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Sex and the Single Girl
for release 01-19-07
Washington DC
The recent New York Times survey showing that more than half of American women (51%) are now living in a state of singleness without benefit of wedlock, verifies a theory that I have long held--that women are infinitely superior to men in every way. They don't need us. At least no more than they would need a pet or a houseplant--for amusement.
The modern male has become a totally superfluous species. There are enough sperm from Nobel Prize winners stored in nitrogen tanks to last for centuries. Sperm banks have robbed the male of his only flimsy claim to power, the seed. Face it dudes, they don't need us anymore.
Of course we still need them. They own the portal of birth. They control the milk. Without them, we wouldn't be around to exhibit or fulfill our potential for uselessness. We would have to get our own beer from the refrigerator.
Make no mistake gentlemen, we are pets. We can be trained to do simple tricks like getting a job and mowing the grass, fetching the paper or mail, catching the occasional cricket in the bathtub, signing checks, you know, that kind of stuff. But all males are essentially non-essential.
Does the thought of a future warrior race of career girl amazons make you a little queasy? Are Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives going to become the new social paradigm? Will The View claim as much authority as the Supreme Court? Will the anchor-babes on CNN gain more credibility than Walter Cronkite? It's enough to make you go limp.
Before they harass us into extinction, they will probably make prostitutes out of us. I'm hoping so. There's nothing like a steady paycheck. Have you ever wondered why prostitutes are almost always women (or young boys)? It's because of supply and demand. Men just want it more than women. Urban myth has it that men think of sex on average once every twenty minutes. (My personal research puts it closer to every twenty seconds) And women think of it on average every twenty-eight days or whenever the payment on their Porche is due.
But it looks like the situation could be shifting. With 51 percent of women living single, maybe we'll soon see hunks in storefront windows in Red Light Amsterdam. Websites will spring up selling an evening with Fabio. My friends, there may be careers opening up for you in the service industry. A good stud horse can service up to six mares a day and with modern performance enhancing drugs, there is no telling how many customers could be served in the course of a four hour erection.
The only honest way to get sex is to buy it. That way it's a straightforward transaction, no hidden costs. That should appeal to the new, independent, practical minded woman who is living alone.
I hear someone say, "Lightning Rod, you usually write about politics, why are you writing about sex?"
I say, "There is nothing as political as sex. After all, isn't politics the science of who fucks whom and who gets paid for it?"
The Poet's Eye sees a whole new vista of economic activity. A Free Trade Agreement between the sexes. Do you hear that giant sucking noise?
Just a gigolo
everywhere I go
people know the part
I'm playing
Paid for every dance
selling each romance
every night some heart
betraying
There will come a day
youth will pass away
then what will they say
about me
When the end comes I know
they'll say just a gigolo
as life goes on
without me
--David Lee Roth
We all should be so lucky! lol
