Funky Aliens

Commentary by Lightning Rod - RIP 2/6/2013
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Lightning Rod
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Funky Aliens

Post by Lightning Rod » May 26th, 2006, 11:44 am

Image
Image
http://www.hipark.austin.isd.tenet.edu/ ... /spock.GIF

Funky Aliens
for release 05-26-06
Washington D.C.


Are there any illegal aliens in the audience tonight? (raise your hand)
Oh, of course you won't admit it. But we all know that they are walking among us.

What do honest politicians and aliens have in common? You hear of them, but you never see one.

So, we hear talk about building a wall to keep them out. We're going to deploy the National Guard.
Don't these idiots know that you can't keep aliens out with a wall? They have little saucers. They use teleportation and time warps and ion drives. Don't you watch Star Trek?

Aliens don't need to learn english, they are telepathic. They don't need green cards. They're green.

Anybody that knows anything about aliens knows that they don't need to steal the identities of American citizens, they just inhabit our bodies. Take Dick Cheney for example. He's obviously an alien. I'm starting to suspect Lou Dobbs.

Oh yes, there are conspiracy theorists that will tell you that the aliens are only here to suck up our social services and ruin our schools and hospitals and that they are smuggling dope and young virgins and busily beaming their paychecks back to Alpha Centauri to finance a continued invasion. This has always been the question about aliens. Are they friendly and seeking to help mankind, or are they soul sucking parasites who want to destroy our planet? Are they little gumby creatures with bulbous heads and kind, watery eyes or are they snarling, snapping, betoothed serpents from hell? It depends on who's telling the story.


Flying saucer pulls into a gas station. It's full of aliens. They cruise up to the pump. "$3.00 a gallon?" says the driver (he has gang tattoos.) "Let's go fill up in Venezuela, it's 11 cents there."


We all know that aliens have super powers. They can slip into our country and vanish into the landscape. They have the uncanny ability to work for a sub-minimum wage and still survive while sending money home to their relatives.

At a time like this, we must ask ourselves: What would Capt. Kirk and Spock have done if the Enterprise was being invaded by aliens, whether they be Tribbles or Klingons or The Borg? Spock would have told Kirk that there were only two logical solutions. You either befriend them or you destroy them.

I think we should turn the alien problem over to private contractors. Oh wait! We've already done that. The contractors are companies that hire aliens. They love aliens. Aliens work like robots for very little pay.

Or we could start a secret government project like Project Blue Book to systematically deny that there are any aliens here at all.

Our Congress, in it's exalted scientific wisdom, has made a stab at a compromise between Spock's alternatives of befriend or destroy. It looks like they are going to try and do both. They are going to spend billions of dollars to companies like Bechtel and Halliburton and Blackwater to develop some fantastic Star Wars border security system with mile-high walls and satellite sensors and force fields that they will advertise as a Virtual Great Wall of China and like the Great Wall, it will not accomplish its purpose. And they are going to establish a sort of indentured servant system called the Guest Alien Program so that the benefits of cheap labor continue to flow.

The Poet's Eye sees that the only way to solve the alien problem is for The Federation to establish a Universal Minimum Wage that applies throughout the galaxies.


I want to tell you 'bout
The Funky Alien
with his wiggy space jive.
He's so very, very
interplanetary
dig the saucer he drives.
--Lrod

listen to The Funky Alien
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » May 26th, 2006, 12:01 pm

Thanks LR
just thanks
you amaze me

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Ann Bingham
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Post by Ann Bingham » May 26th, 2006, 12:30 pm

This is kind of cute. Just thought i'd let you know i read.


love lots
Deb.

