and i light a smoke having no idea what the fuck to write

Post your poetry, any style.
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YABYUM
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and i light a smoke having no idea what the fuck to write

Post by YABYUM » August 15th, 2006, 8:14 am

their faces in a mountains shadow they're evrywhere i am
a smoke a drink a laugh a few shots to the grill and waking up feeling
could be death could be hangers holding me over right side hurts
smoke a demi death god drink a sip then go a thousand
miles are riddles dreams sceam fly puncuate my words as if i be a balloon as if we be exclamations in a footnote for our heart
http://frombeerstobabies.blogspot.com/

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Dave The Dov
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Post by Dave The Dov » August 15th, 2006, 11:42 am

Write down and sort it out later!!!!
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Last edited by Dave The Dov on March 19th, 2009, 6:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Diana Moon Glampers
Posts: 310
Joined: February 2nd, 2006, 9:11 pm
Location: stilltrucking's vanity

Post by Diana Moon Glampers » August 15th, 2006, 2:08 pm

Yes yes

Like this:
Belief & Technique in Modern Prose

1. Scribbled secrete notebooks and wild typewritten pages for yr own joy

8. Write what you want bottomless from the bottom of the mind.

9. The unspeakable visions of the individual

10. No time for poetry but exactly what is

11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest

13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibitions

19. Accept loss for ever.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Walking around with my fly open
Oedipus fucked his own eyes out
such dangling hangine meat

Golda Meir
snip
on the wall
snipped
Pussy whipped
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Free Rice

"a sixty-eight-year-old virgin who, by almost anybody's standards, was too dumb to live. Her name was Diana Moon Glampers."

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the flaming ace
Posts: 148
Joined: May 1st, 2006, 12:02 pm
Location: san pedro, playa de nada

Post by the flaming ace » August 22nd, 2006, 2:48 pm

i'd like to whip golda meir's pussy
even if she's from milwaukee
and thread the highway once agin
if only in memory
[b][color=darkgreen]one more for th road[/color][/b] :mrgreen:

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lenny
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Joined: March 14th, 2006, 9:38 pm
Location: Virginia, U.S.A.
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Re: and i light a smoke having no idea what the fuck to writ

Post by lenny » August 23rd, 2006, 8:52 am

YABYUM wrote:their faces in a mountains shadow they're evrywhere i am

##A good beginning but no follow up tie-in.

a smoke a drink a laugh a few shots to the grill and waking up feeling

##A good picture emerging and imagery.

could be death could be hangers holding me over right side hurts

##Good continuation of second line.

smoke a demi death god drink a sip then go a thousand

##Wafting into vagueness for me and leaving thread that was being established.

miles are riddles dreams sceam fly puncuate my words as if i be a

##It is obvious you are musing here but the reader should be able to follow your musings to retain the readers interest.

balloon as if we be exclamations in a footnote for our heart
##This is only my very humble opinion, yabyum, but I think more focus would greatly enhance this piece. Please don't be mad at my assessment as that is all that it is - my assessment. Thanks for sharing.

lenny
None of us ever gets anything we don't either need or deserve. Dry those liquid emotions and move on.

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