I will keep making the same mistake

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 9th, 2010, 7:51 am

When I read Richard Brautigan's story in So the Wind Won't Blow It All Away (just as ex.) about the mother who lived in the small yellow house, afraid of the gas stove, of gas leaks, and being poisoned by it in her sleep. They lived on that fear, it robbed them of living, etc.

Reading shows me a way to laugh at it, internalize, then if I want to make the changes I do, that was one I thought I should change up a few years ago and I'm living more now.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » June 9th, 2010, 9:54 am

Can't remember the song Patti Smith asked "where is your body"
I can't be your huggy bear
But I wish I could
Never knew women dame, never understood the difference
slowly it dawns on me what I missed
My life does not have to mean anything
I am glad you have Brautigan.
If I can be a comfort for you that is good for me
I am just happy we have "something to talk about."
I am such a lyrics freak, a word freak
Now I hear Bonnie Raitt.

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 9th, 2010, 10:00 pm

Hospital Dreams

Maybe you had a cure when you drove through, Jack.
Did they give you anything to think about more, even if said sarcastically.

Dream chasers

Also looked up fear, and found this interpretation interesting, because I do feel like I'm gaining on what I'd feared in a lot of things. I've been facing them.
Mystical Meaning: The superstitions come close to modern psychology with this one: If you overcome whatever frightens you in your dreams, you will also overcome the things that frighten you in waking life.
Looked up the one on being lost, too.

I did notice one difference in the feeling of that dream, I told him his wife would kick his azz. lol

o.k. I don't know what I'm telling you anymore,
I just have this odd thing about neighbors, always have. Even as a child watching that peeping tom in the neighborhood.

Had great dreams, too. Dreamt again about getting strong muscles, and I wonder if that means my body is recovering or recuperating in the night.

Most of my nightmares are the kind that I'm dreaming within a dream, and can't wake up, or I can't punch someone, or yell at them, or run...etc. So I think the theme is a loss of control.
Maybees, I am just a puppet.
I want to be in charge, or learn to be.
I'm learning.


I do get hugged a lot :P
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 9th, 2010, 11:07 pm

So, tonight I'm gonna fall asleep thinking of sweet nurses and sexy doctors. Gonna S/say a prayer and Sleep well, and talk with you tomorrow.

What was that nurses' name you liked the look of her? She had her name on her tag, Jen or Sue or Sally...a name like that.

She pressed her chest against you, when taking your blood pressure, then you got a hot reaction, you had to hide from her for six seconds. I think you said that you said to her,
"My last male pmsing was two weeks ago Friday..." which put her off momentarily, until she blushed and laughed a little.

Long enough though, and it was buying time, buying off six seconds and keeping a lady happily giggling.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » June 12th, 2010, 2:05 am

I want to interpret my own dreams, I am stubborn that way.
Yes the kind nurse, her name was Marla and she told me she adored me. I hurt her dame. I never showed up for our date. After all these years I am still trying to figure out why. Fear of intimacy?
Trying to get Narcissus to wash the sleep from his eyes instead of admiring his reflection.
Can't help wondering how I have managed to live this long
Getting Echo-istic in my golden years.
Me to mousey on her artblog

I hugged Diamond Lil the other day. She is so frail but still a force of nature.

Going back to bed.
and listen to my audio tape of The Big Sleep.
it relaxes me to sleep, I think I have listened to it a hundred times.
"It was about eleven o'clock in the morning, mid October, with the sun not shining and a look of hard wet rain in the clearness of the foothills. I was wearing my powder-blue suit, with dark blue shirt, tie and display handkerchief, black brogues, black wool socks with dark little clocks on them. I was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and I didn't care who knew it. I was everything the well-dressed private detective ought to be. I was calling on four million dollars."

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 12th, 2010, 9:19 pm

There you are,
I'm glad you're there
suit and smelling like shaving cream.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 24th, 2010, 12:16 am

I thought she was beautiful in this.

Nine
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » June 24th, 2010, 6:11 am

Beautiful

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 25th, 2010, 10:16 am

She might look like the lady in tired wait by the window, bent back, hands pressing the middle and somewhere between love and forgotten. I love that. Just like the painting.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » July 5th, 2010, 4:40 pm

Same old mistakes
I can't learn except by experience
Or else I won't learn any othe way.

I bought a new used car.
I have a name for it
the white elephant.

I can't go anywhere in it yet
but sometimes I go out and sit in it and open the sunroof and groove on it.

I been thinking about writing a book about the art of buying a used car.
Rule one, best not to buy one on a dark and stormy night when you are stoned.

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » July 5th, 2010, 7:38 pm

Rule number two
don't invite more than one lady friend to sit in it with you, under the stars, in the same night.
2 1/2 don't go home smelling just like her.

Jack, I'll read it when you're done writing it.
Just let me know.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » July 5th, 2010, 11:54 pm

Saw this and thought you might like it too,
made me smile.
Validation
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Location: Oz or somepLace like Kansas

Post by stilltrucking » July 11th, 2010, 5:48 am

I did enjoy the video, thanks.

My grand niece will be born in two months. Tying to hang on to see her grow up.

