How Being TG Has Affected Me & My Music Career
Posted: February 3rd, 2009, 1:47 pm
How Being TG Has Affected Me & My Music Career ...
Posting this so y'all might know a little bit more about me, the real me. A songwriting coach I worked with quite a while back just found out about my transition from male to female & had some questions about if I reacted to things more like a woman, and how all of this has affected my music fanbase & career.
So I wrote him this response ...
Yes & no. I've felt this way since I was little ... so ... But yes I do cry more. I used to cry during movies, but now it's just unstoppable. Yes, more emotional. I hope I listen & compromise better, but that's a being a better person thing as much as a girl thing. I definitely don't react first like I used to - less testosterone. Less urge to fight. More compelled to nurture, particularly with my twins. I've lost some friends, but I've gained more. My family has been accepting, although not 100% (like my Dad still calls me Bill, but at least he still talks to me). As to chick flicks, I was up late after a show last night & PBS had Jane Austin on masterpiece theatre & I was riveted sitting there watching these women court a man ... had me on the edge of my seat; I'm quite certain that before all this estrogen, I would have changed channels or turned the TV off. But I still like action movies. I'm less into pro football & watching other sports on TV, although I still like sports. I can watch it or do without it, which I suppose is a change. Estrogen makes you crazy sometimes. But, hey, I was crazy to begin with lol. You really feel like your emotions are on your sleeve sometimes. It's more difficult to hide your feelings, you're more transparent.
As far as fan base, some changes, but you gain one for every one you lose. Reality is that I have far more fans now, but that's largely because I've become really good over the past few years. It has affected local booking, some club booking folks won't consider me. Some club owners don't really even want me in their club. But some folks have been very open & very welcoming, so I suppose it balances out. I have felt at least like I won't be accepted doing Americana/Country, seems like it would be difficult to establish a big fanbase in those genres, but I still like writing those kind of songs (which is why I'd love to do some Nashville co-writing or get a publishing deal). So I tend to focus more on the blues & rock side of things, still difficult, but folks are generally more accepting of my TG status working for me, instead of against me, in those genres. I get compared to David Bowie & Lou Reed & The Cure a lot. Even Nina Simone. But that's cool. I am planning to do a pure folk/americana set, although largely comedy oriented, at Folk Alliance, so that will actually be the first traditional folk show I've done since all of this, so we'll see how it goes ... I can see how with the comedy added, it might help open that door & folks might be more accepting. We'll see. Have a second folk rock set which is more the music I play all the time, far more complicated guitar work, so looking forward to that one. I just try to focus on writing better songs & trying to get as good as possible performance-wise, guitar-wise, vocally, & in my stage presence. I hope folks are noticing, think so, but hard to tell, no one really tells you as you know. I just know it, feel it, can feel things turning around, audience members more approachable & more open to & wanting to talk to you & such. So that's good, hopefully folk will start coming out to see me, but it is hard to get folks to buy CDs & come to shows in this economy, but just trying to be so good that they can't help it. Not there yet, but am getting closer every day.
I'm held back by a couple of things ... I need better recordings, but currently am dirt poor, so hoping some industry person will realize the songs are so good that they are willing to make an investment, but as you know, they all seem to be getting lazier, artist development is largely dead (unlike the old days), they want an artist financed finished radio ready masterpiece or they won't even consider helping you. (Of course, if you have that already, seems like you don't really need their help lol). I've put out some recordings that I probably shouldn't have, just in the early zeal to try to have something to sell. Desperately trying to get noticed or some positive attention (which I've found out recently is actually a genetic defect that I'm pre-disposed to as verified by scientific studies). You should advise folks to wait until they can afford to do something truly excellent. Also, lots of folks do well more quickly by playing the same 3 songs over & over & over & over again at open mics, and tend to build up fans quicker & even get bookings earlier in their career. I suppose I should too, but something inside just compels me to try to stretch out, to go for difficult things, & new material, even before I'm ready, ... I'm learning to try to stay within myself on stage these days, but once you have a reputation for inconsistency, it's really difficult to shake. When I do paid shows, I'm awesome & do play within myself. But lots of folks are influenced by what they have seen at open mics or jams or free things, and don't realize or consider that you know the difference. So there's something you can tell your songwriters. It's far easier a path to play the same couple of songs consistently well, than to follow the other path (which I think is the only one that actually makes you a better all-around player & performer) & be experimental ... which requires a lot of trial & error and failing miserably in front of crowds before you get it right. They remember the failures & hold them against you, far more than the successes even if it's the most awesome thing they've seen. But I hate folks that just play the same 3 songs over & over ... but that's just because I know or maybe it's just me or maybe jealously (although not so much anymore) ... I just think the true path to greatness requires a lot of public failure & overcoming.
