Image from here - http://www.kokedit.com/art/VampireBush.jpg
Side Effects
for release 05-31-06
Washington D.C.
I love side effects. No dope worth its salt has fewer that three good side effects.
When Albert Hoffman invented LSD, he was looking for a treatment for migraine headaches. The marvelous mind-expanding properties of the drug were side effects. When Pfizer began research on the compound known as Sildenafil, they were trying to develop a drug to treat hypertension and angina. The marvelous penis-expanding property of the drug was a side effect. But as any junky knows, " When you can't find a mainline, the sideline gonna have to do." Now Sildenafil is called Viagra. Invent a new brand name and voila the side effect becomes the primary effect and Pfizer makes billions per year.
I can do without side effects like nausea and liver damage and constipation or runny nose or the ones they euphemistically refer to on the TV dope ads as "rare but dangerous." I like side effects like It Makes You Feel Like God or gives you the ability to work 37 New York Times crossword puzzles in an hour or Delusions of Grandeur or Feelings of Infinite Peace. The four hour erection side effect is tantalizing but Repeated and Multiple Orgasms would be better.
In our modern dope culture, we can tolerate side effects like diarrhea and drowsiness or loss of hair or appetite. The side effect that we can't handle, that will doom any drug to exile, is euphoria. We want to avoid that at all costs.
I'm imagining a commercial for cocaine on the evening news. They would probably call it something like Kokanex and sell it as an antihistamine or an anti-depressant or a headache remedy or a topical pain killer. Then the understated announcer will say something like, "Side effects may include sleeplessness, tooth grinding, tachycardia, paranoia, talking to people that aren't there, disco dancing till dawn and the desire to rape white women. If you have liver problems or a pre-existing tendency to max out your credit cards, Kokanex may not be right for you. If you find yourself peeping through the venetian blinds for more than four hours in a row, consult a psychiatrist."
When we introduce a foreign substance into any system, the whole system changes. We can't really separate intended effects from side effects.
In warfare, side effects are called collateral damage. In politics they are called backlash. What I am saying here is that substances can have unintended results, but also actions and attitudes can have side effects.
When Bushco decided to invade Iraq, it was to achieve a noble effect (in their minds at least). to rid the world of an evil tyrant. The giddy drugs of invasion and conquest and occupation cured the acute condition, Saddam is gone, yes. But like the myth of the hydra, when you cut one head off, seven grow in its place. The side effects of toppling Saddam have been a social, an economic and a political disaster. The invasion has bred discontent with America throughout the Muslim world as well as a rallying point and a training ground for terrorists. As Rep. John Murtha and Sen. Chuck Hagel and others point out, conditions in Iraq are worse today than they were before the 'liberation.' We have treated an acute condition and created a chronic one, just as morphine successfully treats the acute condition of pain while creating the chronic condition of addiction.
We are discovering in the Middle East that sometimes the remedy can be worse than the affliction.
The Poet's Eye sees that there can be happy and unhappy side effects. A recent study shows that marijuana, in addition to its well known positive effects, has the side effect of lowering lung cancer. Now that's my kind of side effect. The boys at Bushco should smoke more pot. It might have the side effect of giving them a clue.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Don't bogart that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me.
Roll another one
Just like the other one.
This one's burnt to the end
Come on and be a friend.
--Country Joe and the Fish
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