Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

Submissions Guide
or, How To Create Your Own Novel
Peter Kane

Into the forest walked a child. Out the other side came an adult... What happened in between? Sex? Power? Money? Death? Create your own novel based on the following choices:

1. Does character have...
brown hair?(A)
blonde hair?(B)
black hair?(C)
red hair?(D)
2. Does character eat...
vegetables?(A)
red meats?(B)
fish?(C)
poultry?(D)
3. Does character own...
paint brushes?(A)
a rake?(B)
driving gloves?(C)
dominoes?(D)
4. Does character believe in...
therapy?(A)
organized religion?(B)
astrology?(C)
dirt?(D)

If you have answered a majority (three to four) of the above with the same letter, please construct your novel as follows the letter assigned to this majority. For example, if you have brown hair(A), eat vegetables(A), own a rake(B), and believe in therapy(A), your novel would be type A.

If you have answered two of the above with the same letter, and the remaining two with two distinct and separate letters, then the letter chosen for two of the above determines your novel type. For example, if you have blonde hair(B), eat red meat(B), own driving gloves(C) and believe in dirt(D), your novel would be type B.

If you have answered two of the above with the same letter, and the remaining two with a different but consistent letter, then your novel type becomes the average of the two letters selected. For example, if you have red hair(D), eat poultry(D), own a rake(B) and believe in organized religion(B), your novel would be type C.

If you have answered two of the above with the same letter, and the remaining two with a different but consistent letter, and the average of your letters does not form an exact letter but an "AB", "BC", or "CD", then your novel would be the earlier letter in the alphabet. For example, if you have blonde hair(B), eat red meat(B), own paint brushes(A), and believe in therapy(A), your novel would be type A.

If you have answered all four of the above with different letters, your novel would be type D. This will compensate for the relatively low numer of people with red hair(D), as well as the impossibility of the hybrid average to result in this novel type.

The novel types are as follows:

A. Your main character has brown hair, eats vegetables, owns paint brushes, and believes in therapy. This type of character is unlikely to come to any revelations by means of money or power. Most likely a death will occur to dramatically affect the life of this sensitized believer in the powers of talk. So long as the main character is not the one who dies, this character will go through a tremendous growth cycle with many prospects for real change. A melancholy but comically entertaining sexual outcome should result.

B.This type of character is All-American sit-com material. Sex will be joked about by this natural sex magnet. A strong belief in organized religion will dull the affects of any death which takes place in the story line. Most likely, this character will be in a power struggle, to compete with the Joneses and match material posession for material posession. Large amounts of money do not enter the picture as this "Joe Average" does not wish to compete with those not directly in view.

C. Your main character has black hair, eats fish, owns driving gloves and believes in astrology. This appreciator of the finer things in life will change through the acquisition of money. A taste of the good life is all this character needs to know that there's no turning back. Tragedy may surround the sex life of this character as the need for money overtakes other desires. Power is valued but sacrificed as newer and shinier asses need to be kissed. Death may be used with this character as a cruel punch line to a wasted life.

D. Your main character has red hair, eats poultry, owns dominoes and believes in dirt. This down to earth character values experience over all else. Any opportunity for sex will be jumped upon, though the constant thought of sex on this character's brain will act as a poison to potential liaisons. Money and power are incidentals in the life of this pragmatist. This character may be strong in the face of a death which devastates a loved one.

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