Poem

Critiques, prompts & challenges.
Post Reply
User avatar
Axanderdeath
Posts: 954
Joined: December 20th, 2004, 9:24 pm
Location: montreal or somewhere in canada or the world

Poem

Post by Axanderdeath » March 9th, 2005, 10:36 am

use all these 5

A dog
A cat
A man named Sam
A girl Named Sally
A night in Iraq

User avatar
Axanderdeath
Posts: 954
Joined: December 20th, 2004, 9:24 pm
Location: montreal or somewhere in canada or the world

Re: Poem

Post by Axanderdeath » March 9th, 2005, 11:02 am

Axanderdeath wrote:use all these 5

A dog
A cat
A man named Sam
A girl Named Sally
A night in Iraq
I was a hot night in
iraq
I see a rack it is sally
she is a double d
with a dog walking at side
said hi sam
to me
my name is sam
this is lame
I think Ill go buy a cat
because I fucking want to...?
thus spoke G.A.P.

User avatar
Axanderdeath
Posts: 954
Joined: December 20th, 2004, 9:24 pm
Location: montreal or somewhere in canada or the world

Post by Axanderdeath » March 9th, 2005, 11:17 am

Anonymous wrote:Sam was wearing tennis shoes
it was a cold night in Iraq
Sally thought she was a soldier
but she was just a pussy cat in tennis shoes
Sam said it was a dog of a night
thank god for tennis shoes
Great!!
thus spoke G.A.P.

User avatar
Lightning Rod
Posts: 5211
Joined: August 15th, 2004, 6:57 pm
Location: between my ears
Contact:

Post by Lightning Rod » March 9th, 2005, 11:18 am

Sam was wearing tennis shoes
it was a cold night in Iraq
Sally thought she was a soldier
but she was just a pussy cat in tennis shoes
Sam said it was a dog of a night
thank god for tennis shoes
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

User avatar
Marksman45
Posts: 452
Joined: September 15th, 2004, 11:07 pm
Location: last Tuesday
Contact:

Post by Marksman45 » March 9th, 2005, 1:20 pm

the moon caught a corner of the I-raq sky
a pariah took the alley, a cat took t'fly
and they're zippin' up poor Sam, poor Sam had to die
and Sally got the letter, cried "why oh why"

User avatar
jimboloco
Posts: 5797
Joined: November 29th, 2004, 11:48 am
Location: st pete, florita
Contact:

Post by jimboloco » March 16th, 2005, 6:06 pm

that last one got it real good, thanks...mars mon,
see axander what happens when you let it go
a few words can inspire and voila there you have it a collaborated jam. jam with us soon, man, get connected.

i unzipped the body bagz
tipped them
out poured the juice
all sweet and putrid
zipped 'em back up
barely noting the name tag that got wet
with body fluids like my fingers
and wiped them on my flight suit and
we toted them on board,
flew them to the morgue.
yes i did.
then they'd wash the deck.
don't even remember if i
washed my hands.
Last edited by jimboloco on November 18th, 2005, 2:53 am, edited 2 times in total.
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

User avatar
Arcadia
Posts: 7933
Joined: August 22nd, 2004, 6:20 pm
Location: Rosario

Post by Arcadia » March 16th, 2005, 10:53 pm

He wishes to see a dog
or at least a cat
(not matter the colors).

The night
(long, clear and cold)
shows nothing
but that stupid long Sally
in his head.

The camera was useless
and his name was Sam.

User avatar
bennie
Posts: 185
Joined: September 13th, 2004, 6:49 am
Location: scotland
Contact:

Post by bennie » March 17th, 2005, 6:25 pm

My one:

A dog
A cat
A man named Sam
A girl Named Sally
A night in Iraq


sounds good to me.

my one two:- one two testing... :)

A man named sam was in
a girl named sally.
each had a dog.
sally had a cat
on the aniversary of their engagement
they watched a film
world cinema flick
called "a night in iraq"
after the film
a man named sam was in
a girl named sally
the two dogs
and cat were in the kitchen sleeping.
well I write music review so I do:
http://www.elevationstation.net

User avatar
jimboloco
Posts: 5797
Joined: November 29th, 2004, 11:48 am
Location: st pete, florita
Contact:

Post by jimboloco » March 20th, 2005, 7:28 pm

A dog
A cat
A man named Sam
A girl Named Sally
A night in Iraq

A night in Iraq
so far away
a man named Sam
said no to the way
he was being used
felt like a dog having his day
of contention
a cat kool at last
but a girl named Sally was aghast
cuz she knew it wouldn't last

when he came home
he was a bum.
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

soliwitch
Posts: 2
Joined: December 19th, 2004, 5:39 am
Contact:

Post by soliwitch » November 16th, 2005, 5:40 pm

Sam took a hit - some shrapnel

right between the eyes

a deadly accurate mishap

that sliced the optic nerve

rendering him blind for life

he made the e-vac wait a sec

and told me, find my wallet man

then he gave me that crotch shot

he'd loaned me her, once or twice

Sally, she's his girl-back-home

who waited, if not faithfully

then eagerly impatiently

judging by her juice...

I pictured her a sloven slut

because of evidence I'd gleaned

she'd nibbled at her nails--

her hands,

pulling rough

to show her all

layered polish

breaking through

ragged like an peeling house

and on those desperate furtive nights

I'd shoot my missiles in her mouth

deployed "now soldier,

get on out"

My mind would hear a labrador

barking as I ran away

as all the lights came on inside

me in flight and whispered prayers

zipping up and tripping when

I hit the broken walk, again

I did it every time and cussed

the roots of that old apple tree

that never did bear fruit but grew

wide enough to bust concrete

and made a cave the cat hid in,

eyes glowing in the dark

I'd grin:

"cheshire" for the fantasy,

the night Sam left me in Iraq

he gave me "Sally"

took his socks, and joked

he hoped

he'd still need those...

User avatar
jimboloco
Posts: 5797
Joined: November 29th, 2004, 11:48 am
Location: st pete, florita
Contact:

Post by jimboloco » November 18th, 2005, 2:58 am

that one hits home a bit like somebody knows
the desperation that flows from insane war
and follows all the way home
but home is fucked
and hope is futile.

some people really do suffer enormously.

in the meanwhile
the physicians oath
first do no harm
to self or others
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

Post Reply

Return to “Workshop & Prompts”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests