Pretending

[stilltrucking]

I have read that one should be careful about what they pretend to be.

You become what you pretend to be.

Not so sure about that, I think we would be up to our asses in cowboys and firemen.

But even so I think about what I used to pretend to be when I was a child.

An adult mostly i think but beside that.



I used to pretend to be a war hero, marching through the streets of some European town while the ladies all cheered me on.

Movies, those old black and white Pathe Newsreels.

Is any memory of that is mine anymore. My brain awash with hollywood experience.



Pretending to be pregnant. Most have been about the time Aunt Dora was walking around eight months pregnant.

1949? When the hell did I start choking my chicken? I mean besides those wonderful baths I used to get from her when I was maybe three or four years old.

I used to pretend to be smart.

There it is

I have discovered what I wished myself into.

Dam
no banana pellets on this one I guess

I am even boring me

but a man has got to do

[stilltrucking]

and pretending now to be here

this nowhere space

in a Mercedes convertible

on a highway going seventy miles an hour in heavy traffic surrounded by 18 wheelers feeling the unreality of the drugh

settling in. What was real what was hallucination where is Descartes?

Right now behind the smoke screen of digression and ramble
what am I pretending to be,
what am i pretending to be doing?


on a highway
among strangers
searching for destinations


How I lie
and evade
the question

the closer I get the more I drift away from it.


"I am pretending to be a writer. Got dam it. Now leave me alone"

There it is

His grandfather told him
"The world revolves around the hand that writes" Amos Oz
Noticing I make the same typos over and over,