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and i light a smoke having no idea what the fuck to write
Posted: August 15th, 2006, 8:14 am
by YABYUM
their faces in a mountains shadow they're evrywhere i am
a smoke a drink a laugh a few shots to the grill and waking up feeling
could be death could be hangers holding me over right side hurts
smoke a demi death god drink a sip then go a thousand
miles are riddles dreams sceam fly puncuate my words as if i be a balloon as if we be exclamations in a footnote for our heart
Posted: August 15th, 2006, 11:42 am
by Dave The Dov
Write down and sort it out later!!!!
_________________
1920 recession
Posted: August 15th, 2006, 2:08 pm
by Diana Moon Glampers
Yes yes
Like this:
Belief & Technique in Modern Prose
1. Scribbled secrete notebooks and wild typewritten pages for yr own joy
8. Write what you want bottomless from the bottom of the mind.
9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest
13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibitions
19. Accept loss for ever.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Walking around with my fly open
Oedipus fucked his own eyes out
such dangling hangine meat
Golda Meir
snip
on the wall
snipped
Pussy whipped
Posted: August 22nd, 2006, 2:48 pm
by the flaming ace
i'd like to whip golda meir's pussy
even if she's from milwaukee
and thread the highway once agin
if only in memory
Re: and i light a smoke having no idea what the fuck to writ
Posted: August 23rd, 2006, 8:52 am
by lenny
YABYUM wrote:their faces in a mountains shadow they're evrywhere i am
##A good beginning but no follow up tie-in.
a smoke a drink a laugh a few shots to the grill and waking up feeling
##A good picture emerging and imagery.
could be death could be hangers holding me over right side hurts
##Good continuation of second line.
smoke a demi death god drink a sip then go a thousand
##Wafting into vagueness for me and leaving thread that was being established.
miles are riddles dreams sceam fly puncuate my words as if i be a
##It is obvious you are musing here but the reader should be able to follow your musings to retain the readers interest.
balloon as if we be exclamations in a footnote for our heart
##This is only my very humble opinion, yabyum, but I think more focus would greatly enhance this piece. Please don't be mad at my assessment as that is all that it is - my assessment. Thanks for sharing.
lenny