Dante's Inferno, ADHD and self-flagellation

[judih]

To sum up
that title just about sums it up.

It's not obsessive compulsion that bothers me - i can dig the repeated mantras and actions and self-talks to help me conquer the rage,

but the dante's inferno - the pummelling into the core of hell - cycle after cycle of ever-increasing flames - well that's harder to accept.

It's not the booms, the bombs, the endless fears of who will do what next, really, it isn't. But it's the sudden 5:00 a.m. explosions and wondering if the news will report something and then thinking that a short vacation to visit my States-side family would be nice but who would protect the homestead while i'm gone. It's the hell-bent downspin that works its gentle magic and makes me think that Faust had the right idea.

Now the ADHD side of things means that thoughts race and i'm likely to either jump on them or yawn, blink and somehow miss one in time to hook up to the next. This can be good, but then again, it doesn't help to conquer the temptation to forget about life and my intention to leave it a little bit wiser than when i began.

Self-flagellation, then, goes hand in hand with all that. Why do i persist in torturing myself with thoughts of inadequacy, missions of impossiblitiy, and daily realities that would sink a ship?
Why do i condemn myself for staying on a titanic sized mishap - in other words, why do i continue to self-flagellate instead of simply tipping my cap and bidding the delusion 'shalom' (adieu).

This then is my morning. And it's quite unlike my last week's reality which i gracefully refrained from exposing on this public location.

That was done in good taste, i must admit. kudos for that.

but then, i've done this, this week! flagellation, dante, ADHD blurt and still more to come.

[stilltrucking]

and makes me think that Faust had the right idea.

Through despair
Despair is conquered

I am going to quit this place any day now. I will be gone. Nature will do for me what I cannot do for myself. Meanwhile I continue on- always on the look out for a pity f*ck
. I suppose I have ADD. Attention Defecation Disorder I just don’t give a sh*t about good taste. Only that there are children posting here from time to time. It could be worse for me. I could be a Zionist and have to live in Israel. I am thinking about Doreen’s mud child post on the last jam


Click to englarge

. She is what keeps me here in this suburban hell. I will always see her that way, in that red dress in the center of the middle row.

You could visit the states but would it be any safer here?

Richard Rorty recently wrote in the Age that modern liberal democracy as we know it might be the greatest loss in the current "war on terror", not just because a nuclear explosion will probably at some point destroy a major Western city, but because of how our own governments would protect us in such an event. In short, whether there are Straussians in office or not, a lot may be up for grabs in this war.

For me sister J it is an existential strip tease I watch these words leak out of myself and learn.


http://www.studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=874

[gypsyjoker]

“Beware thoughts that come in the night. They aren’t turned properly; they come askew, free of sense and restriction, deriving from the most remote sources.”

William Least Heat-Moon’s Blue Highways: A Journey into America.
http://etude.uoregon.edu/autumn2005/books/highways.html

Don't listen to that putz ST dearest sister. Listen to the good baron. Come on home for a visit. Things will look after themselves.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maurice_de_Hirsch

This sock puppet has good taste. He makes me feel noble.

Suburbia is where they cut down all the trees and name streets after them. bumper sticker I saw on my morning walk.

[jimboloco]

feeling good
a book i never read
wanna say instead
i lived in dread for many yearrs
now my fears are tempered by whizdumb
meditation station
amen