Thinking about my mistakes again. I met a woman in California back in the seventies, she told me she had five abortions. Or maybe it was six.
The same mistake over and over. Or maybe she liked the pain and suffering. Six abortions she had while still in her twenties. Why I wondered. Who can understand a woman except another. I wish I could have validated her. But I was too far gone. I was so much older then.

Reading about a abortion on mainstream TV ran across this

In the most bizarre instance of revisionism on the issue, four years ago “All My Children” reversed Erica Kane’s 1973 abortion, a milestone in television history when it occurred 11 months after the passage of Roe v. Wade. A character named Josh Madden learned that although Erica had initially conceived him, he had been kidnapped as an embryo and transferred to the womb of another woman by the obviously deranged doctor who had raised him. Fans were outraged, on one level because the story line was ludicrous, even by the measure of daytime television, and on another because the twist had gone a long way toward eradicating the show’s progressive politics, and, in some sense, an entire era.

A year before Erica decided to abort her fetus to pursue her career, Bea Arthur’s Westchester firecracker Maude Findlay famously decided on “Maude” to terminate a pregnancy during her fourth marriage. With the support of her husband, she realizes that, at 47, she is too old for night feedings. And while that might have supplied reasonable enough cause in 1972, it is easy to imagine an altogether different scenario unfolding today as legions of women endure hormone injections and huge expense to conceive a child in middle age. It is not merely the rise of evangelical Christianity that accounts for TV’s altered mood, but the dramatic realignment of women’s priorities since the most active days of the feminist movement.

What was striking about the exploration of Becky’s circumstance on “Friday Night Lights” was the extent to which the opposing view was depicted as obtuse and out of touch. Two years ago an anonymous young woman ultimately received an abortion on “Private Practice” but not before an hour of television had passed which felt less like drama and more like journalism — sound, balanced and fair — with all relevant moral positions respectfully represented.

The writers of “Friday Night Lights” had something altogether different in mind. Becky’s pregnancy had been the result of a one-time sexual encounter with Luke Cafferty, a well-intentioned football star and the son of struggling, religious cattle ranchers who have not always held his best interests at heart. When Luke’s mother learns what has happened, her response is to say that Mary and Joseph thought they were in a tough spot too, at first. Luke bluntly corrects her: “Becky and me are not Mary and Joseph.”

“Friday Night Lights” chose to maintain its commitment, above all, to the world it renders — and to its quasi-Marxist understanding that economics dictate everything. Dillon is a difficult place where improperly-cared-for children materialize one after another, week after week. In a subplot to Friday’s episode, Vince, another gridiron prodigy, is forced to scramble around for money to pay for his mother’s rehabilitation in the aftermath of a drug overdose, which leaves him begging her to stop and pay attention to him. Again and again, “Friday Night Lights” seems to remind us, as if in klieg lights, of the consequences of parenthood pursued by accident or default

Television
Abortion in the Eyes of a Girl From Dillon
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/10/arts/ ... ights.html

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » July 11th, 2010, 9:45 am

There's a picture of Frida with Deigo on her forehead.
Might be the thing I return to, when really I should just sit back and allow life do what it does in every other goings on.
Same mistakes, my worries
and I've made myself these migraines and ills.
The rest of my life seems peaceful, cause I don't grip it, maybe.
I'm still finding out my faults, my little flaws, but there's nothing wrong to have them, we're not to be without a few 'stains'.

Oh! Jack, my dreams last night, I finally went to sleep easy and woke up at some odd hour feeling all was o.k. and he visited. Like a circle, top to bottom (in other-words, I kept going around).

Also dreamt about a very clean house (the one I grew up in as a child), and it looked liked the counters sparkled so much so, that had I not known them all my life, I would of thought it was only just unwrapped and put there moments before.

I know you weren't anywhere, but I'm still relieved you're back,
you're alive, you're writing, those sorts of sorts.

September is a good month to be living in.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » July 11th, 2010, 11:38 pm

I just laid down to go to sleep, and finally recollected last night's dream with my fiend visiting, A.K.A. the catfish.

Him and I were at a pissing contest between just him and I. It was dark out, and he faced a wall with his backside visible, yes and his ass, then I was side by side but facing forward, I was obviously low to the ground, with not as much showing. And he and I were conversing during our pissing, he said, "This one I'm going to win! Race ya!"

I remember his laughter at how funny it all was and at how he thought men were better at pissing.
He has the best laugh.

So then I now remember where this might have stemmed from, in Ulysses Bloom and Stephen have some sort of pissing contest.

But, to compare my dream to James Joyce's obvious genius writing, I still think my dream is better than his two men. I mean, my dream, his laugh, his moonlit ASS, it was good stuff. I'm glad I remembered.

James Joyce surely had his moments of fantastic. But, I might be just a silly girl, I'm silly and thinking still he's not as good as you and I! I'm not gonna delete that either. I read the book and wasn't entertained a lot the time, just here and there. Though, it's genius, it really is. Oh man! you were funny catfish, talking bout how guys always piss faster and I don't know, was dreaming it.

Then I knew he was o.k. finally. I slept good, I might tonight, too.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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