the road to madness
shhh... still the mind. too much activity... swarms of thoughts... swirls of ideas. it's more than necessary. finding the calm. are you there? give me a sign. i need a sign. point me to your placidity. the temptation to go astray is maddening, here in this place of rapidity where things are coming and going at light speed. a darkened sky of comet-filled voices spewing words that trample each other as if to survive... survive the idea, survive the temptation to become more than simply a word, a passing idea, a moment of preposterous notions that quite simply are not necessary. undoable. why waste the energy to make that which is useless?in times such as these there is the voiceless voice that whispers promises of escape... an escape from the cacophony of utter uselessness. yes, it all seems so.. so, unnecessary right now. how to make it.. them.. all the extraneous noise go away..? calm. calm. peace. ah... so necessary. right now.
but it's there. i smell the bliss. i sense the tranquility. i've had it before. but the path! it's not here. temporarily misplaced i must empty this hurried mind and relocate to that place where all is without the drone of busy bees screaming need in my head.
i take deep breaths... drawing the surrounding air of now down deep into the lungs. i hold it momentarily. exhaling thru the mouth i repeat the inhalations - once, twice, three times. it's not enough. my lungs grasp for more. i feel my heart beating. bip, bip, bip.. a rapid sequence.. much too quick for it's own good. more air. deeper inhalations. i feel closer to the place called now. much closer. my heart is slowing down from the thumping.
i have less concern with all those ideas, those siren-like dreams attempting to seduce me with false promises. so many things unachievable. fuck the desire. it's not the time. it is not the time.
now is the time. no desire. alone with self. no ego intrusions. i have banished you, you bastards. cast into the post-ethers, i surrender to rejuvenation of being. forget all that before. don't look for any future. it's all now.. now.
heart returning to regular beats... concert of peace. no strings attached. ideas gone. i am not now. i am part of now.. all of self part of now. dimensional solitude of multiplicity.
how many of us, we humans, follow those dreams that come into our lives dressed so seductively in promises... promises that we know, if we know, ourselves, as lures to the despair of desire. those that follow those dreams must do so with a calloused heart, a stern, shortsighted vision that blinds full being, a madness that threatens peace and a cruelty that demands fulfillment of the promise at any cost simply to prove that all things can be done.
but what of the consequences to life? that is the flag that should be seen. whose power is so powerful that all other power should be subservient to their own? therein in lies the madness... the madness of power that threatens all else. dreams that somehow demand upon the dreamer that the ego-madness is deserving of all that they desire. and just to have. even temporally. to have but a brief life-span of so many years. while others must do without so they may have more and more. the obesity of desire is never complete. constantly feeding at the troughs of want that never satiate the desire. not knowing the true self. ignorant of self, denial of self.
and yet these self-made pigs control the physical world, blind to the spiritual world where all are equal. indeed so fearful of that equality that they shudder and shake at the idea of all they have gained may have to be shared. nonsensical. madness drives the world. driving so fast and recklessly, as if time were limited, and the passengers intruders. but the passengers are strapped into their seats filled with fear of falling off the world.
it's not a matter of win or lose. it's a matter of being, knowing one's Self. not the false promise of ego-living... there is not enough for all to live that way. but becoming what you are beneath all the masks we see on ourselves and others daily. competing for this, competing for that, wanting this and that, choking ourselves in the illusion of desire that Hinduism calls Maya. like the siren that draws us closer to the rocks of our destruction the path is not short nor is it long... the path is simply being. there is no other path. none to follow, no path to lead others... each path is our own, like snowflakes - each reaches its own destiny on its own - some on the leaf of a tree or a flowering plant, others to the rushing waters, while other flakes fall into the embrace of the ground. one flake at a time. each of its own accord. no one snowflake more powerful than another.
we cannot be what we are not unless we deny our Self - confusing ourselves in the outer delusions made by the lies of promises that we can become more than we are within. this confusion leads to madness.
cecilio [at peace]
05 augusto 2007]
