I will keep making the same mistake

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » May 23rd, 2010, 2:34 pm

Yes to desire to change anything is to wish to never have been born. Said Nietzsche.

My sister in her teen age despair wished she had never been born.
It is fortunate she had a son not a daughter.
Sons get off so easy.


I guess I was thinking of what her daughter might like to change.
Like I said women are a strange race to me.
My dearest enemies

Anger my muse today for some reason.
Nothing to do with you
except for your being a woman too.

"Playboy Mommy"

In my platforms
I hit the floor
Fell face down
Didn't help my brain out
Then the baby came
Before I found
The magic how
To keep her happy
I never was the fantasy
Of what you want
Wanted me to be
Don't judge me so harsh little girl
So
You got a playboy mommy
But when you tell em my name
And you want to cross that
Bridge all on your own
Little girl they'll do you no harm
Cause they know
Your playboy mommy
But when you tell em my name
From here to Birminghman I got a few friends
I never was there
Was there when it counts
I get my way
You're so like me
You seemed ashamed
Ashamed that I was
A good friend of American soldiers
I'll say it loud here by your grave
Those angels can't
Ever take my place
Somewhere where the orchids grow
I can't find those church bells
That played when you died
Played Gloria
Talkin bout
Hosanah
Don't judge me so harsh little girl
You got a playboy mommy
Come home
But when you tell them soldiers my name
And cross that bridge all on your own
Little girl they'll do you no home
Cause they know your playboy mommy
I'll be home
I'll be home
To take you in my arms

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » May 23rd, 2010, 3:42 pm

Be mad if ya want to, Jack.
I just sit back.

I'm new here,
but I do what I want, too.
:P

Black snakes mating on my lake

We've killed so many of them,
they're really aggressive and scare the kids.
Be mad if you want.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Joined: October 24th, 2004, 12:29 pm
Location: Oz or somepLace like Kansas

Post by stilltrucking » May 23rd, 2010, 3:55 pm

It was just a video. A very sad one. Still a good song but I will always imagine that little girl every time I hear it.

Why should it matter to me what you do?
Be kind to your self
Be happy don't worry



You need more cats. They will kill the snakes for you.

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/UoV8EGCcMOU&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/UoV8EGCcMOU&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » May 23rd, 2010, 3:59 pm

I know.

I like this kid's videos

Herp Adventures

I don't know what to say
I just try to improve.

The cat would die.

Nothing stays the same,
thanks for the chats
and I am grateful.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Joined: October 24th, 2004, 12:29 pm
Location: Oz or somepLace like Kansas

Post by stilltrucking » June 7th, 2010, 3:29 am

I will learn from my mistakes and discover knew ways to make them.

Thinking about old jack somebody and how he got so old at the tender age of forty seven. Thinking about lucy two dots and her sanity. She reached out a hand of friendship and I slobbered all over it.

Lucy was disappointed that she could not find a job that was relevant to her education. But I though she was putting her time to good use while she was working in that office. She was writing about the experience on the creative board.
http://www.studioeight.tv/phpbb/search. ... thor=.Lucy.


So interesting her description of the encounters with the woman who was her boss. So subtle the woman on woman writing. Women see each other so acutely. Men are so easily distracted when writing on women. At least I have been.

I think my focus is getting better thanks to chatting with you dame.
These days I am using paper to write on not women :P

No I won't be making that mistake no more.

That is one mistake I never intend to make again.

.
Pool old jack it broke his heart when all the real gone chicks got hip to his tricks and yawned.

Not that it matters
It is his life's work that learned me not his death.

Why can't old dogs learn new tricks?
Quirky quick silver tongued woman
that is what you are are to me
feel comfortable safe talking about these things with you
not defensive at all
Mr Cellophane does his existential strip tease for the ladies at Anne Sexton's salon.
Last edited by stilltrucking on June 7th, 2010, 5:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 7th, 2010, 7:17 am

I had a nightmare last night, Jack.
It happened in the first half hour I fell asleep. I woke up so startled from it, my heart racing.

I could go back to sleep calmly, after I popped on here, saw you were on writing your thing at one a.m.. It somehow mellowed me, and I could go back to sleep.

Thank you for being a friend, ya know.

I haven't figured you out yet, you're a complete mystery and I'm constantly baffled. It takes my illusions to build a bridge over just to hang with you, :P

But, the familiarity of you, that's the thing.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » June 7th, 2010, 3:30 pm

I had visions last night, not dreams, just after images on my visual cortex.

Yes the familiarity, I know that what ever I say or write to you will be ok. As if we have already said it all before.

I have a web page titled egregious errors with the tender gender

I will see if I can post a link.

Of course at the top of my error list would be my three scarlet letters. I think that would has commercial potential. If only there was still a market for psychedelic erotica. Just joking, it would make me nauseous to think about doing this for money. But I think for someone as creative as you or lucy two dots you should consider writing as work. Alamo Rose always told me if you can find something you enjoy doing and can make a living from it

well that is about the best you can do in this world.
that and finding true love.

A woman on litkicks asked
"Reading and writing a marriage made in _______?"

You are a reader dame
more than me
I feel I have gotten to a pretty good spot right where I am
Doing my best to maintain
IT.

Is it a new nightmare, is it of a theme, I mean are there elements you recognize from other nightmares?

One of my favorite creative posts by lucy
two of them actually.

http://www.studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtop ... ght=#39061


Nothing much romantic in my atttraction to you, oh I mean I think of how nervous you would make me if I was actually standing beside you but mostly it is that quicksilever mind of yours that keeps me pounding these keys to you and thinking about all the women in the world. You ever read that short story "the girls in their summer dresses" kind of sad if I remember.

