George Bush and The Dalai Lama --Odd Couple
Posted: October 16th, 2007, 9:57 pm
http://www.rfa.org
George Bush and The Dalai Lama --Odd Couple
for release 09-16-07
Washington DC
When I learned that the Dalai Lama was going to meet with President Bush I had to pause and rub my temples. It's not that I feared what the meeting would do to China-US relations, I just wondered: What could these two men possibly have to talk about? If ever I could be a fly on the wall and listen to the conversation going on in a room it would be this one.
OK, my imagination is running wild. Maybe it would go something like this:
Secretary: Mr. President, The Dalai Lama.
Bush: Pleased to meetcha Mr. Lama. Can I call you Dolly?
DL: Yes, Mr. President you can call me anything you wish, a blade of grass, a breath of wind.
Bush: Well, you can call me George or just W or ....hehe....Mr. Decider. Since we are both spiritual leaders I figger we ought to be on familiar terms.
DL: I agree, Mr. President. You can call me Spike. Sting is already taken.
Bush: Ok Spike. I wanna talk a little about...you know... enlightenment. Few years ago I was talkin' to Billy Graham. You know the reverend?
DL: Yes, we correspond.
Bush: Well, he turned my life around. I was in Kinnebunkport one summer and I was about to snort this big line of cocaine off of the bathroom counter when Dr. Graham came in to use the potty. His coat brushed the line of cocaine down the sink. And from that moment, Spike, I was a new man. Reborn. I knew I was to be the leader of the free world and to establish a new order of democracy and good ole Southern Christianity and capitalist freedom all over the world.
DL: Billy never told me that story. However, I am glad that you experienced a
moment of enlightenment. The problem with enlightenment is that you can also be mis-enlighted.
Bush: Boy, tell me about it. The CIA said that Saddam was up to his neck in yellow cake and that he was gonna sneak terrorists disguised as dope smugglers into our country and that Al Queada was taking jacuzzis with his harem. What was I to think? I had to invade. So, we had to cook the enlightenment a little bit. 'Weapons of Mass Destruction' had such a mantric ring to it. It became our chant. It was strong as the OM, Spike.
DL: Mr. President, can we talk about the occupation of my country by the Chinese?
Bush: Well, Spike, my CIA, which I like to call my Cosmic Inlightenment Agency, has told me that your country is occupied by the Chinese because of the lead. Let's face it, Tibet is just a bunch of mountains and snow. But the Chinese are using the lead in them thar hills to spike our Barbie dolls so that the next generation of Americans will all be lead poisoned retards. I know what this feels like. When I was a boy in West Texas I used to chew on my GI Joe.
DL: Yes, I had a statue of the Buddha to which I was very attached. It was made of hashish and opium. You have a great responsibility, Mr. President. I pray that you carry it out with faith and wisdom.
Bush: Yesh, I think I have faith and wishdom. I watch Joel Osteen on TV every Sunday, and Dr. Phil. My faith centers me. I always know the right thing to do. That's why they call me The Decider....heheh.....
DL: Enlightenment can be a simple as opening one's eyes.
Bush: Exactly, Spike. We should open our eyes to every telephone conversation and every e-mail and every text message. I have a whole agency for this called the NSA.
DL: I can't afford agencies, Mr. President. I am a government in exile.
Bush: Well don't feel lonely, Spike, I'm about to join you.
And that's the news from The Poet's Fly.
Day after day,
Alone on the hill,
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still,
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool,
And nobody seems to like him
They can tell what he wants to do.
And he never shows his feelings,
But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.
---Beatles