Smile Boy

[stilltrucking]

Sorry
been a bad day for me
started when Smileboy gimmee PTSD again

No I can't cry
just wonder why
Tommorrow is veterans day
with all due respect is a crock of shit day for me
It was Armistice day when I was growing up, now it is a one size fits all generic holiday of sales at department stores. Every fucking war we get into should have its own veterans day. So hwo many veterans days would there be each year. When we get to 365 veteran days a year we will have to do away with war or make a new calender I suppose.
One good thing this year I won't have to look at Bush on that solemn day.

So sorry dame
I asked SooZen to tell me about karma sometime ago, maybe I missed her reply. I would be very interested in what she has to say about it.

[stilltrucking]

In Defense of Armistice Day

[SadLuckDame]

I thought I'd go into the Navy when I was sixteen. Believing I was built strong for it. But, it wasn't truly my path.

[stilltrucking]

Your grandfathe was in the Air Force?

My father was in world war one

I guess your grandfather must have been in world war two. But technically there was no air force till 1947, that is when they renamed The War Department. Called it The Defense Department. Up till then the air force was part of the army, no blue uniforms, they were the army air corp.

I like the sound of The War Department, I think they should change the name back.

And maybe change the name of the CIA to to The Ministry of love

I tried to to enlist after the Gulf of Tonkin incident in 1964, but they would not take me just because I used to sleep with a shot gun under my chin.

[SadLuckDame]

Yes, World War two and Vietnam. He has a ton of war stories of being up in the air. He tells one about when the engines stopped. There they were up there and the engines went dead. He helped get it going with tar and duct tape or sumpin' like that. But, it'd totally freaked him out. He relied on gut instinct, it saved his life more times than anything else up there.

[stilltrucking]

http://www.engaged-zen.org/articles/Tho ... Zazen.html

His bitter intent
in a reply to her poem

If a woman here asks me to leave her alone and not reply to her posts anymore I would respect her request. I learned my lesson from whimsical deb. I am so got dam autistic sometimes.


My first thought
smashing his face to a bloody pulp
Just because he asked me too.
I was not looking for a fight, but he sure is/was. I think I know what I said that tripped his trigger and it had nothing to do with him. But I think he took it very personal.


You know I have dreamed about about Clay too.
Prison dreams.
And I have dreamed about jimboloco too, Jungle dreams.


I have not raised my hand in anger against another human being in over thirty years. Not since I joined a Quaker Meeting in Nashville Tennessee after I came back from Oregon.

But the violent thoughts still linger. I am the only one in my family with this streak of violence. A bad seed I suppose.

Smileboy takes a lot of credit for himself, he is so enlightened. Yet he seems unaware of the pain he caused me with the violence of his obsidian words. He is a hell of a nice guy.

Oh well I always like this line from a song my brother the jitterbug wrote.

"You always get what's coming you never have to ask"

So like I wrote about the guy in Astoria Oregon who came up to me smiling just like smileboy and then sucker punched me, I
guess that was just my karma. What I had coming.

But you know smileboy accused me of sucker punching him. Boy oh boy that did it. My own little bout of PTSD. Now I can't stand to see his avatar. I avoid him like the plague.

He takes a lot of credit for himself
I just think I am lucky
I consider myself blessed by Grace.
Do you believe in Grace, in miracles?

But you know I got no complaint
Like I said I believe in karma for myself
but not for innocent and trusting children.



Image Source

[stilltrucking]

"Natural selection, as it has operated in human history, favors not only the clever but the murderous." ---Barbara Ehrenreich

Nietzsche said some men know they should not reproduce themselves. So even though that was not my intent I can see now that it was for the best that I not have children.

[SadLuckDame]

I believe in miracles, and grace and karma. Kids are innocent, they're innocent. To hear their pain is sobering, it's a crunch inside. I feel crunched up. Karma wouldn't apply to them, kids are pure and just a sobering reminder of what each of us once held in ourselves once.
I don't have any of my normal escape routes on this one.

[stilltrucking]

I am thinking about deleting this thread. Do you think I should?
I would leave most of it just delete the last couple replies. I don't know if you have read them yet.

[stilltrucking]

just a little ptsd sorry, nothing like waht the veterans have to deal with but I see his face and the word sucker punch reverberatees and I hear the bones crunching. The guy was an amateur boxer he could throw a punch. But I did not go down. I just stood there and bleed I think he was shocked. If I had a weapon I would have killed him right there.

Should I delete this? I can't tell I am so autistic I don't realize what I amsaying sometimes maybe smileboy is too when he pisses all over my leg and then smiles at me so sweetly

[SadLuckDame]

Are you listening to any tunes right now Jack? I could use one. I'd do a shot of tequila with you, you could eat the worm. I wish I were in San Fran right now. The weather is so miserable here. The people are making me unhappy this week at work. Plus six good days one bad. This week was two bad. Have you ever traveled up Highway One?
I'd like to be on that road right now. I'd pack a suitcase and hitchhike there this moment. If I were double dogged dared I'd go with no suitcase and ten bucks in my pocket.

[SadLuckDame]

Why would ya, I say. You know me, I'm here talking to ya like we're in some little diner order coffee and gravy fries.

[SadLuckDame]

And I'm hungry.

[stilltrucking]

Yes I been listening to this one about four times in a row now

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thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder sister.

[SadLuckDame]

Thanks Jack. First I'd heard it, liked it too.

Here's a Richard Brautigan for you.

"My Insect Funeral" Part 9
When I was a child
I had a graveyard
where I buried insects
and dead birds under
a rose tree.
I would bury the insects
in tin foil and match boxes.
I would bury the birds
in pieces of red cloth.
It was all very sad
and I would cry
as I scooped the dirt
into their small graves
with a spoon.
Baudelaire would come
and join in
my insect funerals,
saying little prayers
the size of
dead birds.