Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

Dear Biotch,

I think my problem stems from a clash in cultures. I am a highly educated lounge singer, having attended some of the best schools for lounge singing in the country. My tastes are highly refined. For instance I would generally prefer to sing Satin Doll to Who Let the Dogs Out.

Even though I am an Ivy League lounge singer, I have picked up certain pedestrian tastes in the process of rubbing shoulders with the common folk who frequent lounges. One of these affectations is that I purchased an automobile which in the vernacular is termed a 'low rider.' It is a wonderful vehicle and more dashingly subversive than an SUV.

My problem is that my high class (you know, debutante type) girlfriends refuse to ride with me in this precision machine. For the life of me I can't understand why. After all, the hydraulic lift shock absorbers can take all the work out of sex even when parked.

Help me out here, Biotch. How do I get them in that back seat?

Les. S. Amore

Dear Biotch,

Can you bail me outta jail?

No, like, furreal ... help.



Signed,

2 Q't 2 Bee Behynd Barz

aight yo
Les, yo
chick talkin bout singing her sheit in some lounge
aint nobody want to listen to nobody while dey lounging
dey want to just set dare and be chillin wit dey peeps
youze iz in da wrong bidness
check diz out
yo gots edukation- but i knowtice yo aint as advanced like me
i suggests yo get yo azz out on yo stank car and get back to da community college round yo way and get yoself sumtin decent
yo friendz are full of sheit
dey dont like yo car
kick dem out of life and make friendz wit peeps who are into yo sheit
aint nobody told yo nutin about friendz?
dey suppossed to back you up in all yo stupid sheit cause you know yo familee aint gonna support you when you call yo baby daddy from canada on yo mama's credit card when you stole it an you aint know you gotta have a pazzport to get in and youze mad confuzed about what underwear you iz going to put on becuz you only have your holey one with da baby jesus on dem
hell nah
shooot

------------
Hey Behynd Barz
you Big Mono?
I dun told you
I gots a restrainin order an I knows how to uze it
dont be messin wit my new job, first legitimate job i dun had all my life'
shooot
messin wit my stuff when i gotz my life strate and sheit
i dun told you dat i aint kissin no woman who got cheddar between her toes fo yo entertanement
ima get my lawer

Dear Biotch,

I'm as attached to my career as I am to my Jesus briefs (not boxers)
I take it from your advice that you think I should drop my debutants
very well then
I can see you are a woman of real character
could I interest you in a tour in my low rider?
I'll sing Stormy Monday.

you is da man yo!
you be like dem peoplez who pryoritize
look, i dont know what Deb, U. and Tante want from me, i dun told them all purchazes are nonrefundable and dem things were made to look like dey got sheit on em
latest style yo

i be up in yo lowrider grill if you hook diz biotch wit some Colt 45
i be an uppa class chick yo

-Mz. I. Knowmysheit