hush

[creativesoul]

colorful they said
"you certainly have led a colorful life"

where did you grow up?
cleaned like a fish in a third world country, in the market place, each scale like a shining mirror being scraped my skin
each scale is like a window into the past
palm springs, LA ......new york city, italy, nigeria, australia, thailand, kauai; truth is i did not grow up, see.i have alot of stories to tell about some of the lessons i have learned and some about the ones i am learning now, all of which humor has gently slapped the sides of my boat
put me to sleep on occassion out of boredom
or resistance, reacting to what i think you want from me
and once given, i suspect that there will be peace
ah but that is foolishness, because suddenly there will be an even longer list of absurd expectations of which i am clueless
absolve me of my sins you catholic priest
judgement and sorrow
porn and incest traveling a less than holi path
i seal off the holes in my soul with healing and prayer
with band aids and gauze another horror movie is revisisted
a vampire in denial
sucking the air from a round my head
there are just too many needs to forfill
none of which are mine
tragic
the ineuendos and implications of distrust
brought on a replenishing lust
i went to the doctor and told her
"I am nuthing but horny"
she gave me hor-moans
i went to the shrink, he gave me anti-depressants
i talked to my friend that lied to me
not for the first or the last time
"you are slurring your words"
i was swallowing peanut butter
"you are slurring your words"
"it was my partial"
the 100 greatest lies of addicts
i am not high being the best
i want to sleep
being the best honesty has to offer
i do not want to feel
is the next best thing to being there
where is there? no one as realy been able to define exactly where that is
efforts to describe where there is has been a challenge for many writers, suciicides and depression
all in an effort to communicate just what the problem might be.
other than the problem of expression, there really is not a problem
unless you are "one of those" that feel that expression is difficult
then it is ike a song that cannnot get out
trapped
in a cage, a bird that cannot fly
wings clipped by society and economy
i listen to what people say
andwonder sometimes exactly what they really mean
or am listening so intensely
and triggered
my mind starts teling jokes
why?
i seldom understand whyi do not have to anymore
short of responsability for my own body of emotions
i reluctantly reveal factual evidence like a instruction manual
do ot oprate heavy macihnery while under the influence
may cause drousiness
side effects include
vulnerability
tempory fits of anger
phone calls about things happening in the future
that i can have no hand