Phelps, Bad Role Model
Posted: March 14th, 2009, 1:12 pm
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Role Models
for release 03-14-09
Dallas, Texas
by Lightning Rod
Michael Phelps is a terrible role model. I've lost all respect for him. Who woulda thunk it? Say it ain't so, Mike!
I'm not talking about the fact that he smoked a little pot with his friends at a party. Big fucking deal. What I'm talking about is his pussified response to this controversy. Perhaps it's because I don't think that smoking a little pot requires a public apology.
He said, 'I made a foolish mistake."
Well, I'm here to say that it wasn't a foolish mistake. It was a bunch of kids having fun at a party. Nobody was hurt. There was no violence or cruelty or coercion involved. Everybody went home with a smile on their face. Where is the mistake?
Oh yeah, the mistake was that a picture was taken. Suddenly it's the bong hit heard round the world. Bubble, bubble, bubble.
Now enter Michael's handlers. "Mike, we're in trouble. If you were caught shot-gunning a Budweiser at a party, that would have been ok, but you were giving a blow-job to a BONG, ferchrissakes! There are twenty million bucks worth of endorsements at stake here. Wheaties has already freaked and put Mary Lou Retton back on the box. We need serious damage control, son. You've got to wear this speed-o hair-shirt for awhile. Go on TV and say you really fucked up and that you are sorry, sorry, sorry, etc."
Times are hard. Michael caved in. He went on TV and said he was a foolish, young, stupid jerk He smeared himself with ashes and looked wistfully at the pool. It was classic Jimmy Swaggart, "I Have Sinned, Oh Lord."
It made me a little upset on my stomach. Here is the most decorated athlete in history having to apologize for a little wholesome recreation. Are we living in the sixteenth century?
If he was a real champion, a real role model, what Phelps would have done in the Matt Lauer interview was to wear his 13 gold medals and say, 'See, this one Matt?.....Acapulco Gold. And how about this one?.....Panama Red. And you want to feel this one?.....Jamaican Lamb's Bread. Oh, and just before I won this one?.....Amsterdam Blue Dream. Breakfast of Champions, Matt, Breakfast of Champions."
“They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.”---Bill Hicks