notes.
I had my Bob Dylan Songbook.
In college, my room mate
hijacked my musical sensibilities with Coltrane
and Sun Ra and Miles Davis and Roland Kirk
Pink Floyd didn't help and there were these new things called synthesizers.
Enter: The Flute
Ok, none of the following really happened
but it seems as if it did
A big green peyote-headed monster-god named Mescalito
hit me in the head with a flute and said,
"Here kid, figure this pipe out."
And he handed me the flute.
The fingering was no problem, much like the clarinet.
It was the embechure that gave me problems.
I know, its just like blowing into a bottle
but yoga had taught me the importance of breath and it's subtleties.
I spent ten hours a day for the next three years
wore out two Gemeinhart flutes
by way of taking Mescalito's challenge
now the flute is my signature.
Did any of this happen? Maybe.
Oh yeah, the piano was in there somewhere.
I beat my grandmother's spinet to death.
a spastic theolonius. It's the mother of all instruments.
It's all right there in front of you in black and white.
In my next life, I'll play the violin.
but for now it's the flute