Hope I can afford to get to Kerrville. I love that place. Even wrote a love song about my affinity for the festival ... called Kerrville Love Song. Would love to see someone do that song from main stage someday, but I've pretty much given up hope of ever playing new folk or at the festival. but you never know & with better recordings, better songs, better performances, maybe one day.
Well, I've given you more than you asked for, probably too much, but now you know a little more about me & how I feel about all these things. Lessons learned through the school of hard knocks, but not like any of this is helping me generate enough income to live on, so I guess I must love it to put so much vigor into the songs & performances even in spite of all of the heartache & lack of success. Maybe I'll be one of those artists who only becomes successful after they die.
lol.
Anyway, hope you're doing well. You never did say how your songwriting book turned out & if it finally got finished/published/released. Would love a copy when & if that happens. Keep on teaching & writing. Hell, maybe some of this discussion will even inspire you to write a song!
Thanks for the advice you've given me over the years.
Peace,
Beth
http://www.myspace.com/bethisbell (solo acoustic folk rock & rock)
http://www.ourstage.com/fanclub/thedeadprophets (psychedelic rock band)
http://www.livebluesworld.com/profile/beth isbell (blues - band & solo)
http://www.myspace.com/billisbellfolkband (country/folk with band)
http://www.broadjam.com/bethisbell (storage for most all my songs)
Posting this so y'all might know a little bit more about me, the real me. A songwriting coach I worked with quite a while back just found out about my transition from male to female & had some questions about if I reacted to things more like a woman, and how all of this has affected my music fanbase & career.
So I wrote him this response ...
Yes & no. I've felt this way since I was little ... so ... But yes I do cry more. I used to cry during movies, but now it's just unstoppable. Yes, more emotional. I hope I listen & compromise better, but that's a being a better person thing as much as a girl thing. I definitely don't react first like I used to - less testosterone. Less urge to fight. More compelled to nurture, particularly with my twins. I've lost some friends, but I've gained more. My family has been accepting, although not 100% (like my Dad still calls me Bill, but at least he still talks to me). As to chick flicks, I was up late after a show last night & PBS had Jane Austin on masterpiece theatre & I was riveted sitting there watching these women court a man ... had me on the edge of my seat; I'm quite certain that before all this estrogen, I would have changed channels or turned the TV off. But I still like action movies. I'm less into pro football & watching other sports on TV, although I still like sports. I can watch it or do without it, which I suppose is a change. Estrogen makes you crazy sometimes. But, hey, I was crazy to begin with lol. You really feel like your emotions are on your sleeve sometimes. It's more difficult to hide your feelings, you're more transparent.
