Page 1 of 1
Haiku Onto You!!!!
Posted: February 5th, 2006, 8:01 am
by Dave The Dov
Kids walking home from school
Funeral procession drives pass
Ah the irony of life
_________________
BMW M Coupe
Posted: February 6th, 2006, 6:22 pm
by stilltrucking
And when I'm gone
There'll be one child born
And a world to carry on
Laura Nyro
http://www.lauranyro.com/
Posted: February 6th, 2006, 7:18 pm
by Artguy
Step in the grave
Stepping out of birth
A dance is born
Posted: February 7th, 2006, 9:55 am
by sooZen
Dave...very good essence in this haiku. If I may, I would eliminate the non-essential though i.e...
Kids walk from school
hearse passes (keep it in the present tense)
life goes on
This is just my poor example but if the haijinist keeps it 'quick' and succinct, the haiku has effect. Look at Kurt's and Jack's (or Laura's) haiku (haiku is singular and plural) for examples...they tell the tale effectively.
Haiku is practice...I am still learning as should any haijin.
I hope you don't mind my microscope but I see the potential.
sooZ
Posted: February 7th, 2006, 10:09 am
by stilltrucking
the dead know nothing
mourning is for the mourners
prayer for the living
Posted: February 7th, 2006, 10:16 am
by sooZen
Jack...too morbid? hummm, nothing is too much for life and death, it just is...
I think haiku is the perfect place for anything; dead flies, road kill, etc.
at a grave
mourners weep
flowers grow
Hah! I caught you before the edit!

Posted: February 7th, 2006, 11:47 am
by Dave The Dov
I like to include more into it. But that's just the way I write them. Thanks for the pointer though.
_________________
BT-4 Combat
Posted: February 7th, 2006, 1:58 pm
by sooZen
Cool Dave...gotcha...
Basho walks
his footsteps~
my path
...Check your second line "drives pass" Is the word "pass" supposed to be "past"?
SooZ
Posted: February 7th, 2006, 2:06 pm
by Dave The Dov
Hey thanks. When I get it published I'll make the correction.
_________________
TV Forums
Posted: February 7th, 2006, 2:41 pm
by jimboloco
mid day jazz
green cosmic spiral
petals fall away