fear and insult

[izeveryboyin]

poisoned, scared by chicken wire
sexless, weightless, no desire
freedom, wistful... hope devoid
Tired, hopped up, celluloid
I am trying to be expressive
teeming, gleeming, nay transgressive.
I am trying to make a scene
matchbooks, fire, heroin fiend.
I want my lover to love me still
when I am pressed to make him ill
I want my lover to lay me down
and while inside me, make not a sound
I am unwound.
Bound by the workings of this, my fragile mind.
I'm behind all the others because I am overfed...
Decidely witty, but fucked in the head
I admit an addiction to shitty depictions of you and I in various poses
Plastered together and covered with roses.
Despite all this beauty, I am conquered by fear
Oh how I wish grandmother was here.

[joel]

I want my lover to lay me down
and while inside me, make not a sound
I am unwound.
Bound by the workings of this, my fragile mind.

This is awesome! I really like the way this section breaks out of the general meter and end rhyme into something almost like Burmese climbing rhyme...
blah blah blah HOUSE
blah blah MOUSE blah
SPOUSE blah blah blah
...especially with this being tied into sexual imagery, it forces the speed of the poem up--the rhyming words pop up sooner and sooner and sooner until it all comes to a head (no pun intended) in your fragile mind. What an awesome climax/stop--especially since it's the one non-rhymed lined in the piece. Exquisite. Get's me all excited. <whoa>

[izeveryboyin]

I am glad Joel, that despite it's constant staccatto (oxymoron?) the piece was still enjoyable. It's where my head was at the time. All over, sped up... I was very "unwound". At first I thought I'd write a journal entry, instead I came up with this, which you seem to have greatly enjoyed. Sweet.

--k

[joel]

I came up with this, which you seem to have greatly enjoyed. Sweet.

--k

I can't even begin to explain how much...so good. Thanks.

[Perdida]

Strong imagery, loved the flow..took me right in.

Greatly enjoyed

P