Embrace Being Before It Isn't
Time has caught up... no longer years and years behind, time has gathered it's creepy momentum and reached me. dammit. i didn't want to be caught. never. I wanted everything all the time with nothing to spare. But honesty slapped me and kicked me in the gut. I cried. I wept. I never knew. Despite having every thing and never seeing an end to t.h.i.s. i persisted and persisted. But I lost. Rather I surrendered. The pace was my curse.
I move slow. I have to. speed sickens me... quickens me to chaos and the goddamn no good. There is very little reasoning for that other than the Popeye theory - i yam what i yam... that's all that i yam. Not that I'm a Popeye. Never have been a Popeye, but I have embraced being. It was a surreal embrace. Being is so delicate and so unrehearsed. I even today get this slight, deep inner shudder when I think of that first (and only) embrace. It was enough to last a lifetime and beyond. Embrace being. For life. Surrounding myself with what we, yes... that's not a typo - WE are. It's all so common but so original that the beauty of it all is sometimes so overwhelming that tears run from the corners of my eyes washing away the veils of bullshit that seem to accumulate as all dust does. It's part of all the beauty that makes it so. And those tears? Nothing like it. They are never invited... never asked to come flow from my eyes. They come on their own like party crashers that you know you're glad to see but are so surprised to find knocking at the front door with a bouquet and a bottle, a smile and a promise of a night with truth. Nothing like it.
I can't write it. Only scribble what it does to me. Grab a word here and grab a word there... put them one after the other in some sequence that I never quite understand but I know... I really do... I know it's all I can do to promise life that I love you. Despite all the troubles and all the problems that it, you - life, deal out, I still love you. And should this love not last but another breath, It's the lifetime of memories that you have given me that makes it all worth it... those memories of tears, of fears, of laughs and joys, the bliss and the kiss that have taken me away from that to this.
I know you well enough, Life, to understand a little bit about you. You're a miracle that never asks for anything but simply give and give and give... this total and complete abundance of energy that has no ending. An eternal fountain that gives of itself and never complains or argues, never doubts but always assures you will never refuse. How can anyone not appreciate that?
I've said enough.
I've said too much.
...way too much,
...until later.
_____^_____
Cecil B. Lee
01 Feb 2009