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Dave The Dov
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Post by Dave The Dov » May 26th, 2006, 12:37 pm

If aliens are looking down on this planet and seeing what we are getting up to they would say that these inhabitants of Earth are really messed up!!!! So it's best to keep on eye on them!!!! :D
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Post by iblieve » May 26th, 2006, 5:55 pm

I do love your writing and I wish you could influence the law makers of this country, but at the same time I disagree some on this one.
First off lock up and fine the hell out of employers hiring illegal immigrant so they can pay them 1.75 an hour to do 3 times what I could do. Then by all means give them the right to become citizens if they follow legal channels, but I see the old, handicapped and mentally challenged Americans getting fucked by this Government, not just Bush, the Congress and Senate do their share of screwing up. I say Make them Americans, house, cloth, educate and give them health Benefits after you do the same for the American citizens.
Being a big Star Trek fan and loving the Tribbles episode we could do what Kirk did at the end of that episode, didn't he beam them over to the enemy's ship. Hummm maybe we could beam them to Cuba Or Iran.

Just thoughts, and yeah i might disagree but you are still the best political writer on the net.

Love ya my friend
iblieve
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Post by Lightning Rod » May 30th, 2006, 12:57 pm

This is a response to The Poet's Eye that was delivered to me via courier:

The author will remain anonymous.

-------


Sometimes I should not respond. I know better. But I have an itchy spot
that looks at this topic from a stance that has no particular political
real estate to protect...at least I kid myself to think so. And I have
myself convinced that I have no political view on this.
I was 'created' into an illegal alien category in 1960. My mom was
a US citizen, my brother was born in Venezuela, and I by reason
of having moved to Venezuela before my 1st birthday and having lived
all my life there was automatically a citizen on my 8th birthday. Don't
ask me why there was such a law in Venezuela. But I had a Venezuelan
passport.
In 1960 it became illegal in Venezuela for anyone that was not a
citizen,
to earn a living in any way in Venezuela. My mother refused to become a
nationalized citizen of Venezuela so she was fired from the company she
worked for. She knew it was going to happen on the prescribed day that the
1956 law called to be the last date that any foreigner could hold any job in
Venezuela. She just couldn't believe that all the companies would
knuckle under
and that so many foreigners would actually give up their country of
birth citizenships.
The figure was something like 500,000 foreigners lost their jobs that
month in
Venezuela. And these were people that had worked legally there for from 1 to
40 years. Fuck, they built Venezuela, they had to because the Venezuelan
government had killed 95 % of the indigenous citizens.
Well, guess what, when you are 10 years old and your custodial parent
becomes totally unemployable, then you the 10 year old basically become an
illegal resident because you can't live there if your parent can't work
to support
you. Four months later we were in a true alien landscape, Garland, Texas.
My own fucking country fucked me out of living in my very fucking own
country.
Despising governments came early for me.
Fast forward 2006. I have many employees that walked the desert
for 3 days
to get out of their truly futureless story. Of the 6 longest employed
(ten to fifteen years)
3 are citizens now with US born citizen children, 5 own their
houses (well the banks actually own the houses still) and all earn more
than
30,000 a year and the sixth is an openly and very happy gay man with a
residency
card. Of those employees with less than 10 years that walked or ran
across to get
here, several have wrangled residencies but we have helped ALL of our
employees
that have asked us, to buy houses. Out of 32 employees 18 are from
central america. All
but 4 own their cribs and a couple own 2 houses now. All of them were
(or still are) illegal at
one time or another.
I know you expect some intelligent resolution to my banter. Here
it is. The solution
to the non existent problems that most sensitive new age hand wringing
self righteous
wiser than thou white people have invented to make themselves the innocent
bystanders to this situation is that the immigrants will make this
work somehow and
if not them, their children will. The chinks did, the wops did, the
stinking irish too, the
gooks came over and did it, tell the namby pamby middle class to shut up
and get out of the way of these wetbacks so that these people can get on
with it.
I can't stand right wing or left wing cry baby americans. They should
all go get
a second and third jobs if they want to stop people coming over to get
the work.

