Iphigeneia Kerouac

[jackofnightmares]

Iphigeneia Kerouac

Father's daze been getting easier for me to celebrate these days. ===============

Hard to figure where to start with this. Dead metaphors?

If I keep trashing around with it I might hook a couple of paragraphs out of it.

About virtual grandchildren. maybe.

But let's face it people who, old people who never had children are weird.

My spoiled brat, my jack of nightmares
crazy jack the youngest son of a youngest son
crazy mike.

I almost had to choke back a sob thinking of him yesterday. Just for a moment.

After all these years I am still alive, still trying to change my chromosomes before the death lizards from outer space make me do away with myself.

This is the guy who I remember all his nightmares.

I still remember his nightmares from his past lives.

[still.trucking]

I think childless old men are weirder than childless old women for some reason. Probably my vanity.

Every childhood nightmare I have ever had is drifting back into my thoughts from a remote consciousness.

I don't know why I play these sock puppet games. A mild form of PTSD dream stress.

I am starting to feel like HAL in 2001. Someone is taking a fire axe to my memories.

Everything coming up Proust

[jackofnightmares]

As for past lives
I don't know jack spit about the Akashic Record and reincarnation

Movies from sixty years ago that have been spliced
into my remote memory of past lives

a movie I saw the night in 194? I woke up screaming about being eaten by dinosaurs.

the 1940 version

The death lizards picked up my trail after D.G. killed himself. I need all the inspiration I can find these days.

[jackofnightmares]

I had his virology text book, it looked like he had put his paint cans on it he was an artist. He was also a post doctorate student at NIH in Maryland. I was interested in the virology at the time so he gave me his text book.

Viruses Bits of information on the edge of animate inanimate matter. I guess viral induced hallucinations from a bum mescaline trip might explain the death lizards. I saw them as meme thingy, I opened myself to infection. You know I am sincerely trying to change my chromosomes. They may be body fluid sucking reptiles with a mouth full of needle teeth to suck the life out of me but they appreciate my sincere efforts to change.

The cover of the text book looked like an oil painting. I could see what they looked like. Their way of projecting their image into my brain by way of the random splattering of paint on the book cover. Round bulbous heads, something spider like about them and almost human too, their jaws but the teeth were needles, three inches long and like syringes able to suck the fluids from a their victims.

Ridiculous
The truth is more stupid then anything I could dream up. Monsters from the Id.

[still.trucking]

eventually I will work my way around to the title of this thread.

I hope.

Kerouac as Agamemnon.

Bitter fame.

[mtmynd]

((Richard Brautigan's daughter's name: Ianthe Elizabeth Brautigan))

[still.trucking]

A pretty name.

Jan Kerouac wrote a book about her father called Baby Driver. Interesting. I think they reconciled and I am sure he did the best he could once he acknowledged her as his daughter. But still sad. I don't think I have read the Greek Tragedy about Agamemnon and his daughter but I am aware of the story line.


To quote Chief Joseph, "It does not take many words to tell the truth."

A lot of words here Cecil and I have not got to the truth yet. My truth, the truth about myself.

I could re-title this What to do when your inner child is a suicidal maniac. Oi.

Kerouac had to be aware that he was drinking himself to death. I have heard it was deliberate. A virtual suicide.

Bitter Fame a biography of Sylvia Plath the title is from a poem by a Russian poet

"If you can't give me love and peace,
Then give me bitter fame."
--Anna Akhmatova

It could be a title for Kerouac's biography too.

Me I just want to lighten up.

So easy for me to hide from myself.
That kid is very weird.
Autistic almost.

Thanks for reading
A lot of words here.
Headed for less I hope

[mtmynd]

Re: To quote Chief Joseph-"It does not take many words to tell the truth."


haiku biography:

life is too short
to waste on words
that avoid the truth

[jackofnightmares]

Thanks for the bullsh*t haiku
I put a little old wink after saying that.


<center>I
Doing the Math</center>


Not smart as I used to be
Read a book by a mathematician once
The book had a catchy title.
"The Human Use of Human Beings"
I tried reading it again last year,
thirty years after I first read it
but it was too hard.

All I remember was the line
"When we arm ourselves
we arm our enemies"

I believe in the right to arm women and children.

So anyway
this is a dirty old soap bubble I am floating towards heaven in.
I am writing the autobiography of an old fucking fool

Repression, I bet that is a word loaded with meanings.

The Watcher at the Gate, I have read in various self help books for aspiring authors.

Freud asked what do women want?
It was pretty fucking obvious what Freud wanted.

I wonder if there is a commercial market for stories about drug crazed sexual hallucinations. I would hate to make a living from this compulsive scribbling. I think it would take all the pleasure out of it. I met a woman once who was a waitress in a Sambo's restaurant, she called herself a "social whore" because of the way she got all her customers to love her personality and leave her lots of tips. She was also an aspiring song writer.

"they say I was a rebel till I reached the age of five
It was then that I got caught up in the struggle to survive"

A lot of words, this sock puppet is a word monkey if there ever was one.

Oedipus Sex

counting words
enough for a while

RE: Counting Sunday stream #209 of an infinite series.

I always been a counter.

I wouldn't want to stand up against you, amigo.

I don't know Cecil. I can hardly stand myself anymore.

[jackofnightmares]

His daughter is fourteen or 15, pregnant, strung out, on her way to mexico with her boyfriend
she stops by his house in st pete
he wishes her well
tells her to write books
use his name.

what he wanted wanted was for his novels to get married and have lots of little short stories.

She died young
Not exactly a sacrifice
but what would you have done?

Ferlinghetti says he is not a beat writer
not a first thought best thought kind of writer.

Listening to the doors break on through to the other side
my baby gets high.
never really heard the lyrics till today.
What?
Forty years of listening to the song and I just heard the lyrics.

I read When Jesus Suckled over and over for over twenty years before I noticed the poem was not about trucks.

I read Log Truck Drivers Rise earlier than students Of Zen for ten years before I noticed the Irony.

"I'm not aware of too many things"



An English major from Columbia
how intimidating is that for me?
Plenty


I hate writing
this is spite work I guess
I will never be half the writer you are.
Too late now
I don;t care either.

Going to ride my motorcycle
My therapy...cheap therapy

[still.trucking]

Hot road
another hundred degree day
got to break this internet addiction today

[still.trucking]

"... to gaze upon the light is man's most cherished gift; that life below is nothingness, and whoever longs for death is mad. Better live a life of woe than die a death of glory!" Iphigenia in Aulis

Freud believed that "it is impossible to imagine our own death," and that "this may even be the secret of heroism."


Freud and Death

[still.trucking]

I am still addicted to the grind

A prisoner of the highway

[stilltrucking]

What does it matter
Jan Kerouac is dead
Her father is dead
I wish I still had my copy of Baby Driver.

I am going to put it on my wish list.


My Windows Desktop

Sacrifice of Iphigenia

[stilltrucking]

Something Mtmynd worte
about . . .*
thought about KD the other day
her comment about old men being like old women
suppose so old is old
but women are older
archaeologist say man was a latter limb on the family tree

Glad for Kerouac that he realized just how fortunate he was to have a daughter.

* looking for it