Cecil: "I don't know... I feel like I should. I mean, you know I enjoy the challenge of streaming..." (not really answering frankly)
SooZen: "Do you have a subject in mind?"
Cecil: "No, not really..." (I trail off... often)
SooZen: "You should write about procrastination."
Cecil: "Procrastion, huh? Do you think that applies to me?" (I knew it did... I was just testing the waters... I'm a testy guy in that regard)
SooZen: "Hah! What do you think?"
Cecil (to himself): "Yeah, right... Hmmm..."
Cecil (to SooZen): "That might be a bit too realistic... too honest to deal with, you know?"
SooZen: "Maybe you should be too realistic...." (voice trailing off as she went to get her second cuppa Joe)
Cecil (to himself): "Hmmm... that could be an interesting challenge for me..."
Now on my third cup with the carafe all but empty, I sit here typing away and haven't said anything pertinent - not to anyone including myself... maybe I should have another cigarette..? Nah! Not ready for that yet.
SooZen just turned on the tube... we usually enjoy watching "Sunday Morning" on CBS. They have a good show nonrmally altho I wonder if that will divert me from my stream right now...
The show that preceeds "Sunday Morning" is some character named Kenneth Copeland - an incredibly sour looking man that passes himself off as a preacher. I was unfortunate enough to even hear this inflated ego sing one time... I had to mute the t.v.... it was horrendous. Strange to me that somebody like that gets air time, especially on a major network. Not only that but he always seems to have a full house, possibly because the show is being aired nationwide. Do they recruit people to come see him... full house all in agreement and sometimes awe with his profundity? It puzzles me.
I have gotten a kick... well, more like a good slow chuckle anyway, from hearing some preachers (and that is a good word, 'preacher' for that is about all they do - preach... not help or advise, not even give any insight of any relevance, but 'preach' the word - the holy word of God!!). Goddam! But they hold the ever-faithful in the palm of their hands... showmen at best, snake oil salesmen at their finest. I have to admire the balls on these folks. Their obvious charisma to find a passage or two in the bible and rant away on it as if those words were written by them and they will interpret what it means - inspired by god himself... and sometimes even 'being' god himself!
Procrastination - something I've honed to an art. Most people, in their advanced case of energydisposal, view procrastination as a disease... something that should be conquered... cast to the darkest regions of Symbollie, where the good sun never shines. I prefer to take a different perspective of it - tuning in to the vibe of what should be done now or later... It can be done.. tuning in to that possiblity, that is... Is this the right time to do that thing? Many a time I find that 'doing that' at that time is not the right time for doing that thing. Only I know that while others think differently. It can cause some friction - staying my course or switching to another's course... just to keep the peace.
When the time is right, bip! the energy is there, the path is clear, the necessity speaks out and the task is done. Ahh... it becomes so right, so... so... complete and finished, just by listening to Jiminy Cricket. No, this is not a Disney World that I live in, but a world of trust (well, most of time anyway!).. a trust in Self to report on its needs, and a trust in ego to listen to those needs. Call the process 'intuition'... a rare response to most folks, especially men.
Generally speaking, (note I used the word 'generally'), we men do not give much credence to intuition. That is a strange and foreign path that must be kept under suspicion. What if intuition leads us to our doom? Or even to our own foolishness? Gads! (am I the only one that uses the word 'gads' anymore?) Anything but foolishness... that is way too ego-damaging, and there is little worse to men than having our egos damaged. It could take months, even years (and maybe even lifetimes) to mend the wound of a damaged ego. We can't simply laugh off something as crushing as that. That is one reason we men do not survive as long as women - we maintain a level of seriousness about ourselves that we refuse to ease up on. We men must maintain a sense of professionalism for that is what we require to sustain ourselves and our families... be a pro! Amateurs are just that - amateurs! Nothing worse than being seen as an amateur! Gads! (twice in one paragraph... is that 'amateur' writing?)
Even though Mr. Dictionary (or is is Ms.? No.. Noah Webster was a man so that would probably put dictionary in the male category. Maybe if I were to translate 'dictionary' into Spanish - they always put objects into either male or female genders... but I just don't have time right now... I am so busy riding this stream that I'm even holding my bladder tightly to avoid taking a break to urinate. Damn three cups of coffee! (fondle, fondle... occasional tweaking of my penis to hopefully curb the necessity of peeing...)
SooZen: "Is the upstairs door locked?"
Cecil (to himself): "Hey! She's is interrupting my stream! I'm on such a roll... Ahh.. this self import, eh? LOL."
Cecil: "I don't remember... it should be unlocked..." (trailing off... "I need to pee.")
______
"Knock knock...! Hey you!! knock knock! Hey, Cecil!! You.. out there..."
Cecil: "Me? You callin' me? Whazzup?" (I know who that is... intuition - it goes by many names but intuition seems to be the name that is rattling inside mind today...)
"Yeah... this is Memory calling. 'Amateur' - I heard you use the word in a negative context... but remember that its root word is 'amat', love... a love of doing.... an amateur loves what they are doing"
Cecil: "Yeah! That's right.... I tend to forget that sometimes... you know how we pro's are...? Hah!" (I laugh at myself... again)
_______
Soozen returns... she closed the doors. The weather must have dropped over ten degrees... a real chill in the air... a front is moving in.... clouds swept in overhead... dark rainclouds... a storm is a brewin'... and here I sit in my shorts... I will procratinate in putting on some long pants.. I know myself... I'm a man! I will endure the chill embracing my naked legs... I can take it. I'm cool! (or is that 'corny'? can one be corny-cool?)
Yesterday I was thinking about time versus age. I came up with an addendum to the old saying "Time flies"... "Age soars" - yep, "Time flies - Age soars". But upon contemplating that I came to the conclusion that it was backwards - it should read: "Age flies, Time soars" to be more accurate. I will add that to my list of 'cecilisms'... unless somebody already documented that bit of wise-dumb. Soaring time will tell the tale... way beyond our own wants and needs, while our age flies by.
One cannot help but be aware of age... especially the older we get. We change... our skins shed and new ones replace them... in astrology the planetary motions switch influences, people approach you differently - sometime for the good, other times there is a sense of self-disappointment. "Yes sir!" That word 'sir' is not something I use lightly, even though I should... a word that I recall from historical usages.. 'Sir' was used for the 'upper crust', princes and such... an English thing. But people are really using the word 'sir' because it is respectful, and I guess that is good. Respect is something we all find appealing, unless of course, we don't think very much of ourselves.... but that's another subject for another time (soaring away..)
Procrastination - something I've successfully done, again. I've avoided speaking of my own procrastination... as easily swayed as a freshly fallen bird's feather in a gentle breeze... free falling without fear of coming to harm... gently, gently.. I go with intuition, learning to trust Jiminy...
(Pssst.... it's time to quit this ramble... Trust me.)
Cecil: "I hear you. You're right. I've accomplished very little here... but hey! I did write but did I do right? Hah! It's all good... gently, gently.. I free fall, but never from grace. That is where intuition dwells... in grace - the State of All Right.
Go gently
Go intuitively
Go easily
Cecil
24 April 2005
Full Moon in Scorpio
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symbiotic flow
creating it own stillness
within a given space
acylic on 5x7" canvas
