Dante's Inferno, ADHD and self-flagellation
Posted: June 10th, 2006, 1:25 am
To sum up
that title just about sums it up.
It's not obsessive compulsion that bothers me - i can dig the repeated mantras and actions and self-talks to help me conquer the rage,
but the dante's inferno - the pummelling into the core of hell - cycle after cycle of ever-increasing flames - well that's harder to accept.
It's not the booms, the bombs, the endless fears of who will do what next, really, it isn't. But it's the sudden 5:00 a.m. explosions and wondering if the news will report something and then thinking that a short vacation to visit my States-side family would be nice but who would protect the homestead while i'm gone. It's the hell-bent downspin that works its gentle magic and makes me think that Faust had the right idea.
Now the ADHD side of things means that thoughts race and i'm likely to either jump on them or yawn, blink and somehow miss one in time to hook up to the next. This can be good, but then again, it doesn't help to conquer the temptation to forget about life and my intention to leave it a little bit wiser than when i began.
Self-flagellation, then, goes hand in hand with all that. Why do i persist in torturing myself with thoughts of inadequacy, missions of impossiblitiy, and daily realities that would sink a ship?
Why do i condemn myself for staying on a titanic sized mishap - in other words, why do i continue to self-flagellate instead of simply tipping my cap and bidding the delusion 'shalom' (adieu).
This then is my morning. And it's quite unlike my last week's reality which i gracefully refrained from exposing on this public location.
That was done in good taste, i must admit. kudos for that.
but then, i've done this, this week! flagellation, dante, ADHD blurt and still more to come.
that title just about sums it up.
It's not obsessive compulsion that bothers me - i can dig the repeated mantras and actions and self-talks to help me conquer the rage,
but the dante's inferno - the pummelling into the core of hell - cycle after cycle of ever-increasing flames - well that's harder to accept.
It's not the booms, the bombs, the endless fears of who will do what next, really, it isn't. But it's the sudden 5:00 a.m. explosions and wondering if the news will report something and then thinking that a short vacation to visit my States-side family would be nice but who would protect the homestead while i'm gone. It's the hell-bent downspin that works its gentle magic and makes me think that Faust had the right idea.
Now the ADHD side of things means that thoughts race and i'm likely to either jump on them or yawn, blink and somehow miss one in time to hook up to the next. This can be good, but then again, it doesn't help to conquer the temptation to forget about life and my intention to leave it a little bit wiser than when i began.
Self-flagellation, then, goes hand in hand with all that. Why do i persist in torturing myself with thoughts of inadequacy, missions of impossiblitiy, and daily realities that would sink a ship?
Why do i condemn myself for staying on a titanic sized mishap - in other words, why do i continue to self-flagellate instead of simply tipping my cap and bidding the delusion 'shalom' (adieu).
This then is my morning. And it's quite unlike my last week's reality which i gracefully refrained from exposing on this public location.
That was done in good taste, i must admit. kudos for that.
but then, i've done this, this week! flagellation, dante, ADHD blurt and still more to come.