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[SadLuckDame]

I think about an image I saw in an art museum
of a little girl in a white dress
a dog named nietzsche on a chair.
her face the face of a mature woman.

women's faces like flowers to me
so interesting so beautiful
I was such a vain fool as a young man
summer of 1962

I'm actually sort of fascinated with my own face. Not truly in a vain sense. I don't know if I've the abilities to explain, I may put it in a poem. That'll give me more room to be self-centered. I can put all my self-centeredness in a poem, only place it works.

I think of Dorian. My face like his, but I'd not had another paint mine, therefore I thought if I hide indoors I'll not weary it much.
I don't know what will happen now.


If you were a girl, they may have hung you in Salem. I've been there, spooked me ever since. There's this crooked staircase behind the chimney, it leads to the hiding room. I know, I don't want to think of it either.

"dang me they ought to take a rope and hang me"

Oh and...

What the hell were we talking about here?

We are just talking trucker. A bit greedy to run the streets nude, but screw em all. They're shooting my moon on Friday. I'll go buff if I wanna. Just keeping going barefoot.
You do right.

[stilltrucking]

Quotes from
Memoirs of an Ex Prom Queen
One bit that stayed with me is how she is freaked out at 12 or 13 when she is in the bath tub and the water turns bloody. She is clueless. Her mother was waiting to tell her about that.

Funny my little sister turned me onto the book almost thirty seven years ago she has no memory of it now.

Speaking of witches and the 17th Century.
I just finished a book called The Witch of Blackbird Pond, Elizabeth Geore Speare. Don't know how old your daughter is but it is a young adult novel. I listened to it not read it, books on tape.

Cutting and Pasting from wicki

The Witch of Blackbird Pond is a children's historical novel by American author Elizabeth George Speare, published in 1958. The story takes place in late 17th-century New England. It won the Newbery Medal in 1959.

she meets and befriends the kind, elderly woman named Hannah Tupper, who was outlawed from the Massachusetts colony because she is a Quaker. Kit and Hannah develop a deep relationship, and even after her uncle forbids Kit to continue the friendship, Kit keeps visiting Hannah.

When a deadly illness sweeps through Wethersfield, a mob gathers to kill Hannah by burning her house, since everyone believes she is a witch who has cursed the town. Kit risks her life to warn Hannah, and the two women escape to the river

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Witch_ ... kbird_Pond

I forgot where we are again
what thread this is
I am telling dame
I don't mind getting old
my mind was first thing to go.

[SadLuckDame]

Got it, thanks trucker. I'm to pg 30, but haven't 'clicked' with her yet. Me being from things dirty, and her clean. I'll find some messages in it for me though, not to worry.

I never worried about being beautiful, only about being understood, heard, and loved for it. My mother never told me either, it scared the crap out of me. Anyway, never mind. I'll save it for diary.

I think your little sister special.

Salem, a twisted memory. I'm for sure a Hawthorne fan. I've a birthmark on my arm, a brownish tan kiss. His short story about the red birthmark on the beautiful wife's face, spoke to my superstitious side. If you haven't, you should check it out. He was very cool.

[stilltrucking]

Dante's beatrice?

Beatrice is sylvia plath
sometimes anne sexton
sometimes margaret fell
sometimes ~K
sometimes judih
sometimes doreen
sometimes mousey1
sometimes abstroint
sometimes white bird sings
sometimes whimsical deb
sometimes The Witch of Buchenwald.

How bout beatrice?
She was his light in dark woods
"in a dark time the eye begins to see"
I tell this,
sister dame
I am thinking about how glad I am that my sex life with women is over.
But I need all the sisters I can get.

I never thought I would wind up a priest
but it will be thirty years in February
All because I could not get it up one freezing february morning
male ego
cost me thirty years of love
and now it is too late
and I am so fucking relieved
like a woman grateful she has gone through menopause
it is a brave new world for me
I feel safe in exploring my masculine nature
without questioning my motives
Safe, every woman is safe from me now
the Magician of Lublin got nothing on me.

Yes men think about sex every six seconds the guy from scotland is right I think
but judih is too
women feel sex every second.

you know what is interesting too
I did not know arcadia was a woman for years
I think it is her Buddhism

I like that word interesting a lot
I have not lost interest in anything
Except pissing contests with guys who piss on my leg and smile at me.

Remarkable is a good word too.

"It is remarkable the overcoming of the instinct that compells every living thing to cling to life" Elmer Fudd on suicide.
I want to live
even without a dialogue of the skin.
but when it first dawned on me that I would never fuck again
i was suicidal damn near. lost my will to live.

No helicopters , no deus ex machina
But that is my christian testimony
thanks for being a silicon sister
a cyber pal who shows up here on my thaumaturgical writting machine

[stilltrucking]

I am not even going to read what I just wrote

Yes I have many selves
I prefer Quaker Jack
to tinker jack

but some of them are not human
they used to say ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny
you know embryos have what looks like gill slits at a certains stage of development

The theory was that a fetus goes through all the stages of our biological biological evolution during gestation.

Now they know that there are no gill slits and for various reasons the theory is abondoned.

But I still believe our brains still encapsulate our origins, from our reptile lower brain stem on up.

Good morning and so long for now.

[stilltrucking]

My sister is a woman of sorrows
Living with her choices as best she can
There was an interesting book about mother daughters called My Mother My Self
I would like to write on called My Sister My Self
Or she ain't heavey she's my sister
Sorry for the rant
I was not replying to anything you said with it
All out of my old world
because "if six was nine"
well you know how the song goes.

[SadLuckDame]

No, I was thinking Shakespeare's Beatrice. 'Much Ado About Nothing', my favorite of his.