Hughes and Plath marriage beyond sad, down right flat out a tragedy of Greek proportions.

.

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » June 7th, 2010, 3:46 pm

Lots of typos in that but worse it rings false

I meant to say for someone as young as you or lucy who is driven to write I would consider it work.

I guess I was trying to cop out with age.

I do consider this work.
Magical thinking maybe
I like this quote from Amos Oz
"the world revolves around the writing hand" from geezer memory

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » June 7th, 2010, 4:54 pm

Old tricks

Thinking about that mopey dopey feeling of falling in love. The feeling that something has gone out of you onto the other a cathexis of the heart? to give your heart way. An empty feeling, a sense of loss.

I did that a couple of years ago. Let myself go there to that teen ager first love feeling. Just to remember what it was like. I did it to a woman on the internet. Here on studio eight and once on litkicks. pretty bad but I needed a refresher course. Now I remember love stinks.


I don't feel that for you dame, what it is a ruthless drive to communicate with you. If I have to wear F Scot Fitzgerld's gold high hat to do I would just to amuse you. But for my own agenda. I need to see what you will write next.

I assume you have a husband tucked away on the side, but even so I would walk through hell on a monday just to hear what you have to say.

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stilltrucking
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Post by stilltrucking » June 7th, 2010, 5:34 pm

Going to lose forty pounds
going to get my dentures fixed
going to the senior center Saturday night dance
looking for love
Find me a an old woman
marry her so I can have a wife stashed on the side too
then we can continue our cyber pen pal exchange as equals


The things I do for you.

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 7th, 2010, 7:01 pm

It wasn't a reoccurring dream, though a reoccurring fear.
Just as I was drifted there, to the sleep side of living, I found myself in a shabby bed; just a mattress on the floor deal, in an unfamiliar house. I lived in the living room, and my neighbors lived in rooms on the other side of the kitchen. I could look through the kitchen to their living quarters.

Both are my neighbors, as the wife was preparing her bed and tending to the children, her husband walked circles around my mattress. I listened to his feet go round and round, then he grew more animalistic in his steps, more he'd circled in on me, more, then more. Suddenly I heard nothing at all, which immediately put me to alert. I turned my head to look behind it, and there his heavy head was, his breath, and menacing night lit eyes. He creeped me out to be beside me. Like a darken head shadow and his beastly appetite.

He began circling, then he was on me, just as suddenly.
I woke up and came on here, there you were on writing in general, and my body relaxed, I calmed and could return to sleep.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 7th, 2010, 7:29 pm

Yes, we've said these things to each other, and have this experience in our dealings, me to you, you to me, and just as you'd said to me years ago to read metamorphosis.

I know you, though you'll turn away.
And it's o.k., because I've learned to let go, simply enjoy your words before you walk away.

At times, the hardest part is that part, that you go away.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 7th, 2010, 8:37 pm

ppp

I'm glad to know you,
I feel like the luckiest sad luck girl.
mine, mine, mine
that's how it goes on in my head
like a silly dame.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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stilltrucking
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Joined: October 24th, 2004, 12:29 pm
Location: Oz or somepLace like Kansas

Post by stilltrucking » June 9th, 2010, 4:46 am

another dream last night three days since I smoked pot, the dreams are coming back. A variation on my "lost dreams" these are usually dreams where I am driving trying to get some place but I can't get there in my dream. This time I was trying to get on interstate ten west in Texas headed to a town called Kerrville. There was a lot of construction and detours at one point I wound up in a hospital parking lot, drove right through the lobby asked directions from some people who were wearing scrubs and had stethoscopes hanging around their necks. they were strange unsympathetic told me to take the elevator to the third floor. I knew they were being sarcastic so I said I am having a heart attack and drove off.
The dreams are never the same but there is always the theme of being lost and trying to find my way.

Not recurrent but there is an element of sameness about them. So what is the same in your bad dreams, "fear"? I suppose it could not be a nightmare if it was not scary? My bad dreams not so much about being afraid as being frustrated.

Sometimes I think you project on to me as everyman in your life, but I do the same with you women. I been looking for someone like you a long time dame. A reader and writer. A woman who forgets about words.

Thinking about woman again in the abstract. I have read women are better at compartmentalizing their lives than men when it comes to love . Sometimes I think they are also better at accessorizing their lives . I heard two women talking on NPR about men, they said a husband is the ultimate accessory. I realize now I am not looking for love anymore. Just companionship. A pen pal. I feel very lucky to have found you.

This is all in dream time and real time
computer clocks and biological clocks
carbon based life
silicon based ...life.
my little silicon pal here
my thaumaturgical cornucopia of words
puts out in electronic thoughts
the ghost in the machine

it was all I had till I found you.
I am going to leave dame
no doubt
soon I think
I would like to have some sort of sense of completion, some sense of finishing my creation, my life's work. I will have to do it with the skills I got. Not going to be any better writer then I am now. No not a novel, an interactive blog or web site.

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SadLuckDame
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Post by SadLuckDame » June 9th, 2010, 7:14 am

I'm not trying to project them on to you, I'm just possibly using you as a comfort, the best way I know how to, the only way I've been able to connect with the opposite sex in a deeper fashion, is with writing.
A chance to say, o.k., here I am,
just don't A, B, C me

A chance to face the male monster and find a comfort in,
finally a comfort.

Yes, fear, and has been fear all my life and I go on beyond it as a survivor of. Reading has become an addiction, calms my inner demons, and helps me look beyond myself towards someone else's story.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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