Blow

Critiques, prompts & challenges.
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mtmynd
Posts: 7752
Joined: August 15th, 2004, 8:54 pm
Location: El Paso

Blow

Post by mtmynd » May 23rd, 2005, 9:35 pm

Blow

there's a candle that burns
beyond my thoughts
where dreams are lit
from distant fires
set forth into flame
consumed
-inch by inch
-breath by breath
the wax of being dripping
-slowly
-warmly
-softly
...ideals never realized
but kept alive thru the light
Last edited by mtmynd on June 9th, 2005, 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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mousey1
Posts: 2383
Joined: October 17th, 2004, 3:54 pm
Location: Just another animation.

Post by mousey1 » June 9th, 2005, 11:39 am

I like this Cec.

You've expressed, captured beautifully, similar feelings in me.
there's a candle that burns
outside my thoughts
I do wonder where exactly that would be? Outside your thoughts I mean.
I do think it should be, beyond my thoughts, or something similar to that.

What's the purpose of the hyphens?

I like where dreams are lit from distant fires.....couldn't that work? :)

Anyway a lovely write....just lovely. Thanks for sharing it. I really do feel hope in this. This poem has a soft, warm, wistful flavor. A calming effect.
I used to walk with my head in the clouds but I kept getting struck by lightning!
Now my head twitches and I drool alot. Anonymouse

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v475/mousey1/shhhhhh.gif[/img]

mtmynd
Posts: 7752
Joined: August 15th, 2004, 8:54 pm
Location: El Paso

Post by mtmynd » June 9th, 2005, 12:09 pm

mousey... i like your ideas. i shall implement them and 'see' how it reads... how flows... how it moves... (you can take a look, too!) :wink:

thx for the suggestions!

btw - the hyphens... they suggest a pause much like... dots, but only a wee bit quicker. hah! don't they look good..?

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