Daddy's Gonna Buy You a Mockingbird

[Lightning Rod]

source
http://birdsofsanibel.free.fr/Mockingbird.jpg


Daddy's Gonna Buy You a Mockingbird
for release 12-07-06
Washington DC

It is a long-standing tradition in rich, dynastic families for Daddy to hire people to go behind his children to clean up their little messes. And I don't mean butlers and maids.

Got caught cheating on your final exams? Daddy will talk to the dean.
Wanna go AWOL from the National Guard? Daddy's got you covered.
Got some girl knocked up? Daddy can fix it.
You need a DWI charge to disappear? No problem.
You stepped in shit? Daddy getchu a new pair o' shoes.
Daddy gonna buy you a mockingbird.

Joe Kennedy was an expert at this and Daddy Bush is no slouch either. Now 41 is sending in his cleanup crew to help 43 out of the little mess he made in Iraq. Old friend James Baker is already on the job and now comes Robert Gates.

So, we get rid of Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense (formally known as Secretary of War--ain't Newspeak great?) and who do we get?......An Aggie.

The Senate has confirmed Robert Gates as defense secretary. For those of you who don't know it, Gates is a Bush family insider and for the past few years has enjoyed the plum position as president of Texas A&M University. This makes him an Aggie. Are the alarms going off yet?

For those of you who are not from Texas, let me explain what an Aggie is. Simply put, an Aggie is anyone who attends or has attended Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University.

My grandfather was an Aggie. Not just an Aggie by-the-way but an Aggie dyed-in-the-wool. Jerrell owned an electrical contracting business and all of his service trucks were painted maroon. (maroon and white are A&M school colors.) I was in my teens before I realized that Thanksgiving was a holiday commemorating something other than the UT-A&M football game.

While I had the deepest respect and love for the man I called my grandfather, he was not my actual grandfather. He married my grandmother who was a young widow with two children, one being my mother. So, I don't have any actual Aggie blood in my veins.

This fact allowed me to escape from Aggie Jokes.

Aggies hold a special place in the panoply of Texas humor. They are somewhere between a pollack and a blonde. The Aggie is portrayed as the ignorant yokel country boy with manure lodged under the heel of his cowboy boots and has amorous relationships with heifers.

Here are some of my favorite Aggie jokes:

Why do Aggies hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.

Did you know that there are three types of Aggies?
Those who can count and those who can't.

Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot?
He flew 22 missions.

Then there the Aggie that was hunting in the woods. He happened upon this beautiful woman laying naked in the grass. He asked her, "Are you game?" The woman said "yes."
So he shot her.

Why do Aggies like smart women?
Opposites attract. (this could apply to George Bush, but he ain't an Aggie)

How do you recognize an Aggie in a department store?
He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.

Speaking of the revolving door, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune, the first thing that Gates will have to do before taking his post as defense secretary is to divest himself of a quarter of a million dollars worth of stock he holds in the defense contractor NACCO.

If you believe in blind trusts, I have an Aggie whorehouse to sell you. (an Aggie whorehouse is another word for a barn.)

The Poet's Eye spies the ultimate Aggie joke. How many Aggies does it take to end a war? I hope it's only one.



Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

If that mockingbird don't sing,
Daddy's gonna buy you a baseball team.

If that team it has no class,
Daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass.

If that looking glass gets broke,
Daddy's gonna buy you a billy-goat.

If that billy-goat won't pull,
Daddy's gonna buy you a cart and bull.

If that cart and bull turns over,
Daddy's gonna buy you a dog named Rover.

If that dog named Rover won't bark,
Daddy's gonna buy you a horse and cart.

If that horse and cart falls down,
You'll still be the sweetest little Georgie in town.
---traditional, adapted

[stilltrucking]

As in daddy is going to buy you some political cover.
http://www.wamu.org/programs/dr/06/12/07.php#12526



good eye Clay

[jimboloco]

I got two uncles who are Aggies.
One guy is OK, he doesn't fit the mold, moved to southern Cal, is old and goofy.

The other, by marriage to my aunt, comes from old country money, a large land owner, Shreveport. cotton, pecans, soybeans (for hogs).
At my grandmother's post-funereal reception, he kept bugging me, "What do you think about the Vietnam War?" He flew recon in Korean War, has his medals up on the wall, framed. Finally I said, "They'd have been better off if we'd left them alone." Mercy, another uncle-by-marraige, my trucker George Wallace loving uncle screamed at me, "One cell on my butt has more intelligence then your entire body!" swear to gawd, in front of everybody, my agghie uncle smiling at that. so I says to them, "war wimps!". That brought them down and I left.
Nowadays I would laugh.
We ain't spoke in many years.

My nephew went to College Station for a year,
mercy. I 'member hearing that an I thought, oh no, that kid's a gonna be an Aggie! ha ha
after a year he had enough, evidently staYed on the fringes,
then moved to auStin, was in a band, met a lovely lady from Europe, a Muslim Albanian, now they are married and living in rockabilly heaven.

In air Farce pilot training we had two Aggies. One was a biker, military brat, flunked the academic portion of pilot training (unbelieveable, multiple choice), liked Grace Slick. He was blessed. The other one nearly killed me in T-38 school, flying blindly at a practice field, doing about 300 knots at 1000 feet, a near miss, I pulled up just in time, he went on to fly B-52's and have a perfect Aggie numbskuill life.mmm i went on to be the anti-aggie,

Billy Bob Gates can't be as dumb as Rumsfeld, but he isn't about to have any ephipanies either. Clever within his lil-ol frame of reference.
One can only hope for miracles and maintain.

[stilltrucking]