As far as fan base, some changes, but you gain one for every one you lose. Reality is that I have far more fans now, but that's largely because I've become really good over the past few years. It has affected local booking, some club booking folks won't consider me. Some club owners don't really even want me in their club. But some folks have been very open & very welcoming, so I suppose it balances out. I have felt at least like I won't be accepted doing Americana/Country, seems like it would be difficult to establish a big fanbase in those genres, but I still like writing those kind of songs (which is why I'd love to do some Nashville co-writing or get a publishing deal). So I tend to focus more on the blues & rock side of things, still difficult, but folks are generally more accepting of my TG status working for me, instead of against me, in those genres. I get compared to David Bowie & Lou Reed & The Cure a lot. Even Nina Simone. But that's cool. I am planning to do a pure folk/americana set, although largely comedy oriented, at Folk Alliance, so that will actually be the first traditional folk show I've done since all of this, so we'll see how it goes ... I can see how with the comedy added, it might help open that door & folks might be more accepting. We'll see. Have a second folk rock set which is more the music I play all the time, far more complicated guitar work, so looking forward to that one. I just try to focus on writing better songs & trying to get as good as possible performance-wise, guitar-wise, vocally, & in my stage presence. I hope folks are noticing, think so, but hard to tell, no one really tells you as you know. I just know it, feel it, can feel things turning around, audience members more approachable & more open to & wanting to talk to you & such. So that's good, hopefully folk will start coming out to see me, but it is hard to get folks to buy CDs & come to shows in this economy, but just trying to be so good that they can't help it. Not there yet, but am getting closer every day.
I'm held back by a couple of things ... I need better recordings, but currently am dirt poor, so hoping some industry person will realize the songs are so good that they are willing to make an investment, but as you know, they all seem to be getting lazier, artist development is largely dead (unlike the old days), they want an artist financed finished radio ready masterpiece or they won't even consider helping you. (Of course, if you have that already, seems like you don't really need their help lol). I've put out some recordings that I probably shouldn't have, just in the early zeal to try to have something to sell. Desperately trying to get noticed or some positive attention (which I've found out recently is actually a genetic defect that I'm pre-disposed to as verified by scientific studies). You should advise folks to wait until they can afford to do something truly excellent. Also, lots of folks do well more quickly by playing the same 3 songs over & over & over & over again at open mics, and tend to build up fans quicker & even get bookings earlier in their career. I suppose I should too, but something inside just compels me to try to stretch out, to go for difficult things, & new material, even before I'm ready, ... I'm learning to try to stay within myself on stage these days, but once you have a reputation for inconsistency, it's really difficult to shake. When I do paid shows, I'm awesome & do play within myself. But lots of folks are influenced by what they have seen at open mics or jams or free things, and don't realize or consider that you know the difference. So there's something you can tell your songwriters. It's far easier a path to play the same couple of songs consistently well, than to follow the other path (which I think is the only one that actually makes you a better all-around player & performer) & be experimental ... which requires a lot of trial & error and failing miserably in front of crowds before you get it right. They remember the failures & hold them against you, far more than the successes even if it's the most awesome thing they've seen. But I hate folks that just play the same 3 songs over & over ... but that's just because I know or maybe it's just me or maybe jealously (although not so much anymore) ... I just think the true path to greatness requires a lot of public failure & overcoming.
Hope I can afford to get to Kerrville. I love that place. Even wrote a love song about my affinity for the festival ... called Kerrville Love Song. Would love to see someone do that song from main stage someday, but I've pretty much given up hope of ever playing new folk or at the festival. but you never know & with better recordings, better songs, better performances, maybe one day.
Well, I've given you more than you asked for, probably too much, but now you know a little more about me & how I feel about all these things. Lessons learned through the school of hard knocks, but not like any of this is helping me generate enough income to live on, so I guess I must love it to put so much vigor into the songs & performances even in spite of all of the heartache & lack of success. Maybe I'll be one of those artists who only becomes successful after they die.
lol.Anyway, hope you're doing well. You never did say how your songwriting book turned out & if it finally got finished/published/released. Would love a copy when & if that happens. Keep on teaching & writing. Hell, maybe some of this discussion will even inspire you to write a song!
Thanks for the advice you've given me over the years.
Peace,
Beth
http://www.myspace.com/bethisbell (solo acoustic folk rock & rock)
http://www.ourstage.com/fanclub/thedeadprophets (psychedelic rock band)
http://www.livebluesworld.com/profile/beth isbell (blues - band & solo)
http://www.myspace.com/billisbellfolkband (country/folk with band)
http://www.broadjam.com/bethisbell (storage for most all my songs)