Now to address your suggestion.....you go ask any of your illegal
alien friends,
that is, Terrestrial illegal aliens, that if there was a universal
minimum wage, would
they still come across the border. The answer is "Fuck yes. I'd save my
money and
get to the US as fast as possible" Who wants to live in a country that
has devalued
its currency on a consistent and never-ending trend line. Who wants to
live in a country
where you have to bribe someone to get a driver's license application,
or the birth
certificate of your recently born child (called an ACTA). Who wants to
live in the country
that is number 8 in the world for oil revenues and doesn't have state
backed public
school system to educate students past the 6th grade.....Jesus fuck,
even Cuba,
with no oil educates all of its children to the equivalent of the 12th
grade and university
is competitive but free. If you were a Mexican in Mexico earning the
universal
minimum wage and your children were sentenced to be sixth grade drop
outs....
you wouldn't bring them over here?
Anyway the answer "Chu bet chor foookin azz bollio, I got fife
galongs o
de wata her mang, I gonna roon accross righ now mang."
By the way my oldest wet back ancestors had the country they
stole from
the indians stolen from them by the new nasty stinking illegal
immigrants, the englishmen.
It was called New Amsterdam. You know, where there used to be the World
Trade
Towers. The next batch of my wet backs were clod busting ignorant
blockhead germans,
then came my stinking wet back lazy lying thieving alcoholic irish
branch. I'm surprised
that the feds don't make a law against me too.
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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Dave The Dov
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Post by Dave The Dov » May 30th, 2006, 1:25 pm

Interesting how this one came to you. The person that wrote really hit the nail on the head.
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Post by iblieve » May 30th, 2006, 1:45 pm

I can respect a man that speaks his mind even if his hostility and name calling offends me. Seems he forgot the principle that America was built on, that we have free speech here. I guess he still gets confused with Venezuela law. Like I said I can respect a man that speaks his mind and his willing to do it openly. Oh wait, this was written by anonymous, hummm. There went the fucking respect. Speak your mind, but be man enough and convicted enough to not hide while doing it!!!!!!!!

While your mother was overseas working to build another country's economy my family was working as laborers in the logging industry and sweat shops down south. My mother had to leave school when her daddy died to work around the house and farm so her younger sister and 3 or 4 other children my grandmother took in didn't fucking starve. Without an education she worked in hotels and factories to raise me. My uncles left school because they had to go to work at the age of 15 and 13 in the woods cutting down trees for 75 cents an hour to help feed the family. They all paid taxes and their siocial security taxes and guess what my mom and my uncles died before age 62 and never collected any of the benefits. A lot of people have worked to build this country up and I think the attitude of coming in here and thinking because you've worked for a few years you can just discredit the American people that have been here working hard for generations is ridiculous. Makes me want to beam all illegal aliens to Iraq.

iblieve
Charles W. Barnett
iblieve@peoplepc.com
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mnaz
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Post by mnaz » June 1st, 2006, 3:18 am

God- damn, how I hate these borders. God-damn how I hate the straggling medieval corruption...

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Post by jimboloco » June 1st, 2006, 3:26 pm

funky alien,
wiggy space jive
interplanetary
bell bottom legs and feet
natural dreadlock tentacled down to his back beat
web feet
i believe yer story
they got me too
an it is a groove
roaming from hermosillo to
tuscon
yeah!
groovy tune
thanks amigo
i gotta go storm a brewin
wade in th water
go down slowly
space man.
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

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Post by jimboloco » June 28th, 2006, 8:22 am

tell the namby pamby middle class to shut up
and get out of the way of these wetbacks so that these people can get on
with it.
let us corrupted by a calloussness that divides working peoples from one another, th aliens have landed and it is good.
an venezuela is changing now, amigos,
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

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Re: Funky Aliens

Post by stilltrucking » January 23rd, 2013, 3:57 pm

an venezuela is changing now, amigos,
I wish Amerika the uncanny was changing too.

This was a timely column clay, now more than ever.

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