So maybe what I'm doing is taking what you've put out, which by the way talks directly to the Dame mostly, and then I line it all up, force it into a bottle, form/mold/shape it to be exactly that which I seek:the catfish, the magician, madhatter, Cheshire. I make you 'relateable' to me, then after doing so, I become enough comfortable with my 'creation' that I'm able to fully open up? Does that sound sensible?

And that pattern is done in other areas, including making Beatrice-->Sylvia-->Anne Sexton, ect. or for me making me -->the dame-->Janis--->Amy Winehouse-->Hester-->Anais-->Virgina Wolfe-->etc.

I've not given up on sex, I don't think. I'm more or less just patient to get it right, instead of doing it all wrong. I may have been brighter as a teenager than as an adult. Instincts, reactions those maybe more dependable than planning, preparing and intellect.
The smarter I get the dumber I feel.

I'm believing you're smarter on women now, but don't let it eat you up. I do think somethings are better off not thinking of, just doing as a primitive self. I'm going to pay more attention to my primitive self.

[jackofnightmares]

How about Shakespeare's Miranda?

Anne Francis what dish

She is perhaps best known for her role as Altaira in the significant S.F. film Forbidden Planet, which was made by Metro-Goldwyn Mayer, co-starring Walter Pidgeon and Leslie Nielsen and was based upon William Shakespeare's play The Tempest. Her character, the naive daughter of Dr. Morbius(Pidgeon) was based on the character Miranda from the play.

Probably the science fiction movie that has had the most impact on my consciousness. The movie with the best most brilliant monster I have never seen. RE: our discussion of Calvin and Hobbes and monsters under the bed.

Monster's from the Id.
I was raised on the holy trinity of Ego, Superego and Id.
Id is just the German word for It.
That dark sea within us.

I don't fuck around with my primitive self. It is there, I don't mess with it. I don't try to get in touch with my inner child. It comes and goes. I try to aware of its comings and goings.

I am done with sex, well done with that dialogue of the skin. But I lie to myself like a motherfucker about that

[jackofnightmares]

The phrase "monsters from the id" is a homage to the classic and hugely influencial science fiction film, Forbidden Planet, where an ancient civilization of unimaginable power gave birth to monsters from their own psyche (which according to Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche, is composed of id, ego and super-ego), and were wiped out by these said monsters. Forbidden Planet was a big influence on the original series of Star Trek, and was later paid homage to by Babylon 5 as well.
The relief carvings on the column carry an echo of Percy Bysshe Shelly's poem Ozymandias:

And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Retrieved from "http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Junthor"

[SadLuckDame]

I do mess with the primitive self. I guess because of Alzheimer's. I know I'll have it and I know exactly who has last word in that, it'll be my darlin' child voice and her fears, she who started everything. And her way was instinct, first response, first tastes and no experience except what she was about to do.

[stilltrucking]

Do you know that? I mean is there a test for Alzheimers, are you being treated? Sorry I should not ask such personal questions. I try to respect people's space on the net. Especially women.
But it ain't easy with Aspergerss syndrome.
How do I know I have Aspergers syndrome, easy I am a hypochondriac. Never been diagnosesd with it. But I exhibit so many symptons.

Alzheimers does have a genetic marker I think I have read. I sincerely hope you dodge that bullet.

My inner child is always with me too. I just give him autonomy, I just try to be aware of his coming and going. His rages. I have had a problem with that since as long as I can remember. I can feel the anger coming on and I note it and let it pass. That is what I enjoyed about the experience with AT&T.

That is why I don't take anti depressants anymore. The fucking rage came out of the blue. One moment I was fine and then I knocked a dish over and then the rage came on at the speed of light and I stabbed a fucking green pepper and sliced my Hand open.
No SSRI's for me because one man's meat is another's poison.

Miranda, I have never read The Tempest.
Beatrice, I have never read 'Much Ado About Nothing'
and you tell me I am well read

[SadLuckDame]

I guess I don't know for positive. I've a lot of years yet till I'll know, but my Grandmom had it severely. My Nana had it towards her last two years. And my Grandfather is now going through it since my Grandmother's death.

I'm already loopy, as it is. I just think for sure I'm a prime target. I guess if I live that long. I do want to live that long, though they were built of sturdier makings than I've prolly been. I wish I were so sturdy as they. I wish I were more leather than internal mush.

How do I know I have Aspergers syndrome, easy I am a hypochondriac. Never been diagnosesd with it. But I exhibit so many symptons.

My son has it. I relate to him very well. My niece does, too. I get along well with both, I think because neither lives in the world, as obviously as others do. They make their own world. I always want to be invited in, it's much more sensible inside theirs than the big world is.

LOL! about rage. I can't talk about it too much. I've learned to bestly control mine as can be. It's in the blood. Hope your hand gets better quick.

Ha! you are well read, you mutt. Just a different selection than I chose.

[stilltrucking]

the hand is fine it happened years ago.

What made the Effexor dangerous for me was the pot. I think it enhances the effect.

What is so sad about Alzheimers for me is that they are so close to finding out how to treat it or at least delay it. But how many people will suffer before the puzzle is solved.

take care of yourself the best you can.
you ripple rouser you

[jackofnightmares]

Ripple Rouser

What is the symbolism of koi fish?

In Japanese symbolism the koi represents perserverance in adversity and strength of purpose. The strongest koi swims upstream until it reaches the final waterfall, where it vaults into the mists and becomes a water dragon.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_s ... f_koi_fish

[SadLuckDame]

Oi! I used to get up at 5 am with my Grandfather at our woodsy summer retreat, to listen to salmon or some fish swim up stream.
Nothing like that battle.
Oh! you've won a grin from me.