Deletions from November seventh 2006

[stilltrucking]

Jamming
Is the morning mist of a sunny day
Jamming is a cloud that lingers at the top of a mountain
Jamming is an empty cloud
No matter how my spirit burns with anger or disappointment
Jamming is a soothing coolness that settles over me like gentle dew.



http://www.jcrows.com/XuYunTeachings.html

The stairs at the end of the hall
I climbed
up out of the darkness
into light
but first I had to descend
as if into my grave
to face my childish fears.

From the womb.
Where darkness was my friend.
To the grave where my fears abide
and back again
all is well

a long trip around the galactic swirl
a billion billion years ago
we passed this way before.
My long term memory improves
I just can't remember yesterday

Feb 07, 2011

[stilltrucking]

I can not remember any stairs at the end of the hall. Not sure what I was talking about? A dream maybe.

Today an urge to run.
To walk
To move
get up out of this chair

Pedal power.
Pills 13 a day
Just to keep
on keeping on
better living thru
Pharmco

Waiting for the sun
the sky should be getting light
and the last good morning sunrise
will be the brightest she ever seen

it is true,
hardly think of sex anymore
a passing thought now and then
when I see a picture of Sarah Palin


is it true that a man always harbors contemp for the female sex
I know men who are not double minded about women
jitterbug for example
the kindest man I know.
the most Christ like person I know.

[short timer]

My sense of humor
Sex and aggression
Every time I see a picture of Sarah Palin
Makes me want to put lipstick on a...

Listening to the beat of my heart
thinking about Cheyne-Stokes respiration
How many days did I stand vigil beside her and listen to her breathing.

[short timer]

a friend once told me I had a sick sense of humor

what can I say

women, yes a woman
always about fucking her brains out
make her backbone and mine one

pretty much like that bonnie rait song

in the meantime
I can up my daily pill count to 16

[short timer]

that is what is so freaky about having a baby sister

never about that

she is worth her wait in gold and diamonds

but man I would not like to die here.

I want to die at that bar on tv
the fern bar where nobody knows my name

these new pills are interesting

I short circuit and they are meant to deal with the pain. not bad. thanks big pharma for drugs I can use. cheap too. boy oh boy G d bless George W Bush he sure was generous to us old folks on medicare. He was genorous to big pharma too. bless his little heart.

[short timer]

living in both brains, limping to the left
doing the neurontin rag

I have not deleted anything so far this year, a couple of posts moved but not deleted.

yes maybe it is attention defecation disorder

maybe love has no shame

when I call out in pain

doing the gagapentin strut

when there is nothing to type about except typing about nothing

doing the forlorn rag

boy oh boy

leaning left

which is about as right as the words will take me

"Hurry Hurry Saigon"

[SadLuckDame]

This is Jack's gate
open, close
what to keep open
and what we close.

I try to hurry and read what you engraved on the gate door
before you close it,
only sometimes depends on what side of the gate I happen to bees on,
maybe you let me in
sometimes you keep me out
and how many battles we have at this gate.
I puff myself up just like a woman
and get all huffy puffy with you
saying, "but I'm not just any of those women!
I'm these women and you should likes me."

Then we're at the gate and you'll say, "come in here and see this funny flower.
It grows under the tree
coming straight up from that round rock.
You're gonna love this."

[short timer]

"static in the attic"

listening to Saigon, John Prine

"static in the attic getting ready to blow"

all those magical wires called nerves
are we not wondrously made?

"money money money saigon"

I see that we are posting at the same time dame

be back when I read your reply above this

Hypersensitive as all get out now
a woman as an image as a symbol as a metaphor for meaning.

See here later I hope

[short timer]

huffy puffy woman who enjoys being a girl
not too many musicals on my top ten movie list
but flower drum song maybe belongs

yeah Nietzsche said you were gods second mistake.
well I think the ex police commissioner of baltimore stated it so eloquently when he was being pressured to hire more female cops, he said; "women are god's little puffs of fluff"

I watched most of Pan's Labyrinth last night. Boy did her stepfather ever underestimate a woman.

Waltz at you later dame.

[short timer]

ten four
"in the gate"

I have to look that up in my KJV.

Still trying to remember what stairway at he end of what hall?

[jackofnightmares]

What stairway at the end of the hall?

There was a door at the end of the hall that was always kept locked and for which I was always looking for the key.
There was a stairway under the trapdoor that I dreaded.


Maybe my only bummer was the time I tripped my way over the edge and could not find my way back. But I still had the presence of brain to know that this too shall pass, even catatonia.

Gabapentin running all around my brain this morning
I wish it was all around my pain too
I can only suppose that the pain would be worse if not for the drug.

Gimme shelter, gimme strength, gimme a beat to save my soul.

[stilltrucking]

weird and getting weirder

http://studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=92&t=21006