Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

cartoon from John Copeland III


You Better Watch Out
for release Christmas 2005

North Pole (AP)-
Sources in The Workshop today confirmed that SANTA (the Strategic All-knowing National Tattletale Agency) has been conducting secret, unwarranted surveillance of boys and girls both domestic and foreign.

Documents leaked to the press by elves within The Workshop indicate that, "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake."

The most troubling part of the document, according to the ACLU, is the passage that states, "He's making a list, he's checking it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice."

A spokesman for SANTA maintains that the agency has a Constitutional right to monitor the phone conversations and emails of both the naughty and the nice, just in case the nice can lead them to the naughty.

The president in his news conference said, "As long as I'm Commander in Chief my first priority will be to protect all the kids in girl and boyland. So, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, it's cuz I'm the President and that gives me the right to do whatever the fuck I want. The Constitution is just a piece of paper."

Yet the president cited his role as Commander in Chief as described in the Constitution as his justification for ignoring the Constitution. He also claimed that the SANTA clause of the Patriot Act gave him statutory authority to tap our phones without court supervision just to see if we are being naughty or nice.

Senators from both sides of the aisle are asking for hearings on the subject. One senator said, "I think the president is exceeding his powers by authorizing unwarranted surveillance and mid-night surreptitious entries. Americans don't want a fat man in a red suit slipping down their chimney in the middle of the night and eating their cookies without a court order."

The Poet's Eye winks and wishes you a very Merry Christmas.

Bonus Cut

Yes Senator Russ Feingold from my home state of Wisconsin has been the most vocal about the covert pervert spying operations that were under taken by Bush.
_________________
Honda Rafaga

twas the nite before christmas
and all thru the house
not a creature was stirring
not even a mouse

the bottles were strewn
along with the carpet with glee
in the hopes that someone
would bring more to me

the children were nestled
somewhere upstairs
or downstairs
not sure, i couldnt hear them but i remember something
about stairs

and the ol lady in her teddie
and i in my barco lounger
had just settled in
for an all nite christmas binge,
er

when out in the street there arose such a noise
that i jumped from my chair to see what the fuck

right to the door i hobbled with a limp
and the ol lady peeked thru the window like a wimp

two chicks with exposed breasts on the new fallen snow
were snorting up coke and cackling like crows
when what to my well focused eyes still did appear
but george w bush with his pal dick and a beer

lines of snot dripping down his nose
white and bright. they both needed a hose
they sat in a golden 75 gremlin hanging out the door
behind them a line of limos, a dozen or more

"now brittney," george mumbled, "now joy,
get back in this car and get out those toys."
dick grinned and rubbed his hair
all i could think of was to get back in my chair

but in a very bad instant that fucker caught my eye
and i knew that one of us would have to die
so i grabbed up my gun
and a few scattered shells

:::text of message deleted by secret service:::

at the end of it all we were sitting by the fire
dick on one side, george in the middle, joy all wired
the ol lady and brittney passed out on the floor
we were all better friends than we had been before

but in the morning when i called my folks
for christmas talk and gossip and jokes
i noticed my phone had been tampered again
and i knew that they were listening in

but what could i do, what could i say?
i was an american after all and to bitch would be gay
so i went on with my life and hoped for the best
maybe tomorrow i could get some more rest.

This column is very charming, clever and warm.

And it gets George right where he deserves it.

Merry Christmas, LR


--Z

(N)

That's HYSTERICAL, Clay!!

May I have permission to paste that article to both of my brothers? Giving correct credit of authorship to the Poet's Eye, of course ....


Let me know -- they GOTTA see this!

cat,

of course you have my complete power of attorney
distribute in any way you see fit. Maybe the editor of Rolling Stone will see it.

Thanks, I just passed it on. There are a few other people I know who will also enjoy it. Good write!

Jello Biafra borrowed that Big Brother Xmas lyric and wrote it into a song which he recorded last year with the suddenly-punked-up sludge-metal band, the Melvins. He called it "McGruff, the Crime Dog".

I should have paid more attention to his hysterical Dead-Kennedys rantings in the eighties...